Sweet 16

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-14-2006
Sweet 16
10
Tue, 03-06-2007 - 7:47pm

Another Sweet 16 - this one is at a rented hall - and the invites went out on Facebook. DH and I decided that L can go, but I want to call the parents first - just to make sure they'll be there, and to hear them tell me how they're going to keep alchohol and drugs (and univited people)out of the party. L is totally humiliated that I would do this (and will be very PO'd when her dad tells her he's going to pick her up BEFORE midnight). I told her I understand why my calling the parents would be embarrassing, but I still think it's reasonable to do (and I totally question the judgement/intelligence of ANYONE who allows their child to post a party on a web site!).

My DD is such a good kid basically - she really doesn't challenge us on very much - but the party thing is one she really tries to push.

Also, I think this bugs me more because (unlike elementary school), I don't know any of the parents. This is a city-wide HS, and other than PTA meetings there are few opportunities to meet and gain comfort with other parents. I miss this connection that I had when she was younger!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2006
In reply to: luv_l_and_s
Wed, 03-07-2007 - 11:32am

I'm in total agreement with you on this, Sue! Allowing their DD to post the invitation to this party on the internet? I can't even begin to think what these parents were thinking ... perhaps they weren't? Or aren't very well versed or in-tune with the habits and ways of teenagers these days? And how far and spread anything posted on the internet can spread? Yikes.

Not only do I think calling the parents is a reasonable thing to do, I think it's in L's best interest, to make sure she will be safe at this party. Being the 'half glass empty' kind of person that I am, I have visions of mayhem and bedlam ... hoards of teens trying to crash ... you know, the unsupervised parties of OUR youth, lolol. My how times have changed!

Depending on how the convo with the bday girls' parents goes, I might have even reserved the right to change my mind about letting her go.

Good luck and let us know how this one goes! Is the party anytime soon?




Edited 3/7/2007 11:33 am ET by hydrangea_blue

 

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-14-2006
In reply to: luv_l_and_s
Wed, 03-07-2007 - 12:00pm

That's the funny part - it's Friday - "sorry for the short notice, Mom" LOLOL I think L was seeing if any of her friends were going before she put in the effort to discuss it with me and DH.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-17-2005
In reply to: luv_l_and_s
Wed, 03-07-2007 - 12:57pm


I hear that!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2006
In reply to: luv_l_and_s
Wed, 03-07-2007 - 4:18pm

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Good point, Marie. I also totally agree with you, Sue's DD sounds like a very responsible and trustworthy young lady!

 

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2003
In reply to: luv_l_and_s
Wed, 03-07-2007 - 7:43pm

I totally agree with you. My guess is the parents have no clue she did invites on facebook or if they did they have no clue what that means ie -- party crashers!

I'd call the parents too frankly. And if your daughter is embarassed well too bad. Just ask her if she'd prefer to be less embarassed or home that night ...

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-14-2006
In reply to: luv_l_and_s
Wed, 03-07-2007 - 10:31pm
Both my kids have facebook, and I have to say it is different than Myspace in that you can create an event and only invite certain people. Only the invited people see the event, when it is or where it is being held. The event will list who was invited, who has responded, and whether they are attending or not and also people who have not responded at all. If this is the way the invitation went out, and not a general anyone can come, your DD should be able to give you an idea of who was invited and is attending. It is a private way of inviting friends, everyone cannot see it, if that is the way it was done. That being said, I would not hesitate to check with the parents. Your daughter may be embarassed, but its better than getting into a situation she would not be able to handle. As a parent I would not mind if someone contacted me to check and be sure an event was being chaperoned.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2003
In reply to: luv_l_and_s
Wed, 03-07-2007 - 11:13pm
Well...yes and no. You have to set up the event as either "closed" or "private". If it is "closed" key information is kept limited to invitees but it appears on news feeds when the guests accept and other people who may just be their friends see the rsvp and may request invitations. It doesn't guarantee that the guests don't reveal info. As a "secret" event it is more private only to the invitees.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2006
In reply to: luv_l_and_s
Wed, 03-07-2007 - 11:52pm

DH & I do exactly the same thing in our home. DD(16yo) wants to attend a party anywhere and we speak to the parents. My DD gave me sang the same tune "it is really embarassing", our response we call and feel comfortable then you can attend. We don't make the call the you will not be in attendance. She has always chose the call. Trust your instincts, set the boundaries, they eventually get the idea.

Besides you know we parents are here to make simple things complex. LOL

Happy Parenting - Anna

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-14-2006
In reply to: luv_l_and_s
Thu, 03-08-2007 - 6:46am

After reading some of the posts, I realized my main focus should be on talking to L about the risks. I said "just a warning, some time before the party I'm going to want to talk to you (maybe lecture) about things to be careful about". Interestingly, her response was "good. that will be more permanent than just talking to the parents". LOL she's way ahead of me sometimes!

Sue

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2006
In reply to: luv_l_and_s
Thu, 03-08-2007 - 12:19pm

I learned the hard way of not calling, until I caught my son drunk as a skunk one night and my daughter lied and had her boyfriend over. I really just like to have an understanding of who the parents are. Some of my kid's friends I know really well, and I play cards with their mothers and are in book clubs with them, so I trust when my kids go to their homes. But the kids who I have never met the parents of, I usually call to just get a better feel of the place, much to my daughter's dismay.

Adelaide