Summer job laziness
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| Fri, 06-22-2007 - 11:50pm |
Do any of you have problems getting your teens to work in summer?
DS17 has been driving me nuts. He applied for several jobs back in April, but none of them came to fruition. He asked his soccer coach if he could work in summer doing camps and reffing, and he counted on that. I'd been asking him for a month to find out how many hours he'd be getting, and just this week he found out that he would not be getting many hours. His soccer playing ended June 17th, and that's the day I told him he had to start paying for his gas. So this week he went around and applied at several places for a summer job--restaurants, Menards, etc. (Of course, he asked if he could drive MY car, now that he has to pay for gas. Uh...NO!) He printed up flyers offering yard work services, but they are still sitting on the kitchen counter.
He was scheduled to ref two nights this week, from 6-9pm. Last night he went. Today he went to the beach with friends, and called to tell me he got a friend to ref for him. Geesh!#@#!# Why does he NOT get it? Why should they keep him at THAT job, when he gets only two nights, and cancels 1, 50%? Does he care at all?
So tonight I told him he now has to pay for gas AND his auto insurance; and he is not allowed to go to the beach until he gets a job. Tomorrow I'm making him deposit all his graduation $ in the bank, so that I can see when he's withdrawing it. He knows he'll have to pay for incidentals in college, but has no motivation to save.
I SO want to make him come with us to VA to live, and attend community college instead of going to MSU in August. He is simply too irresponsible, lazy, spoiled....i dunno.

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Did your son do well in school? I read your post and I get it :( I have actually been worrying a bit about how DS is going to be as he gets older, but I sit back and realize that everything that my children are at this point is how I made them. They are lazy in some respects. They drive me crazy at times, but I know that I can't change them overnight. We are all working on some of this....more responsibility around the house etc. The only reason I share this is cause if he is a good kid with good grades, I wouldn't ever hold him back from attending a University vs community college :( I think that they're still kids and they have to continue to mature....some of that does happen at college....at least it did with me. Now, if his grades are terrible on top of the lazyness, I would understand more. Just my opinions.
Julie
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I have to take issue with this just a little bit! I know what you're saying, but sometimes my DH and I think to ourselves that we have no idea why our kids act the way they do because at times their behavior is so far from our own example. I think we parents have a big effect, but we don't have total control over how they turn out!
"I think we parents have a big effect, but we don't have total control over how they turn out!"
Oh, I agree with this, I didn't mean to make it sound like everything they do is our fault :)(although I did say that didn't I LOL) I was just giving you my insight to the "laziness" question. I believe that I have made my kids a bit lazy. Now, my DH and I are NOT lazy. We set a good example by our hard work and determination, but I personally have done sooooo much for my kids over the years that I just meant that I have created some of their lazyness. I do their laundry, I clean the kitchen, I have given them soo much. This may not be the way you have raised your kids, so don't take offense. I was just telling you that I have realized that some of why they drop their clothes on the ground is because they know that somehow, miracoulsy, they always get picked up! *grin* I am working on changing things, I just know that they won't change over night :)
Julie
Edited 6/23/2007 9:07 am ET by jbgattuso
To a certain extent I do think that our kids are who we made them, but there are outside influences that weigh in too.
Parenting teens doesn't just start at 12 or 13 though, it starts when they're toddlers and preschoolers.
" They don't amazingly start meeting parental expectations and limits when they're teens, they have to learn to do it as toddlers."
This is exactly why I know that I won't be able to change some of their behavoirs over night. I also am not dogging myself or anyone else for making some parenting mistakes....I am not perfect. I will say that I have learned from my mistakes LOL my 6 yr old cleans her own room everyday and already helps me with the Dishes LOL :) My boys aren't bad kids and we were always really tough on disipline and expect them to be respectful.... we did teach them to give school and activities their all and they are very self motivated in many areas...they are just used to Mom and dad picking up their slack :) Now I will say one more thing. My mom raise me in a clean orderly house. She did everything for me. I did learn from my parents examples, but I didn't put them to use until I was on my own. For instance, I never cleaned my own room at home :(, but I was soooooo used to living in a clean home that when I went off to college, I was concidered a "clean" person, cause I couldn't stand the clutter. :)
Julie
Julie
I do think my college freshman matured this year!
He was terrible with money and I can safely say it is still not his strength but he is AWARE it's hard for him-knew not to get a credit card for example because "I just can't have one of those".
