Take girlfriend when my son moves into dorm?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Take girlfriend when my son moves into dorm?
15
Mon, 08-13-2012 - 7:53am

Hi!

I have a question. I will be moving my son into the dorm very soon. His girlfriend wants to go with us. I don't have a problem with the girlfriend. I think she is a very sweet girl. I just think that my son needs to get his mind on college at this point. He has had a long summer with her but I think he needs to get his mind on school now. I think he should be concentrating on getting settled in his new environment and making new friends. I understand that she is upset about being separated but she will still have to say goodbye whether it is the night before or the day of move-in.    I suggested that perhaps she could go up with us on a future trip nstead. It only takes a few hours to get up there.  Do you think it is appropriate for a girlfriend to go to the move-in or should this be a family thing? I'm just trying to make sure I'm making the right decision. Thanks for any advice you all could provide.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003

Hi! I wanted to thank all of you for the replies! I have much thought I have decided that she will not be going up there with us on move-in day. I did invite her to go up there with us during a future visit. I think it was the right decision for us. Thanks again for all of your help. I needed to hear different viewpoints on the issue before I made my decision. Take care!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2000
Wed, 08-15-2012 - 11:43am
Will be thinking of you tomorrow, Con. Hoping for a great first year for your ds and that he is able to find a good, healthy balance of fun and school. Be sure to post over on POCollege Students about how things got. Justin starts back at the CC on Monday. Hoping that the 3rd time trying college is the charm for him. We've made our expectations clear that this is his last chance on our dime. Anything below a 3.0 and we're done. He's 22 and after 2 years of college probably has BARELY enough credits to be considered a 2nd year student.

LOL didn't mean to turn this into a vent about my kid - best of luck to yours!
Pam
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999
Tue, 08-14-2012 - 7:24pm

I agree with you Pam - the relationship may very well not last past first semester - however, if it looks like parents on either side are fighting the relationship or trying to keep them apart, the relationship could very well last long beyond what it would otherwise.  I always think of James & Chrissy.... Through high school and college her parents (especially her mother) fought the relationship and tried to keep them apart.  Then he enlisted in the USMC and it was the USMC trying to keep them apart. After he got out of the Marines, there was nothing more working to keep them apart and the relationship would have been dead 6 months after he left the Marines if they hadn't been married.  Instead, it hung on for another 2 years while they tried repeated reconcilliations before they divorced.

I say, let the gf go along, trying to keep her away could very well turn it into a "you and me against the world" situation.  If she's so immature that she's crying when he leaves the house, she's not going to have a long enough attention span for a long distance relationship to last more than a few months.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2000
Hi Happy - A few of us replied over on the Parents of College Kids board the other day. Here's what I said:

Each of my boys had their (then) gf's tag along on freshman move in day. It was no big deal. As Sue mentioned - move in day is so hectic that your ds isn't really going to get a chance to 'wrap his mind' around school yet. In both cases we left in the late afternoon so the boys had a chance to get acquainted with their new floor mates that evening. Plus move in days were on Saturday and they didn't actually start classes til Monday or Tuesday so that gave them time to get settled in. But as Theresa said - if you really don't want her to come with you I think that's perfectly OK, too.

Now that I see that she's already crying every time he has to leave her for an evening I think I'd discourage it. When our youngest ds's gf came with us on move in day she, too, was still in high school - a sophomore. She cried when it was time for the families to leave and the guys on the floor were all getting ready for their first organized activity. It made it kind of awkward for all of us including Justin. Then she just moped on the whole 3 hour ride home. Don't get me wrong - she was a sweet girl, too, but young and angst-ridden. They lasted the first semester and that was that. They didn't break up by choice but that's a whole other story. I think even if her folks would have let the relationship continue it would have died a natural death; keep in mind it's very possible that your ds and his gf won't last long once he's off to school. Some long distance teen romances last but I think they're an exception. Good luck and keep us posted. See you over on the Parents of College Kids!
Pam
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Tue, 08-14-2012 - 12:01pm

I think in that kind of situation I would discourage her from coming.  You will feel sad about dropping your baby off to college (been there) and all you need is the crying GF in the back seat.  I was saved by having my younger son joking around.  It seems she is probably a clinging vine and afraid to have BF in college & that they will break up (which they probably will--I'm not saying that to be mean, but it's hard to maintain a relationship once they are apart and at different stages in life).

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
I just want to thank all of you for the replies. You have given me a lot to think about.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Arryl,
Thank you for the reply. I don't know her that well. From the times I have been around her she seems like a really sweet girl. My son has mentioned that she has cried the last few times when it was time for him to go home in the evening. :smileysad: I can only imagine that the actual day would be more difficult for her.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Hi Ashmama, Thank you for the reply. He said he understood where I was coming from and that he had tried to explain that to her but she still wanted to be there with him on move-in day.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003

Hi! Thank you for the reply. Yes, she is still in high schoo. She is a junior in high school.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2009

I come down on the side of letting the two teens do what they want to do.  And as a parent, I always enjoyed spending time with each of our daughter’s boyfriends—now SILs.  To me the opportunity to spend a few hours in a car with your sons GF would be fabulous because you can listen and learn vast amounts of information about her, him, and plans for the future and all of it without snooping.  But, that’s just me and it may not be what will work well for you and hubby.

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