sue (ljd_mom_

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2000
sue (ljd_mom_
5
Sat, 10-07-2006 - 10:23am

Did your dd go to the teen night last night?

Pam
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2006
In reply to: jlsjjsmom
Sat, 10-07-2006 - 10:44am
Yes, please! Let us know how it went!

 

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-18-2005
In reply to: jlsjjsmom
Sat, 10-07-2006 - 2:08pm

It was "lame" - what else could a mother hope for!? LOL, but seriously. We got there about 8:15 and at first the owner said the security guard wasn't there yet, so they couldn't go in. I felt that defeated the plan of NOT having them hang out on the sidewalk, so I sat in the car and watched until they went in (about 5 minutes later).

Earlier, we had a (predictable) blow-out about pickup time. She said 11, we said 10, she threw a mini-tantrum, but then recovered, apologized, and said "even I'm allowed to have my 'teen moments'". I said, if you like it and it's great and you're safe, the next time you can stay later. She said how about I stay late this week and if it's not OK, we'll cancel for the next time. I told her the risks of being wrong (that it's unsafe) are too great! (An example of adult logic versus teen logic). Also, somehow I'm a mean and controlling mom for not just letting it go! Again, my logic is to gradually extend freedoms and look for more freedoms as she shows she can stay safe. I also said that DH and I were the only parents to even consider this - not one single other kid from DD's school was there (other than I, her bff, who invited her). How does this make us mean? Seems like this puts us in the top 1% of permissive and nice! Her response "don't go there mom" and she left the room. LOL

DH picked her up at 10, and she was waiting for him - actually called me to say he was late. She said not too many kids were there, it's still a new club. She danced with a few guys, but obviously nothing that blew her socks off.

An interesting note - she wanted to be dropped of at I's house and they'd walk together. I said I'll pick I up, because I want to see the club. I's mother has obviously picked up the fact that I don't 100% trust her and her daughter. She came out to the car and said "I want to tell you that I am here, and if they are here I am watching and listening. When you are ready, I want you to know that Leah is welcome for a sleepover". She's very nice, and was not weird about this. I feel a little bad if she feels insulted - and maybe a sleepover is in the future - but I didn't think the combo of club night and sleepover was a good idea.

Sue

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-17-2005
In reply to: jlsjjsmom
Mon, 10-09-2006 - 6:23pm

I might have missed this, but what are the reasons that I.'s mother has given you in the past for not trusting her?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-18-2005
In reply to: jlsjjsmom
Mon, 10-09-2006 - 7:48pm

I's mom is very nice, but somewhat naive. I is the one friend who has been most likely to experiment with alchohol, to go further first with boys, and to break rules. I's mom seems to alternately come down very strict, and then be guilty and over-buy high end clothes (tell me, what 15 year old should wear Burberry?). I didn't have enough time to talk to her about how the girls would get to and from the club, or to find out if she'd be home all night. "I" often doesn't have enough supervision, and this worries me. The dad owns a restaurant, and mom is going to school at night, so I'm not sure they know what 'I' is up to.

I don't know if this is relevant, but in the spring, 'I' had her mom drive her to a male classmates house to pick up missing homework. While mom was waiting in the car, they had oral sex. ((YUCK, I'm glad my DD feels comfortable telling me this stuff, but YUCK!!)). The combination of disrespect for mom, and cluelessness on the mom's side, puts my radar up.

Plus, DH and I still like to have control over when DD is out at night and when she comes home (not wandering the street).

So, not alot of specifics, but a general feeling.

Sue

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-07-2005
In reply to: jlsjjsmom
Tue, 10-10-2006 - 3:17am

Of course your radar should be up! I believe the "incident" last spring is definitely relative!

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I feel sorry for the mom in a way... even having made mistakes, how could a mom feel like her DD was giving a bj while on a homework pickup? Ughhhh...

I think you're handling it all just great!

zz