The teacher took her cel phone!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-30-2007
The teacher took her cel phone!
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Thu, 08-30-2007 - 1:00pm

Yes, she has been warned, no texting at school, no texting while driving. I will be checking! Don't know about the driving, but DD 16 had her cel phone confiscated this morning for texting in class. DH went to the school to retrieve the phone, and he is mad.

Now in the grand scheme of things, I know this is small potatoes. She is basically a good kid, and pretty responsible. She gets good grades, dances 3-4 evenings a week, and is working part time to pay for a spring break school trip to Paris and Italy. Her car is old (1981 Mercedes) and she drives about 25 minutes to a Performing Arts charter school, so she MUST have a phone. For my peace of mind, if nothing else.

My first reaction is to cancel the text messaging, and block it. Does that seem reasonable? The texting is new, but got quickly out of hand. I would say that before this summer and the PT job, she had very little social life. Her school is very small, the kids live all over the place, and there are very few boys. All of the sudden she is going out with boys, and they all seem to communicate exclusively by text. I am glad she is going out, I think she needs some practice with it before college! And I can't believe that if they can't reach her by text, they won't call.

So, my question. Is cancelling texting an overreaction to one phone confiscation? Her Dad is livid, so I'm sure some scolding will be involved. He wants to take the phone away completely, but we need a compromise here.

She is supposed to go bowling with a group tonight, and is meeting a boy for a movie on Sunday. She can't go out without her phone, my rules.

As you can tell, I am not experienced at this! She is my only child, and has been very little trouble up to now.

Diana

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2006
Thu, 08-30-2007 - 1:07pm

My DH cancelled all text messaging on our phones, but that does seem to be the way teens prefer to communicate in todays' world.

If your DD keeps her phone turned off during school hours (which it really should be) she will still get her messages and can respond to them once the final bell has rung. Keeping it turned off will solve this issue and she can turn it back on once school is out. That's what both my kids do.

 

 

 

Avatar for coldfingers
Community Leader
Registered: 04-30-2000
Thu, 08-30-2007 - 1:23pm

First I have to say that it does NOT make sense to me but kids will text who will NOT call!!!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-30-2007
Thu, 08-30-2007 - 1:30pm

I think part of it is her impulsivity, she does have ADD. And she doesn't take medication, she is supposed to be learning to deal with it. Yes, she absolutely knows she isn't supposed to use it at school, but she did anyway. And she probably will again! I'm thinking she will take my phone this week, I don't have texting. She needs to get in the habit of turning it off and leaving it in the car while at school, dance, work, etc. Then we check the bills and see if she is texting anymore when she isn't supposed to be.

Maybe second offense, she loses texting? I don't know the school's position on this, I don't want her to get a suspension! Guess I'd better find out.

Sort of agreeing on no outing tonight. I hate for her to miss it, but that's the breaks.

Avatar for coldfingers
Community Leader
Registered: 04-30-2000
Thu, 08-30-2007 - 1:45pm

When we took dd's cell phone, when she HAD to go somewhere she took

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Avatar for mjaye2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 08-30-2007 - 1:52pm

I wouldn't cancel texting for her 1st screw-up. Yes, she knew better, but sometimes kids just think they won't be caught and do it until they do. I would lecture her on the dos and dont's of cell phone use (I know, you've already done this a bazillion times, but with some kiddos, you can never do it enough, it seems). Unless she really, really needs it, I would just keep her cell from her for a day or two. If, she HAS to have it (to keep in touch with you during that time) then you might issue some other form of consequence, but I wouldn't cancel the texting altogether. You and Dad need to decide before hand what concequences there will be IF she does it again, then let her know. Does she drive to school? My ds16 is *required* to leave his cell in his truck during school hours. Not saying that he *does*, just that he is suppose to. :) If it gets confiscated at school, it costs $20 to get it out of the principal's office. I paid once last year to get it out (ds16 wasn't driving then, and forgot to leave it in his locker ~eye roll~). This year, if it gets taken up, HE has to come up with the 20 to get it out of hock.

