stressed out senior

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
stressed out senior
12
Fri, 10-27-2006 - 4:11pm

My DD was very stressed out last night and I don't know if there's really anything I can do to help her.

She is taking very hard courses this semester, AP Calculus, Anatomy, PHysics, Spanish IV and an English course called Violence in American Culture that really seems like a college course to me. I may have even forgotten one. Her progress report showed that she has all A's and B's so far, but she seems overwhelmed w/ homework & tests.

Then she has a part-time job which she has to have to pay for her car ins. & gas. Usually she works on weekends, but they got a new manager who seems to have no common sense, IMO because the mgr. scheduled her for 2 nights next week during the week from 3:00 to 10:00. That would mean she would have no time to do any homework unless she started it after 10:00 p.m. , which isn't really a good idea to me. Last night she worked 5:00-10:00 and she was still tired, but at least she had the chance to get some HW done after school. I told her she will just have to speak up to let the manager know she can't work so many hours on a school night. She has been working there since the beginning of the summer and I'm sure she is a good worker so I doubt they will fire her and if they do, she can always find another job.

Plus there is the whole college app. thing, not being sure where to go or where to apply, etc. She did visit one branch of the state univ. today. The funny thing is that she doesn't like science very much, yet she wants to be a nurse. I don't see it, but I'm not going to argue about it. I suggested that if school work is too much, she could drop a course, because she would still have enough credits to graduate. She doesn't think that would look good, but it wouldn't look good if she doesn't get good marks either.

Oh yea, and she is supposed to start tutoring some younger kids after school because she is in National Honor Society and they have to do community service. Plus there are the usual social activities that she wants to do.

I don't know if there's much I can do to help. I remember my senior year being kind of fun and not so stressful. I think we had to take one less course or maybe I just never found high school that difficult. I didn't even think college was hard.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-18-2005
Fri, 10-27-2006 - 4:33pm

You can help your DD in an important way - by helping her prioritize. Sit with her and lay out all the things she *has* to do and all the things she *wants* to do. See if there's any wiggle room (for example, looking for a job with only weekend hours or only one night a week until 10). Rather than YOU suggesting what's possible, let her find it! If, she really can't or won't drop anything, then help her see that that's a choice she's made - the difference between things you HAVE to do, things you SHOULD do but could pass on, and things you WANT to do but don't have to.

One problem we all face is too many things we want to do - it's a great "problem" to have - lots of opportunities - but learning how to prioritize things is an important ADULT skill.

Sue

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2006
Fri, 10-27-2006 - 8:40pm

It sounds like your daughter is a great child and is under a lot of stress. If you can afford it, I'd say she should give up her job and concentrate on school and college apps, and make sure she gets enough sleep and maintains her health. If she must keep working, then a weekend-only job would be better.

It's too bad that in our society kids feel they have to have cars, which adds a lot of expense, but all of us parents appreciate the fact that we no longer have to be transporting them all over. Our son does not pay for gas or for car insurance, as long as he's a responsible driver and, it that respect, he is somewhat spoiled. He does work for his luxury items and must pay the price of his mistakes (see my $350 jacket post). Fortunately, he got his college apps out of the way in summer, and has been accepted at one university. The other will likely reject him, especially after his suspension and being kicked out of the NHS. Be glad your daughter has not made one dumb decision that can ruin her whole senior year.

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http://www.pnhp.org/news/2009/october/meet_the_new_health_.php

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DQTBYQlQ7yM

Avatar for mjaye2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 10-27-2006 - 10:11pm

Just from the outside looking in, my first thought is she needs to speak to her manager at her current job and request shorter and/or weekend hours. If the mgr will not grant her this request, then she needs to find another job, if absolutely necessary that she work, where she can only work weekends. Bless her heart, she is pulling a heavy load, and other than her job, I don't see anything she could really drop, other than a school course, and I would rate a school class over a job. And maybe I'm a pushover, but, it's her senior year. I would want her to have some sort of social life. Is there *any* way you could help her with her car insurance and/or gas? If only for this semester? Or until she graduates? I was a grown woman working full time when I went back to school (albeit college). I asked my own mom to help me monetarily that last sememster so that I could take 22 hours and graduate, rather than spread it out over 2 semesters. She did. I will forever be grateful for that. I realize that is not really the same thing, but still...

If it isn't possible to help her with her insurance (and believe me, I know sometimes that's just not possible) have her talk with her school counselor. He/she should be able to tell her if dropping one of her courses (I'm thinking the Violence in American Culture one) would be a blight on her transcript. Truthfully, I bet it won't be. Especially when she lists all her communtity service and her membership in NHS and any other programs/clubs she may be in.

It sounds like you have a wonderful, determined DD and I hope you guys can work something out together for her.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999
Sat, 10-28-2006 - 11:46am

Sounds like your DD is an awesome gal, you must be very proud of her.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Mon, 10-30-2006 - 9:07am

Unfortunately I can't afford to pay for her car ins. and gas. Her ins. is $2500/yr. (mine is only $900) because she's underage. Right now my DH & I are struggling to pay our own bills. I just got my property tax bill for the quarter that's about $700 and I am wondering when I can pay that. Of course if she didn't have her own car, and I just added her to my ins., the cost would have been only about $1000. She just had to have her own car. In a way, I couldn't see it because she can take the bus to school, but if they have after school activities, there is one late bus and if the activity doesn't end by then, it's too bad. My son is in the middle school and since obviously the kids are too young to drive, they make sure that all the clubs end so the kids can get the late bus (maybe a play rehearsal would be an exception) but for the high school, sometimes they don't do that. For ex., when she was in track, they had practice every day after school and the kids just had to get their own ride home. We did car pooling, but I still had to leave work a couple of hours early 1 or 2 days a week, which I didn't get paid for. I do agree that she should cut down her hours during the week. She complains about working weekends, but this weekend, she had to work 9:30-2:30 on Sat. and she got out early cause the store wasn't busy, then she worked 10:30-3:30 on Sun. That really isn't too bad. It doesn't take up the whole day and she still can have some fun.

