Thanks for remembering! Yes, Sunday is the deadline - sigh - not sure whats happening to be honest. We have been feverishly for the past month (yes, a month) looking for a cheap used vehicle for him, something reliable and half decent, within our price range but we still havent found anything. I am so frustrated! I can't believe how hard this is. I took today off work to spend the day looking with DS but we still have come up empty.
Son in the meantime has been helping his friend deliver papers in the early morning hours. They play video games in the evening then do the papers at 3 in the morning. He gets paid some cash for this. He had promised me that he would submit his resume to the video store today - he had to be 18 to work there - well he turned 18 on Tuesday. We left early this morning around 9 am to car shop and just got home (3:00). He had been up without sleep since yesterday around 7 pm - his hours are screwed up - and when I mentioned on the way home to drop it off he said he was too tired and would do it later after he had some sleep because he didnt want to appear "out of it" if he had to talk to the manager. Of course that made me furious and I blew my cool and then he blew his and now he has stomped downstairs to his room to sleep.
I dont know. He has expressed to me over and over about all the stuff he wants to buy and is aware that he needs a job and money for this but yet I still see no action from him. He also told me that he needs the car to get back and forth to work. I told him in the interim until the car is found I will drive him back and forth. I really dont want to insure him on my new vehicle. I guess I'll wait until tonite when he wakes up to see what happens. I refuse to take him anywhere, even car shopping, until I see that resume at the video store or anywhere else for that matter.
I just keep thinking of all the time I've spent with him car shopping, nevermind the gas money etc. and he still seems to be playing me. I am so frustrated, angry and hurt right now. I just feel like I am doing and doing and doing for everyone not just son and I get nothing in return. I dont know. :(
Are you totally not finding anything appropriate carwise or is he vetoing everything?
With number one, DH and I tried to take him but ended up going the next day without him. He wasnt being fussy-quite the opposite. Since he was paying 1/2 he wanted the cheapest thing we could find even if it didnt have airbags(came in around 92/93)And I was adamant on the air bags!
Has he filled out applications before? Is he planning on picking them up or filling the out there?
You could get some index cards together with places to write reference information, his SSN, you know the drill. If he just picks the application up because he doesnt know how to fill it out at the store, you are asking for yet another delay(BTDT) So seeing that he has that stuff in hand will force his hand into applying at the store(or in your car in the parking lot)
The idea about reference cards with important information is a good one. My DD made a resume to take with her. Granted she didn't have much work experience to include but it did give her the names and addresses of her references and volunteer contacts. Plus it looked professional.
I also think the idea about just picking out a car for him may be the best way to go. At least that will get taken care of and your frustration level will drop some.
Actually, he isnt fussy about the car at all to be honest - just wants wheels. It's more us that are having trouble. We are on a budget and trying to find something reliable and in our price range has been such a challenge. Plus DS is a very big lad, almost 6'2 and as wide as he is tall so nothing compact or even a little bigger fits him. It is so frustrating.
The video store has basically said that they will hire him when he turned 18 and to just come in with his application; well 18 has come and gone and he still hasnt made the move. After today's antics I refuse to drive him anywhere, job hunt or otherwise, until he gets his application to them like he promised me. I just dont understand - he keeps telling me and shows me on the internet the things he wants to buy and reiterates over and over that he KNOWS he needs the job to do it but still doesnt make the move to get things going.
Like I said, I am frustrated, tired and fed up. DOesnt help that we are going thru a major heat wave right now - everyone is kind of cranky. I decided tonite that I am going away with my sister for the weekend to the mountains because if I dont get away I'm going to have a nervous breakdown. My daughter is away at camp so just DS and DH home anyway. Maybe by the time I get home on Sunday (D-DAY), the kid will have a game plan and/or has made some progess.
hang in there hon. I think that *you* are very clear about where this is going, even if your DS isn't, and you are on the right track. your DS obviously needs some more prodding and pushing to get him out there door- try (and i know its hard) to do this without getting angry....
