sticky situation, should I tell my friend?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2007
sticky situation, should I tell my friend?
25
Tue, 03-08-2011 - 4:26pm

Hello, I'm wondering if I could get some advice.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2000
Tue, 03-08-2011 - 4:52pm

You're right - this is a very sticky situation. IMO it depends on many things. Do you know FOR A FACT that he's engaging in risky behavior? Are you close with the other mom? Is it risky behavior in that he had a couple sips of beer at a party or risky in that he drank a six pack and then drove? Is it possible the other mom knows or suspects and is dealing with it the best she knows how? If you feel you know her well enough and that what he's doing is a real danger to him and/or others then you might try to broach the subject in general terms to get a 'feel' for her reaction. For example 'Did you hear that there's been several instances of underage drinking/sex parties/whatever the behavior is among our kids' friends? I hope my child isn't taking part of that - I sure would want to know if he/she was'! If your friend says 'I know my son would never do anything like that - I don't even have to worry about it' then she might be in denial or doesn't know. If, OTH, she says 'yes, I worry about that, too' then you might want to take it a step further.

Pam
Avatar for sabrtooth
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-1999
Tue, 03-08-2011 - 8:12pm

Pam is right--there are SOOO many problems with this scenario.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2004
Tue, 03-08-2011 - 8:20pm

depends on how good a friend she is.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-1998
Tue, 03-08-2011 - 10:06pm

ITA that the source needs to be revealed. If this were my kid, I'd find it very hurtful that someone would think it okay to say all this terrible stuff (whether true or not) about my child BY NAME and then jump thru hoops to protect the identiity of the person spreading this info. And yes, that's what the person who told the OP was doing, spreading gossip. I know it's the nature of gossip to tell everyone but the parent, and that it's really hard to to the right thing here, but clearly, telling the parent IS the right thing. Sometimes kids die because the people around them didn't have the guts to tell their parents they were getting drunk and driving or doing other stupid things.

If this were my kid, I would want to know and really wouldn't care who the messenger was. If I disliked you before, I'd probably still dislike you, but I would still be grateful you told and possibly saved my child's life.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2007
Wed, 03-09-2011 - 1:06pm

I guess I can't "reply all."

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Wed, 03-09-2011 - 1:24pm

If the "risky behavior" is only "making out"--i.e. kissing, I would not even bother to say anything.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2000
Wed, 03-09-2011 - 1:52pm

I agree with musiclover. I depends on what this young woman's definition of 'making out' was. Huge difference between a little hugging and smooching and having girls give 'circle blowjobs' at a party. It's also a huge leap from making out to getting pregnant. As much as we may not like to think about it - it's pretty normal for 16 year olds to make out; I'll bet a fair number of us did a bit of making out at that age. If the behavior of these kids was making the other kids too uncomfortable I'm surprised no one said anything to them directly.

Pam
Avatar for sabrtooth
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-1999
Wed, 03-09-2011 - 3:41pm

I totally agree with Music and Pam.

Avatar for sabrtooth
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-1999
Wed, 03-09-2011 - 3:41pm

Edited to remove double post--seems to be happening a lot on these new boards.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2007
Wed, 03-09-2011 - 5:53pm

She didn't get into the gross details.

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