I was also shocked at how little he got by on at college. At home, he was always smooth talking me into new clothes or 'forgetting' to give us change from running errands. We deposited a set amount in his account 2/mo at college and he made it work
As expensive as college is, we forget to factor in all the extras we get talked into and(at least here)the snacks and soft drinks. My bills have skyrocketed in the month he has been back home(college did NOT teach him to turn off lights)
He has always worked but getting involved with the park district was a wise choice because they always want him back so he doesnt have to look each summer. He is working his butt off because he screwed up last summer and has been demoted(Im thrilled-he needed some consequences and demoted beats fired)He is putting in gobs of OT and his manager is impressed with his turn around and gave him an application for some management training for NEXT summer
Sorry if this is more than you asked for but they can change and grow. I am constantly amazed at how my boys have picked them up after some serious, 'where did I go wrong' as a parent screwups.
I do recommend looking at what amount of spending money you plan to provide, setting it soon so he is aware and sticking to it. I know I started a thread once on the college kids board and I think there was thread another after mine. I cant recall what we gave-we had it automatically deducted from DHs paychecks.
Julie,
That is EXACTLY how we've raise our kids too, so no offense taken!! I just see some aspects of their personalities that there seems to be no accounting for! :-)
His grades are good, and he can do very well when he applies himself. It is just so hard for me to stop comparing him with DS24, who was by no means the perfect teen/college student. But DS24 would have let his friends know ahead of time that he could stay at the beach only until 4, cuz he had to work at 6. Especially if that was his only job, and a very part-time one. When it came to job responsibilities, DS24 'got it', even though we never made him pay for gas or auto insurance.
I do blame myself for doing too much for DS17 in his earlier years. He was always a pleaser and, up until he was 15.5, so willing to help with anything, anytime--no laziness or uncooperativeness then. I thought it was okay that I did a lot for him. Never expected him to turn into a lazy, demanding 16/17 yo.
This A.M. he did get up and wash his car that had salsa stuck on it for one month, no exaggeration--a friend's decorating job. He also went on a five-mile run and followed up on some job apps. He just needs to be more conistent--a burst of acting responsibly every couple of weeks does not cut it in the real world.
To OPs who gave advice on spending money in college and letting me know that kids can mature their freshman year, thanks. I'll check out the college board and keep my fingers crossed that some magic happens that first year away from home.
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DQTBYQlQ7yM
I have alot of trouble getting my 15 going on 16 yo dd to do much over the summer. And its amazing really.
She is a student who gets top grades, and during the school year works hard to get those grades. Teachers always call her "delightful to teach". She dances on a competitive dance team and has to be at the studio 10 hours or more a week. Then there are all the additional rehearsals, competitions, performances etc. She's busy all the time.
But when summer comes getting her off her duff to do anything is a miracle. She complains about missing dance so I bring her to a local fitness studio that offers summer drop-in classes and she says "We'll see...maybe". But I know she won't go...she never does. She complains about being bored so I offer her some work at my office, well paid for a summer student. She has reluctantly agreed but to only two weeks. At least there is that much I guess! And then she has to do community service work to graduate high school (its mandatory in our region). She is going into grade 11 and has yet to do 5 minutes of volunteer work anywhere. Anytime I offer up some thoughts/ideas its always "nah...I don't want to do that". And the worst? I told her if she isn't working this summer I would pay her to do some over and above housework for me and lighten my load. The response? She laughed out loud and asked why she would do that. Uhhh, for the money maybe???
Now, if its a trip to the amusement park or a friends house -- no problem -- she springs into action.
If she wasn't an otherwise good student and good kid (she never gets into any trouble, really), I would just freak out. But as it is I still worry about her ability to become a responsible, self-sufficient young adult when at this age she is so difficult to motivate...
My 18 yo recent h.s. grad worked from the time she was 16, during the summer and p.t. during the school year. The store closed a couple of months ago and she didn't want to get a job right away because she had track practice every day after school. I thought that was ok and she would get a job in the summer. Well, she had the prom, then went away w/ some friends for a few days. She came back and there was graduation. The next week, she went to college orientation for 3 days, then that Sat. was her graduation party. This week (from last Wed. to this Thurs.) she is on a cruise w/ her friend, all expenses paid by the friend's aunt. By the time she gets back, now it's July and I'm thinking is anyone going to hire her just for 2 months, since she is going away to college. A new clothing store that she loves is opening at the mall, so she wants to apply there, but like I said, will they just want people who will be staying after the summer? Otherwise, I suggested that she do temp office work, which is what I used to do. She thought that was a good idea. We'll see.
Oh, and she has her own car so she has to pay for all her gas & ins plus entertainment. But she got a lot of money for graduation, so she easily could just use that. I don't care if she doesn't work in college cause I don't know how hard the courses will be, but she seemed to want to work. Then again, there are 1000's of students. I don't know how many jobs will be available in the community if there are so many kids looking for work.
I also agree that if your DS got into a good college, don't make him go to a community college. Maybe he needs to go away to grow up and be more responsible.
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