We dont' have texting on our phones, although ds16 begs for it daily. Our phone bill is already sky-high and I refuse to add more to it by adding on texting. :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-30-2007
Thu, 08-30-2007 - 1:54pm

Hmm, we don't have one of those, sounds like it could come in handy.

I just told my husband my plan, he likes it. He asked what I would do when a text comes in on her phone, I said I'll answer it! That should strike some fear in her heart.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2003
Thu, 08-30-2007 - 2:07pm

Today's teens need their cell phones because, as you say, they are mobile, driving, spread out in various locations etc and personally I feel better knowing my dd has her cell with her. Lots of times I too have left her text messages because I know she can't pick up the phone during class and its a way for me to ensure she gets the message as opposed to a voice message (texting is far more reliable than voice).

That said, yes, text messaging costs do add up. So how about you set a budget with your dd and if she goes over the limit of whatever is on the cell phone plan, she pays for it. The more she pays the less money is available for her spring break trip and tell her you won't make up the difference.

And absolutely she shouldn't be looking at her messages during class. But seriously, its the equivalent of passing notes in class when we were young. We weren't allowed to do that either but we did and when we did we got in trouble. Nobody took our pens and paper away because we were passing notes!!! So why should the phone be confiscated! I think, honestly, schools need to stop overreacting on this issue. You catch them texting you do what they did when we were young -- put them in the very front row in front of the teacher and watch them ...

Anyway don't take her phone away -- that's just not feasible in these days -- but I'd say limit the usage and have her pay for the diff....

Avatar for bookwormmom
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-22-2003
Thu, 08-30-2007 - 2:15pm

My kids pay for their own phones, so I would not take it away as freely. But we do at times, as far as IMing in school, that is a no no. I wouldn't take it away for the first offense, but I would give her a warning. Come up with a plan of consequences if it happens again and then stick to it.
Our school does take phones away too. I don't know what happens though as far as getting them back, I think the teacher just keeps it until the end of the day. I don't know about multiple offences though. Hard to believe that schools are allowed to charge $20 to get it back.

Good luck, hopefully she won't end up with out a phone.
Kristie

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Avatar for mjaye2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 08-30-2007 - 2:19pm

> > But seriously, its the equivalent of passing notes in class when we were young. We weren't allowed to do that either but we did and when we did we got in trouble. Nobody took our pens and paper away because we were passing notes!!! So why should the phone be confiscated! I think, honestly, schools need to stop overreacting on this issue. You catch them texting you do what they did when we were young -- put them in the very front row in front of the teacher and watch them ... < <

I had not thought of it in this way, but you are absolutely right. :) It IS quite a bit the same, and no we *didn't* get our pens and papers taken up. Yes, there needs to be *some* form of consequences, but perhaps the fact that DAD has to go pick up the phone and then the ensuing lecture on texting could suffice. It reminds me of when the boys were younger and would get in trouble over something minor, the "consequence* was having to sit with me at the kitchen table for an hour while I lectured. I never really thought about it until one time ds1 came home, saw ds2 and I at the kitchen table and just avoided us. He told me later that sitting at the table with me and listening to what I was saying was the *worst* punsishment in the world. LOL I never thought of it as "punishment" but I guess it did the trick. Perhaps something of that nature would work.

Avatar for mjaye2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 08-30-2007 - 2:26pm

> > Hard to believe that schools are allowed to charge $20 to get it back. < <

Yeah, tell me about it. I nearly died when they told me I had to PAY to get it back. I was already frustrated with ds that I had to be late to work in order to pick up his phone from school, and then they tell me it's twenty dollars for every time it gets taken up. :o Then I *really* got ticked. Of course, I had to walk back out to my truck to get my check book, write out the stupid check and then pick up the phone. Oh, the other alternative to paying the 20 bucks, is to leave it in the school's possession until school is out--for the summer! I don't know, perhaps if it is taken up during the fall semester, then you can get it back for free when school breaks for Christmas. Also, when ds1 was in school, you could pick the phone up any time after hours. Now, you have to go during school hours (8:00am to 3:30pm) so for a working parent, you get a double-whammy if you are paid hourly.




Edited 8/30/2007 2:30 pm ET by mjaye2002

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