You are lucky, in one sense, that there are things that he wants to buy and he knows that they cost money. My DS is still not at that point - he couldn't care less if he had nice clothing, or new shoes, or new anything, all he cares about buying is books - and he gets those for his birthday... i WISH that he would really WANT something so that might push him a little more.
hang in there, and huge hugs. we are all here for you.
I really like the index card idea - my 18dd used that. She jotted down the *key* info she needed for each application and used it everywhere. Then we created a resume-type form letter with all the info and she started handing that over with her apps. Everyone she saw was impressed by that, for what it's worth. I need to get 16dd in line with this plan now. Ugh.
tam, you're still on track with this plan. Are you still willing and able to make him leave as planned? Do you have a back up plan?
Listen, my 18dd used to (still does) show me stuff on line that she wants and drag me over to see it and then complain about not having the money to get it; she'd even try to create an angle where I should buy it for her! haha. Anyway, I created a standard response; I would say, "Yes, very nice" and walk away. I wouldn't discuss the item or how cute it was or how she would get it, nothing. I would simply acknowledge it and then walk away. No angry words, no screaming or ribbing about how she'd afford it, nothing. It cut down on my stress a lot and after a while, dd figured it out - I wasn't biting so she stopped. Now she buys her own stuff.
In regards to the car, since he's 18, he can have his own insurance, he doesn't need to be on yours. It's not any cheaper for him to be on your insurance. We recently were shopping for insurance for dd18 and the price is the same amount whether she is on ours or her own = sometimes cheaper for her to have her own policy! As far as the type of car, go ahead and buy the sh!tbox car - it's wheels and that's all he needs. Obviously, you don't want to buy something that has parts falling off, but something old and cheap that runs is fine for around town. The registration, tax and insurance will be cheap and at least he'd have wheels. It's only temporary anyway. Eventually, he will get his own car and buy it himself. You said you'd help him out and that's fine, but if he's not willing to do some of the work then I think you should only give your bare minimum.
Hugs - I know it's been really hard on you these past few months. I hope he gets himself to the video store today!
Hi
Thanks for remembering! Yes, Sunday is the deadline - sigh - not sure whats happening to be honest. We have been feverishly for the past month (yes, a month) looking for a cheap used vehicle for him, something reliable and half decent, within our price range but we still havent found anything. I am so frustrated! I can't believe how hard this is. I took today off work to spend the day looking with DS but we still have come up empty.
Son in the meantime has been helping his friend deliver papers in the early morning hours. They play video games in the evening then do the papers at 3 in the morning. He gets paid some cash for this. He had promised me that he would submit his resume to the video store today - he had to be 18 to work there - well he turned 18 on Tuesday. We left early this morning around 9 am to car shop and just got home (3:00). He had been up without sleep since yesterday around 7 pm - his hours are screwed up - and when I mentioned on the way home to drop it off he said he was too tired and would do it later after he had some sleep because he didnt want to appear "out of it" if he had to talk to the manager. Of course that made me furious and I blew my cool and then he blew his and now he has stomped downstairs to his room to sleep.
I dont know. He has expressed to me over and over about all the stuff he wants to buy and is aware that he needs a job and money for this but yet I still see no action from him. He also told me that he needs the car to get back and forth to work. I told him in the interim until the car is found I will drive him back and forth. I really dont want to insure him on my new vehicle. I guess I'll wait until tonite when he wakes up to see what happens. I refuse to take him anywhere, even car shopping, until I see that resume at the video store or anywhere else for that matter.
I just keep thinking of all the time I've spent with him car shopping, nevermind the gas money etc. and he still seems to be playing me. I am so frustrated, angry and hurt right now. I just feel like I am doing and doing and doing for everyone not just son and I get nothing in return. I dont know. :(
Sorry the deadline didnt 'inspire' him.
Are you totally not finding anything appropriate carwise or is he vetoing everything?
With number one, DH and I tried to take him but ended up going the next day without him. He wasnt being fussy-quite the opposite. Since he was paying 1/2 he wanted the cheapest thing we could find even if it didnt have airbags(came in around 92/93)And I was adamant on the air bags!
