summer school blues

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
summer school blues
22
Wed, 06-27-2007 - 1:06pm

DH got the news that his DD, who just finished 11th grade, failed 2 major subjects this year (English & Math) and so won't be promoted. Accd. to her, it would still be possible to graduate next year if she takes 7 classes, which is the max. number of periods per day, meaning no study period. The other option would be to do summer school (july 9-Aug 9). Of course, DSD doesn't want to do that cause it means (1) she will have to study and (2) it will probably mean she can't do the babysitting for her aunt that was going to be her summer job, cause I don't think she could make it there on time for her aunt to leave for work. Of course, DH is usually not very good at handling these types of things. This is after last week's drama of DSD charging an extra $80 on the cell phone from text messaging, he got mad at her for various things and she snuck out of the house late and night to go to a friend's.

First, DH starts the conversation by saying "You have a choice of either going to summer school or taking extra classes next year or staying back." so she says take extra next year. Then he says "No, you can't do that cause I don't believe you can handle it. You have to go to summer school." Well, if he was going to decide that himself, and I think he is probably right about that, cause this isn't the first failing grade, then why even say you have a choice. Just say "I'm the father and I have to decide this cause you haven't been responsible." He says summer school will cost us $300 and if you don't pass, you will have to pay for it. ok. Then he starts saying that she won't be able to use the car until the classes are over and she passes. Now we are getting into overkill, in my opinion. How is she supposed to get to school to go to summer school? There is no public bus, no school bus and we both work. He goes to work at 6:00 a.m. I can't remember exactly when the 1st class starts, I am thinking 8:30. Is she supposed to sit on the lawn in front of the school for that time or hang out in Dunkin Donuts? and then how will she get home? He says "I will take my lunch hour and go pick her up." Yeah, that's realistic. He works in a hardware type store. Half the time, he doesn't even get to take a lunch hour if they are busy, so now he is going to leave every day and take about an hour w/o pay to do this. His reasoning is that she will go out w/ her friends every day after school and not study. Well, I'm sure she isn't going to be studying 8 hrs. a day anyway, even if she's home. My idea would be to say "you have to take the courses, it's your responsibility to do the homework and pass and if you don't, then you'll have to pay back the $300 and THEN you can't use the car for the rest of the summer." That sounds like a good incentive to me.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-17-2005
Wed, 06-27-2007 - 1:23pm
I have my own summer school blues with ds17.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Wed, 06-27-2007 - 1:25pm

One more thing I wanted to add--I was trying to talk to DSD constructively, instead of just being mad at her like her dad was. She says "I was trying" as far as the failing grades went, but she never asked us for help, never asked for a tutor, etc. We never saw her w/ a book at home.

So I am trying to emphasize that it's her future that's on the line here and that the failing grades are ultimately only going to hurt her, not us, since we already graduated from college and have jobs. I said that it will probably be impossible for her to get into college unless she goes to a community college where they basically accept anyone and her response was "well, that's where I figured I would go anyway." I said "why? wouldn't you want to have a choice of where you want to go?" It's really hard for me to figure that attitude out. I don't know whether it's really low self esteem or what. Noone is calling her dumb or saying she can't get better grades. I don't know if she's comparing herself to my DD who just graduated in the top 10% of the class and assuming that if she couldn't do that well, why bother to even try.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-14-2006
Wed, 06-27-2007 - 1:56pm
You might try an online class. Then, ds can proceed at his own pace.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-14-2006
Wed, 06-27-2007 - 2:08pm

Not everyone has the same goals. What are her career goals? What types of things does she enjoy doing? We aren't all going to be physicians. Maybe a trade school would be more to her liking. Is she into fashion? Video games? Hair styling? Help her develop her sense of her future so she can see the pertinence of her education to her plans.

As far as the courses she failed, there are probably other options rather than the summer school that seems logistically difficult.

Here are a couple of independent study options:
http://scs.indiana.edu/hs/courseList_hs.php?deptCode=ENG&
http://cdis.missouri.edu/studentinfo/coursedisplay.asp?l=h&t=w

Costs are under $200 for high school classes.

She could blow out one of these classes this summer so she'd only need 6 this school year. You'd have to be actively involved to help her make out an assignment schedule and submit things regularly.

This next year, stay in contact with her teachers to keep her on track. Get interim grade reports and find out about major projects that need to get done. Sometimes we need a little extra help.

