Summer job laziness

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2006
Summer job laziness
19
Fri, 06-22-2007 - 11:50pm

Do any of you have problems getting your teens to work in summer?

DS17 has been driving me nuts. He applied for several jobs back in April, but none of them came to fruition. He asked his soccer coach if he could work in summer doing camps and reffing, and he counted on that. I'd been asking him for a month to find out how many hours he'd be getting, and just this week he found out that he would not be getting many hours. His soccer playing ended June 17th, and that's the day I told him he had to start paying for his gas. So this week he went around and applied at several places for a summer job--restaurants, Menards, etc. (Of course, he asked if he could drive MY car, now that he has to pay for gas. Uh...NO!) He printed up flyers offering yard work services, but they are still sitting on the kitchen counter.

He was scheduled to ref two nights this week, from 6-9pm. Last night he went. Today he went to the beach with friends, and called to tell me he got a friend to ref for him. Geesh!#@#!# Why does he NOT get it? Why should they keep him at THAT job, when he gets only two nights, and cancels 1, 50%? Does he care at all?

So tonight I told him he now has to pay for gas AND his auto insurance; and he is not allowed to go to the beach until he gets a job. Tomorrow I'm making him deposit all his graduation $ in the bank, so that I can see when he's withdrawing it. He knows he'll have to pay for incidentals in college, but has no motivation to save.

I SO want to make him come with us to VA to live, and attend community college instead of going to MSU in August. He is simply too irresponsible, lazy, spoiled....i dunno.

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http://www.pnhp.org/news/2009/october/meet_the_new_health_.php

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DQTBYQlQ7yM

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-14-2006
Wed, 06-27-2007 - 1:32pm
I woudn't worry too much about it. Kids do not have much time to be kids anymore. It sounds like her school year is very structured with little free time. Let her have a few weeks to read, relax, and pursue her own interests.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-14-2006
Wed, 06-27-2007 - 1:35pm
I am curious. How much money do you allot to your son per month at college? I've thought that a budget like that would work with my DD, but I am unsure of how much money to deposit. She tends to spend everything that I give her for allowance right now. . .
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-14-2006
Wed, 06-27-2007 - 1:43pm
I don't get the penalty of community college versus University. If he is planning for the University, took the SATs and other tests, and filled out all the applications and essays, he's showing initiative. He needs to be encouraged to grow and become an adult. Keeping him at home is only likely to increase tensions, and community college work is not going to be as challanging as the University work would be. I also do not think it is fair to decide mid-summer that it he needs to pay for his own insurance. Make a contract with him that would reasonably reflect what you expect from him and what his contribution should be. How much do you expect him to work in college? Are you footing the bill? What types of grades do you expect while he is in college? Does he plan on grad school? I do think that it is smart to account for the graduation money if it is earmarked for college.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2006
Fri, 06-29-2007 - 12:38am

"I also do not think it is fair to decide mid-summer that it he needs to pay for his own insurance."

That might seem mean when he doesn't have a job, but really, why does he need a car if he's not driving to work or school? He could get a job at a grocery store, except he thinks he's to good for that--had to clean bathrooms and empty beer bottles with cig butts in them last summer at a grocery store. When he said it was unfair for us to make him pay for gas and insurance cuz his older brother never had to, we simply said his older brother always worked part time. That's all we expect.

I did make him volunteer a few hours this week, and he's made a phone call to do more volunteering. I'd be willing to pay for gas/ins. if he does that but it better be more than a few hours a week.

My nephew, who was a very good student in HS, did poorly (low grades, partying) his first year when he was away at college and his parents brought him home the next year. He worked until he saved enough to attend a college in their city, where he eventually earned his bachelors degree. Now he's in grad school, so all turned out well in the end.

We plan to pay DS's tuition, room and board; but only if his grades are good enough and he stays out of trouble. I'm praying that the lack of motivation to get a job does not carry over to his schoolwork when he's away at college. I don't think the effort required to fill out college apps and take the ACT is anywhere near what's required to be successful as a freshman, on his own for the first time.

-----------------------------------------------
http://www.pnhp.org/news/2009/october/meet_the_new_health_.php

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DQTBYQlQ7yM

Avatar for jbgattuso
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-29-2003
Fri, 06-29-2007 - 10:43am

"anywhere near what's required to be successful as a freshman, on his own for the first time."

I say this with NO disrespect or anything mean.....

From your origianl post to some of your answers, I can't help but wonder if You are the one that is not ready for him to be out on his own. I say this, because I am two yrs away from it and sometimes I find myself wondering how I am going to let go. I have spent so many yrs taking care of my child and "fixing" things for him and I have been told by my DH before that he thinks that sometimes he thinks that I think DS can't do something on his own because if he could...what am I here for. I'm not sure if I am explaining myself well....but it's just a thought.

Julie

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2006
Fri, 06-29-2007 - 11:36pm

You seem to imply that I need him to justify my value. While I admit I do need and love my son, I do not need him to make me whole.

When he got in trouble with the HS for drinking last fall he got very depressed--part of it may have been due to the fact that he felt he let us parents down, but the bigger factor was that he was ostracized by the school with its punishments. When I forced him to see a therapist for his depression, the therapist said he appears to be confident, but at the same time he's immature in some respects; and I agree. It's that immaturity that makes me worry about him in college--not the fact that I need him to make myself feel worthwhile. He's clearly a follower. I want him to use his own brain. He's got the capacity but doesn't always use it. I know he can do things on his own. What I worry about is the things he'll choose (with his undeveloped frontal lobe) to do.




Edited 6/29/2007 11:38 pm ET by janetlz

-----------------------------------------------
http://www.pnhp.org/news/2009/october/meet_the_new_health_.php

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DQTBYQlQ7yM

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999
Sat, 06-30-2007 - 9:38am

Julie, you commented "he thinks that I think DS can't do something on his own because if he could...what am I here for."

Avatar for jbgattuso
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-29-2003
Sat, 06-30-2007 - 11:30am

"I sooo understand that comment."

Rose,
Thank you for telling me you understand :) It helps sometimes to know that I'm not crazy.

Also, The point that you make to the OP by saying, "likely a more mature person than he was a year ago. Transitions are hard for everyone, but everyone grows because of them, and I'm confident you will get through this just fine"

My DS and I just recently had a discussion and he said, "mom although, I know you want to save me from pain, you have to let me make some of my own mistakes and I need to feel whatever comes with those mistakes so I can learn from them". Yep that came out of the mouth of the 16 yr old that I think can't "think" for himself :)

Julie

Avatar for jbgattuso
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-29-2003
Sat, 06-30-2007 - 11:52am

"You seem to imply that I need him to justify my value. While I admit I do need and love my son, I do not need him to make me whole."

As I said in my post to you, I was not trying to offend YOU at all. I was just adding my thouhts because of how I have felt and thought it might help if you heard others tell you that they felt the same way. I guess you don't feel that way at all, so I'm sorry. I actually have felt less than whole at times without my children :( When my DS's went off to camp for 2 weeks the first time...I felt as if my right and left arms were cut off. I felt better the second yr, and I know that little by little I am preparing myself for their departure for good.

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