Stressful week, need some help...
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| Tue, 03-27-2007 - 9:14am |
First off, my ds14 seems to have quite the interest in looking up pornography sites on the internet. I know he is curious and can understand that, but after the first 2 times catching him on the home computer and talking to him, now he has been caught at school doing it and we are waiting the punishment from the school. I am just afraid it will turn into an obsession and i am not sure how to deal with this. Any advice or similar situations from anyone would be greatly appreciated.
dd13 got a cell phone for her bday in February, prepay 100 minutes, 100 txt messages. She was doing really well, so we thought, then I received my cell phone bill, and she was getting my cell every night and instead of going to bed like she was suppose to, she took my phone and text messaged 2 hours every night for a month. I don't have unlimited text messages so you can imagine my surprise when the bill came....200.00. I was so furious, not just that the bill was outrageus(normally 39.00/mo), but that she had been sneaking my phone, deleting all the messages when she was done, the lack of respect, need i go on? Of course I immediately took the phone away and grounded her, but she wants to know if she will get the phone back or not. I don't know, is she to young, did she cross the line to far, please help me out with this? I just don't know where to go from here.
Thanks
Michelle

You poor thing - you have had quite a week, haven't you?
I don't have any btdt advice regarding the porn - I'm sure you'll get some great advice though!
For dd and the cell. Was she aware that texting was an "extra"? If not, she does now lol and maybe will be more considerate? If she did know - Does she need the cell due to activities? If so, I would probably give it back on a limited basis. Meaning, she has it when she's not home, but it gets returned to you immediately upon her return. If it's just a luxury, I would make her "buy" it back with the amount of her charges being the buy-back price. She can do extra chores for an amount to work towards her buy-back....really fun chores!! *sarcasm of course* For your cell, I would put a "lock" pin in it so no one else can use it but you... DD is in 9th grade and she has had a cell since the 4th grade - I have never had an issue with her with it. This past summer texting became the thing to do and luckily I knew she was doing it and asked her if this was going to continue since it was extra (kids don't think of things being "extra") - she said she would like to, so I added a texting service to her plan. She was working last summer and she paid for it (she paid me 9 months worth since she wasn't working during school)
I think using the phone late at night is a pretty common thing for most teens. Until the day DD turned 18, her cell phone was handed over to me at 9:00 pm for charging in my bedroom. It stayed there until she left in the morning. Anytime the girls have a charge for even 1 minute, they must work it off at minimum wage rate. They are not allowed to pay me from their savings. Personally, I think 13 is a little young for a cell phone, however, there are some cases that I can see it being necessary. Neither of my girls got a cell phone until they started driving b/c they weren't allowed anywhere without an adult driver so I didn't see the need for it.
I'm afraid I can't really help you much with the pornography b/c I don't have boys. I can relate that my older brother had a major addiction to porn. He had a military footlocker full of the stuff. It completely amazes me that my mom allowed this (yes, she knew). I don't mean to scare you but I do want to warn you. I feel that this addiction partially contributed his abusing me sexually (no, mom didn't know about that). I also blame his drug addiction for that. I'm not saying your DS will encounter any of these problems because I don't think he will because his mom is taking this seriously and is concerned with it. My mom just took the boys will be boys attitude. I guess I'm wanting to say your concern will make a huge difference. I'm sure there are some moms here that have dealt with this and they can actually advise you on what steps to take. Thanks for wanting to take steps!
Good Luck
Porn--caught DS17 viewing it a couple of years ago. Did an inet search and listened to a therapist on a long (45 min?) radio talk show. She suggested discussing with our teens our family values, respect for partners, STDs, porn addiction, inet safety/pedophiles etc. DS and I had that discussion and I'm quite sure he hasn't gone back to any porn sites since then. Never had to get any filters or spyware, but DS is not one who's on the computer very much.
Coudn't find the show I listened to, but here's a link that has many other links you may want to check out:
http://www.npr.org/search.php?text=teens+pornography&sort=DREDATE%3Anumberdecreasing&aggId=0&prgId=0&topicId=0&how_long_ago=0
Text messaging--blocked it on our account, all three of our cells. We're always 5 yrs behind when it comes to seeing new techonology as a necessity.
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http://www.pnhp.org/news/2009/october/meet_the_new_health_.php
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DQTBYQlQ7yM
Thank you all for your thoughts and suggestions, they are good ones and i will use what i can, this board is wonderful i am so glad i was able to come across this. Thank you.
Michelle