Teen affecting relationship
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Teen affecting relationship
| Wed, 01-09-2008 - 12:38pm |
I have been dating my boyfriend for am little over two years now, he has a 19 year old and 14 year old , the 14 year old is spoiled , disrecpecful and manipulative. I thought I could deal with it at first, but now its really getting to me. I mean, to see how the kid just gets away with everything and anything. The father will say no at first to what ever it is hes trying to get , but then he ' ll give in. Let me give you a perfect example. When we are going out in the car the kid will find a way to convince his father to let him sit in the front and he (the father or I ) will sit in the back

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i have a blended family, my step son is 20 and my daughter is 19. then we have 3 of our own. it is very hard, my step son had a hard time when we all finally moved in togeather, kayla not so bad because she had abby, but being with one parent for so long and then having another person in there parents life is tuff. single parents have a way of treating there teen as a friend, confidont and buddy. then all of a sudden you get another adult and they feel threaten.
shannon
I kind of have to disagree w/ you on this--the OP is dad's girlfriend, but she isn't "family" to these boys.
I have kind of gone backwards here, responding to some other people before you.
Have you said to the dad (your BF), "when we go out as a group, I would really like to sit in the front seat w/ you since we are the adults and have the kids sit in the back>"
Just throwing out some random thoughts on this interesting thread, as H and I have experienced the step-family first hand.
Bottom Line: If both the OP and BF want to have a successful relationship, wherein it progresses along the usual path of cohabitation and/or marriage, then as the 'authoritive figures' in ALL of the children's lives, they have to be on the same page. Clear and concise rules and expectations must be listed out so that there are no gray areas. The OP's position in the family must also be clearly spelled out so there are no misconceptions about her role in the family (as an authoritative figure).
Based on the OP's original post, it does not seem like the BF is ready to allow her to move into that spot, to be in the role of co-parent.
I am remarried and
I don't have any first hand experience with step-parenting or blended families, but one thing does come to mind....
In the OP, it sounds like this is a relationship of some length, but not what level of a committment they're at. Are they living together? Engaged? Just waiting to see what develops?
Ladies, you have voiced many of comments I would on the OP's situation.
I would also add, as a short-term survivor of a blended family, it is very difficult to blend two families with kids of the same age bracket. For example, the 14 year old may be the oldest or only child in "his family". Now, he has to suddenly get use to being the "youngest". Not very easy and lot to expect for a child to adjust to, especially if he feels he is getting nothing in return.
If he also always sat in front with his Dad, being able to use that time to connect with his Dad, having to now to sit in the back may have a significance to the child more than she thinks. It could be the one time he could "talk" to his Dad. He is now been relegated to the back seat; second best and no longer important in his eyes. Some woman, not his mother, now has his father's attention. A bit of understanding would go a long way to solve this problem.
As others have posted,adults should only have "adult conversation" in private. It is too much to expect for a 14-year-old to sit silently when an interesting discussion is going on in front of them. The OP should not be so "hard". She may learn something about the boy and his father. And if she accords the 14-year-old a degree of respect, she will be surprised how much more respect will be return to her. For, 14-year-olds are not stupid. They have opinions and many see the world in a clearer view than some adults. Also, families talk together. They share opinions and views. This is how kids learn their parents' values. This is how kids learn about the world. Of course, this depends on the subject discussed. Buy my rule don't discuss something in public you don't want the public
to know.
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