Sweet 16s

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-14-2006
Sweet 16s
6
Sat, 01-13-2007 - 6:53pm

I know this was discussed a few months ago (by Julie/hydrangea, I think), but I need feedback/help with the issue of Sweet 16s. My DD15 has four best friends - these five have been together for the most part since the first week of 7th grade (they're in a 7-12 school). We never planned to do a big bash for 16th birthday - we did a Bat Mitzvah when she was 13, and honestly the 16th thing never occured to me until recently. All four of the BFFs are planning some sort of celebration - limo to a fancy restaurant, family party, or something similar. DD asked them recently if you got gifts for Sweet 16, and they all said "Of Course!" and shared a story about another friend, where they all chipped in for a Coach bag. But the end of the story was - of course they were less generous with that other girl than they would be with a bff, becasue she is a more casual friend.

Now my DD is freaked out that she's expected to pay $50 or more for each buddy. I admire my DD that she *did not* ask me and DH to pay - but we probably will pay at least half, if not more. My DD is sort of mad that such big gifts are expected, that she'll appear cheap with a Bath and Body Works package or something. They even have an agreement of no birthday presents within their group, to minimize the stress.

I have mixed feelings - I certainly don't mind buying (or helping to buy) birthday gifts for my DD's friends. I buy for DS7's friends, and vice versa. But it's weird that such extravgance is expected.

It's not even that we can't afford it - we can. It's just rubbing me wrong, and obviously is bugging my DD,too.

These girls have a much different sense of money than my DD does. She has an allowance. If she needs more, I give it to her, but she has a sense of how much money she spends in a week. Her friends don't have allowances, they just get money from their parents when they need it. They also have parents who shop at Bloomindales, etc, and we shop Delia's or Macy's. Not so much how much money you have, but where you choose to spend it.

Anyway, any advice? I went to overstock.com and they have some unique and pretty stuff - no one would know it was from Overstock of course. We also have a great vintage store near us that DD loves to shop at - he might have some unique things that are more 'special' than pricey.

WWYD?

Julie, what did C do?

Sue

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2006
In reply to: luv_l_and_s
Sat, 01-13-2007 - 11:27pm

Sue,

C had two 'Sweet 16' parties back to back in December. One was quite extravagant and the other, not quite so much. Since it was the holiday season and great sales were in full swing, I found sterling silver Tiffany-style bracelets on sale for $29.99 at Things Remembered. The bracelets each had a silver heart-shaped charm that I had engraved with the bday girls' name on one side and 'Sweet 16' on the other. The engraving was minimal ($10?) and C says the bracelets were very well received by both of the recipients. I think I also tucked in a token Bath & Body Works bubble bath or body butter. And yes, I did pay for them because I know she likes to be able to buy nice gifts for us all for Christmas.

I asked C what sorts of other gifts the bday girls got and she mentioned things like a Swatch watch, lots of gift cards, earrings, Bath & Body Works (!) ... I don't remember hearing of anything I thought was over-the-top or expensive and DD too, attends a school with a fairly high population of 'rich kids'.

I like the idea of unique and/or special gifts from the vintage store! That is a pretty nifty idea! I hope this helps! Let me know what you come up with.

 

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-14-2006
In reply to: luv_l_and_s
Sun, 01-14-2007 - 10:41pm
The cycle of sweet 16 parties hasn't started here. DD15 just had her birthday and received gifts from $10 to $25 from friends. That's pretty typical for the parties she attends for others, too. We live in an area of million dollar houses, though ours is more modest, and dd attends the "highest class" high school in the area. There are probably cliques that practice more expensive gifting at the school, but I am thankful that DD is in a down to earth group. I raised DD with a sense of her own individual dressing style and an awareness of how expensive and wasteful faddish brand names can be. She has little respect for girls that are hooked on brands. She wouldn't dream of buying an expensive brand name gift for a friend with expensive tastes. The special, affordable, unique gift would be our choice.
Avatar for heartsandroses2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: luv_l_and_s
Mon, 01-15-2007 - 10:25am

Having been through several "Sweet 16" scenarios, I can totally empathize with you (and your dd) on how ridiculous its become regarding extravagant gifts!

I truly think that your dd should really consider the person and get her something that she thinks that person will love - not something expensive or that screams 'trendy', but something that she really thinks that person will enjoy and cherish.

My now 19dd became known as a scrapbook queen. She created really excellent scrapbooks for each of her closest girlfriends along the way, whether it was for a special birthday or graduation, a big move, etc. If she was careful and bought her supplies at a craft store or walmart, she was able to create awesome scrapbooks chronolizing the friendships within thier circle for not a lot of money. The gift is always cherished and receives a lot of praise, oohs and aaahs from everyone!

My 17dd didn't attend a lot of Sweet 16's but she had a party for hers and received fairly normal gifts - nothing over the top and nothing really expensive. You could tell which friends figured it out and paid for thier own gifts and which friends had help from mom. One of her friends wrote her a beautiful poem and created her own artwork to match, framed it and that was her gift to dd. DD cherishes that gift more than any other. Another couple of friends (3 boys, in fact) gave her a photo album that she filled up right away along with a Care Bear, which she loves.

I think if your dd gives a gift from her heart with her friend's likes in mind, she can't go wrong. Personally, I think gift giving amongst teens has gotten completely out of control and it's ridiculous for your dd to feel that an expensive gift is necessary.

Avatar for phacademy
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2003
In reply to: luv_l_and_s
Mon, 01-15-2007 - 7:01pm

All I can say is *wow!*


DS2 is having his 16th b-day today, and took two friends (one from a college class-18 and

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
In reply to: luv_l_and_s
Tue, 01-16-2007 - 12:04pm

My DD is 17 so last year she went to a lot of parties, but there was no emphasis on how much the gift should be, it was regular birthday gifts, which she spent her own money for, so I'm sure it wasn't a lot. Last year she was working in Marshall's (a discount store) and this year, she works in Pier 1, so I'm sure most of her presents come from those store. I was really even surprised that people made such a big deal of the 16th birthday, to me it was just another birthday, and you can't even get your driver's license now until 16 1/2, where it was more exciting to me cause I could get my license right at 16. A lot of kids had parties at a hall w/ a DJ, etc. That seemed kind of expensive to me. We took some friends to play laser tag and they had a really good time, then had pizza and cake right there.

BTW, have you ever seen the TV show "My super sweet 16?" This is just incredible to me. These girls (mostly snobby spoiled rich girls that you would love to slap) have these amazing parties that are way more extravagant than most people's weddings. I heard from the other room that my DD was watching one last night where the birthday girl actually got 2 cars from her father--an SUV for everyday and some kind of fancier car for the weekends! Their husbands will never measure up to their fathers. It would be nice to see some rich father say "I'm not going to waste all this money on a party and let's give some money to the less fortunate who really need it." But that wouldn't make good TV, I guess.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2006
In reply to: luv_l_and_s
Tue, 01-16-2007 - 12:20pm

That Sweet 16 show on television was my first indoctrination to the Sweet 16 parties of today. I saw one recently where the bday girl picked out a $96,000 Jaguar convertible ... and got it! Egad.

My big bash at 16 was dinner of my choice for our family of four -- KFC.