So don't you think that last night, she was typing something on my computer at home, she wasn't saving it as she was going along, and suddenly the program just shut off. I volunteered to re-type it for her, cause it was just typing an outline that she had written out. The Anatomy teacher makes them write an outline of what they are reading, which to me seems like a big waste of time. I know that sometimes writing things down makes some people remember, but they could also just read the book and study too.

For the poster who wrote that she could drop the violence class, that's English, which I do believe they have to take for 4 yrs., so she can't drop that. I think she would have to drop 1 of the 2 science classes. Well, if she gets through this, she will probably find that college isn't so hard. I remember when I went to college, I thought it really wasn't hard cause I had gone to a good high school. There were kids who were kind of lost because they had never had to write a paper before.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-22-2003
Mon, 10-30-2006 - 3:01pm

I would look into having her drop a class. If she's a national honor student, getting good grades in AP classes, etc., then it seems she'll do well with her applications regardless of dropping an extra class. You might talk with her guidance counselor and get their thoughts regarding the matter.

I can understand your desire to have her help with the car expenses. I would continue to let her help. Perhaps she can muster up enough courage to discuss her hours with her boss. He truly may not realize that this is becoming such a problem. This will also give her experience dealing with issues in the workforce.

As for her desire to become a nurse, her first two years in college should really be geared toward getting the basics completed. She'll probably know when the time comes, if she still wants to pursue a nursing degree or not.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Thu, 11-02-2006 - 12:59pm

My DD had another meldown last night. She was pretty lucky w/ work this week. She was supposed to work 5:00-10:00 on Halloween and she got out early cause the store has no customers (I wonder why). Tonight she was scheduled to work 3:00-10:00 but thought she had made arrangements for another girl to take the shift. 1st, this gives her no time to do homework, which I have already told her to bring up w/ the manager who schedules the hours. 2) she is supposed to tutor a younger kid after school, which she has to do cause she is in National Honor Society and they have to do community service. I guess there was some misunderstanding w/ the girl who was supposed to work, who then thought my DD changed her mind because she didn't cross out the name on the schedule, and last night my DD was trying to phone the girl and couldn't get through. She did get someone else to work for her after school while she is tutoring. I know she will learn a lesson from this that if she changes, from now on she will make it clear. She was so upset and crying that she "hates her life" because of work and school and no time. I told her she could quit work at least for a few mos. to give herself more time because she does have money saved, but she doesn't want to spend all her savings. My DH suggested (to me) that she could take her car off the road not to have to pay for ins., but I know that's not going to happen, plus I would be afraid of the temptation of having the car sit there that she would want to drive it "just this one time" and she would get in an accident and have an uninsured m.v. (which is a crime here). I did tell her to at least cut down on her hours and she def. has to tell her boss that she can't work so much during the week. A few hrs. is ok, but not a whole night. She hasn't worked at the same time as the manager, so I said that even if she has to go into the store for a few mins. to speak to this mgr., she has to do it. After all, the store is only a mile from our house. I also suggested that she could change jobs, but she is probably right that any place she could get a job will be the same situation.

I don't know what else I can really do, but as a mother, it just makes me sad to see her distressed and not able to do anything. Then she complained that next Fri. she has to work 3-10, but I'm not really too distressed about that. I know she wants to go out, but they are having the homecoming dance on Thurs. night since there's no school Fri. She can't have every night off.

I do feel somewhat guilty that she has to work because when I was in high school, I only worked during the summers, not during the school year, however, I also didn't own my own car until I graduated from college.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Fri, 11-03-2006 - 8:54am
My DD was able to get in touch w/ the other girl, who worked for her, so she was in a much better mood last night. She also enjoyed tutoring the younger student. It was in Geometry, which she hasn't had since 9th grade, but she did remember it. Oh, it's such drama being the parent of a teenager!
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2003
Fri, 11-03-2006 - 9:20am

I remember having a very stressful time in senior year and college. And I was a bit of a "high achiever" so I understand the need to not only do well but do your best. I suspect your dd is somewhat like that.

So, here's a suggestion. When things got to be too much for me I made a deal with my parents. I would work summers and Christmas break ONLY. I would save a minimum of 80% of my income in a bank account. What I made all summer was supposed to last me the entire school year for expenses and such until the next break when I could work again. In my case, I even paid for my school tuition this way because my parents couldn't afford it. Basically I worked really hard all summer, taking all the weekends and overtime I was offered, not spending too much money on unnecessary things and the money lasted. (Actually I even left college with a nice nest egg...).

The deal I had with my parents was that if I needed something significantly pricey like a new winter coat or new boots or anything like that I would ask them first and if they could pay for it or help out, they would.

I found this all very important so that I could concentrate on my studies during the school year. If you think senior year is hard university is much much harder.... So I think as a parent you might want to try to help her put together a plan that would make her life easier.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 11-03-2006 - 11:50am
Here, I can't imagine a kid working summers and holidays, saving 80% and paying tuition for even one semester at a state college-I dont know if thats a difference in tuition, taxes, or pay scales but 6.50/7 bucks an hour is typical for teens here in the Midwest and employers have no interest in allowing the hours that necessitate paying the money for OT. They dont even want them full time because that might mean providing benefits like health insurance.

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