Has he filled out applications before? Is he planning on picking them up or filling the out there?
You could get some index cards together with places to write reference information, his SSN, you know the drill. If he just picks the application up because he doesnt know how to fill it out at the store, you are asking for yet another delay(BTDT) So seeing that he has that stuff in hand will force his hand into applying at the store(or in your car in the parking lot)
The idea about reference cards with important information is a good one. My DD made a resume to take with her. Granted she didn't have much work experience to include but it did give her the names and addresses of her references and volunteer contacts. Plus it looked professional.
I also think the idea about just picking out a car for him may be the best way to go. At least that will get taken care of and your frustration level will drop some.
Good luck!!
Actually, he isnt fussy about the car at all to be honest - just wants wheels. It's more us that are having trouble. We are on a budget and trying to find something reliable and in our price range has been such a challenge. Plus DS is a very big lad, almost 6'2 and as wide as he is tall so nothing compact or even a little bigger fits him. It is so frustrating.
The video store has basically said that they will hire him when he turned 18 and to just come in with his application; well 18 has come and gone and he still hasnt made the move. After today's antics I refuse to drive him anywhere, job hunt or otherwise, until he gets his application to them like he promised me. I just dont understand - he keeps telling me and shows me on the internet the things he wants to buy and reiterates over and over that he KNOWS he needs the job to do it but still doesnt make the move to get things going.
Like I said, I am frustrated, tired and fed up. DOesnt help that we are going thru a major heat wave right now - everyone is kind of cranky. I decided tonite that I am going away with my sister for the weekend to the mountains because if I dont get away I'm going to have a nervous breakdown. My daughter is away at camp so just DS and DH home anyway. Maybe by the time I get home on Sunday (D-DAY), the kid will have a game plan and/or has made some progess.
hang in there hon. I think that *you* are very clear about where this is going, even if your DS isn't, and you are on the right track. your DS obviously needs some more prodding and pushing to get him out there door- try (and i know its hard) to do this without getting angry....
You are lucky, in one sense, that there are things that he wants to buy and he knows that they cost money. My DS is still not at that point - he couldn't care less if he had nice clothing, or new shoes, or new anything, all he cares about buying is books - and he gets those for his birthday... i WISH that he would really WANT something so that might push him a little more.
hang in there, and huge hugs. we are all here for you.
I really like the index card idea - my 18dd used that. She jotted down the *key* info she needed for each application and used it everywhere. Then we created a resume-type form letter with all the info and she started handing that over with her apps. Everyone she saw was impressed by that, for what it's worth. I need to get 16dd in line with this plan now. Ugh.
tam, you're still on track with this plan. Are you still willing and able to make him leave as planned? Do you have a back up plan?
Listen, my 18dd used to (still does) show me stuff on line that she wants and drag me over to see it and then complain about not having the money to get it; she'd even try to create an angle where I should buy it for her! haha. Anyway, I created a standard response; I would say, "Yes, very nice" and walk away. I wouldn't discuss the item or how cute it was or how she would get it, nothing. I would simply acknowledge it and then walk away. No angry words, no screaming or ribbing about how she'd afford it, nothing. It cut down on my stress a lot and after a while, dd figured it out - I wasn't biting so she stopped. Now she buys her own stuff.
In regards to the car, since he's 18, he can have his own insurance, he doesn't need to be on yours. It's not any cheaper for him to be on your insurance. We recently were shopping for insurance for dd18 and the price is the same amount whether she is on ours or her own = sometimes cheaper for her to have her own policy! As far as the type of car, go ahead and buy the sh!tbox car - it's wheels and that's all he needs. Obviously, you don't want to buy something that has parts falling off, but something old and cheap that runs is fine for around town. The registration, tax and insurance will be cheap and at least he'd have wheels. It's only temporary anyway. Eventually, he will get his own car and buy it himself. You said you'd help him out and that's fine, but if he's not willing to do some of the work then I think you should only give your bare minimum.
Hugs - I know it's been really hard on you these past few months. I hope he gets himself to the video store today!