I am 40+, a professional, and very successful, but I also am still in need of a helping hand from time to time to make my life run smoothly.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-17-2005
Wed, 06-27-2007 - 2:25pm

oh no, bwahahaha, an online course would require him to work independently, and he cannot do that either.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Wed, 06-27-2007 - 2:35pm

Well, this is the thing, she says she wants to be an elementary school teacher and you need a college degree to do that. Our h.s. has an excellent vocational program, everything from cooking to woodworking, medical assistant. She has never shown any interest in that. I think she would be good as a teacher. She likes kids and she had an after school job this year taking care of the kids in the elementary school.

The thing about school is that her dad doesn't tell me about any of these problems as they are occurring. I don't know if he's embarrassed because my kids are good students, or what. Therefore, it was left up to him and he didn't follow through. Before, when she was having trouble w/ math, he had the teacher get back to him weekly to make sure she was doing her assignments and wasn't falling behind. When she showed she was having trouble w/ these subjects, he should have done something like that again, instead of just leaving it up to her. It's kind of obvious that she needs more of a push and someone who is keeping track of what she's doing.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 06-27-2007 - 3:51pm

A hug for living with a DH who sounds like mine!

That conversation would be exactly something he would say and when I asked "How is she going to get to school?" he would spout that is was HER problem

Heck, he said this type of stuff when they were 8 years old.

There are no study periods here-even for my kid with an IEP. I thought everyone had gotten rid of them so, trust me, she can survive without a study period.

Does she have to have 4 years of math? 3 are required here. I sure wouldnt be making her do anymore than she has to in order to graduate

The way I see it she should, at most, have 4 classes- 2 English, 2 Math??. And then maybe there is some typical senior thing she will need-here its government

But 7? Are you guys perhaps too focused on college prep?

Or is it just that much more competitive out East?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Wed, 06-27-2007 - 4:12pm

I was trying to look at the school handbook at 11:00 last night. They need only 20 credits (which I guess would be a full year class) to graduate, incl. 3 yrs. of math, 4 yrs. of english and I forget what else. In order to pass for each year, that means they have to pass 5 classes. She told me that she took 7 classes this year, but that must be wrong, since that would mean even if she failed 2, she still would have passed 5 and been promoted, so she must have taken only 6. I believe that in order to have enough credits to graduate, then she would have to take 2 english classes next year, which would be ok since the senior english is an elective and then I don't know what exactly else. I asked DH to call the school to find out if what she said is true. He feels (and I do too) that it would be too much for her to take 7 classes in one year if she isn't a good student.

She wants to be a teacher, so that means going to college. I already warned her a couple of years ago that she couldn't get into the state univ unless she took 3 yrs of college prep math. Since she failed math in 9th grade, that means she was put into "academic" level math for 10th grade, plus a remedial math class. In 11th grade, she was in academic level again, but she was told if she did well 1st quarter, she could switch into college prep. I guess that wasn't important enough to make the effort.

The courses and amount of things the kids have to take seems much harder than when I was in high school, and I went to an all college prep school. My DD's classes for senior year were:

Anatomy & Physiology (Honors)
Physics (honors)
Calculus (advanced placement)
Violence in American Society - 1st sem. English
Semantics - 2nd sem. English
Psychology - 1 sem.
Sociology - 2nd sem.
Spanish IV honors

She still had a study period, but seniors who have a B average have senior privilege, which means that when study is 1st period, they can go in late and if it's last, they can leave early. She was very happy to sleep late.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2005
Wed, 06-27-2007 - 6:42pm

I tend to be hard nose when it comes to this sort of thing.

If it were my son I would most likely require him to repeat the entire year. That's the consequence for not taking his education seriously the first time around.

My first inclination would be to not allow summer school. However, if I did, it would be my son who would be paying for the classes pass or fail. Since it's his money on the line, he'll be more vested in the courses and more likely to study. I also do not feel that it's my job to pay for my child to retake a class that he's already taken and failed. He messed up and it's up to him to be accountable for his actions.

stacy

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-14-2006
Wed, 06-27-2007 - 7:22pm

It sounds like her dad is part of her problem.

I am not sure there is much you can do if this is part of their private domain.

If she wants to be an elementary school teacher, she can still pull her act together at a community college later on and transfer to a state school. It would be nice for her to graduate on time. It'll be a long senior year for you since you'll be watching, wondering, and waiting, but you are powerless to intervene. Thank goodness she is almost of age.

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