Teen affecting relationship

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2001
Teen affecting relationship
42
Wed, 01-09-2008 - 12:38pm

I have been dating my boyfriend for am little over two years now, he has a 19 year old and 14 year old , the 14 year old is spoiled , disrecpecful and manipulative. I thought I could deal with it at first, but now its really getting to me. I mean, to see how the kid just gets away with everything and anything. The father will say no at first to what ever it is hes trying to get , but then he ' ll give in. Let me give you a perfect example. When we are going out in the car the kid will find a way to convince his father to let him sit in the front and he (the father or I ) will sit in the back

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2002
Wed, 01-16-2008 - 11:21am

You know, I have to admire anyone who takes the plunge into step-parenting and really gives it their all. Its difficult enough raising your own kids. I've never done it, and likely never will. But I do have some experience. My mother died when I was 6 months old, I never knew her. From what I'm told, she was wonderful...loving, talented, active in the PTA, etc. ( I had a brother who was 5 and a sister who was 7 at the time) My dad completely lost it..his drinking was out of control, we had one bad nanny after another. At one point he attempted suicide...that is when my grandmother gave up her job and apt. in NYC and came to live with us...she was probably the best thing in my life, ever. But as it happens, my dad met a widow....she had 3 of her own. her son @ the same age as my brother, her DD @ the same age as my sister, and an older boy. They fell in love and married when I was 4...sold their homes and bought a big house out on LI. Of course all of this left my grandmother out in the cold to start her life over at, what, 60-something...


Anyway, all I can say about my stepmother is she did her job.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Wed, 01-16-2008 - 11:47am

Wow, if all this is going on, then I have to agree w/ you that dad is really messing up as a parent.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Wed, 01-16-2008 - 11:49am
I think this is the saddest story that I have ever heard.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2002
Wed, 01-16-2008 - 12:06pm

Now that can't really be the saddest story you have ever heard, not by a longshot, but thanks for the sentiment all the same. I might add that my stepmother had breast cancer. She spent her final weeks in hospital, suffering...guess who was there, every single day? You got it, I was...the others came sporadically. They had school or families, whatever, I did not. I did come from where I lived 4 hours away to stay. My dad towards the end could not bear to watch, to lose a second wife. Some days he did not come at all but instead went to the bars...but, I did get to make my peace with her...she was grateful I was there and I forgave all the past. Forgetting, that's harder. But its all good, because I know now to tell my kids I love them every day. I spend time with them, even if it's just lying on the couch watching American Idol!!! I teach them how to cook and clean and to be compassionate and individual and to have a sense of humor. And no matter how hard my life becomes, I am know that I am truly blessed.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2001
Wed, 01-16-2008 - 12:27pm

WOW. I respect and admire you for not remarrying again, but think one day your kids will go and you will be by your self.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Wed, 01-16-2008 - 12:55pm
I would say that some people might have a problem w/ going on vacation w/ their kids and sleeping together when they aren't married.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2001
Wed, 01-16-2008 - 1:21pm

Ever since his mom past away 3 years ago he started sleeping with his dad , and thats how its benn since. I tell him its time for him to sleep alone that he is at an age where he needs his privacy and he tells me that it cant happen over night that it

Avatar for mjaye2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 01-16-2008 - 1:22pm
Yes, one day they will be gone...one is already out and the other is a soph in hs, so it won't be long before I am all by myself.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2001
Wed, 01-16-2008 - 1:32pm

There ya go!


iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2004
Wed, 01-16-2008 - 2:06pm


Respect is a over-used and misunderstood term in this generation. This DRIVES ME NUTS! People are not OWNED respect. They earn it by their actions and words.
Look the definition up in the dictionary...

It is...
A feeling of appreciative, often deferential regard; esteem. See Synonyms at regard.
2. The state of being regarded with honor or esteem.
3. Willingness to show consideration or appreciation.
4. respects Polite expressions of consideration or deference: pay one's respects.

Adults are not owed respect JUST because they are adults. Where did that notion come from.. They are not OWED respect just because they are dating someone`s father or mother or whatever... You can not force anyone to regard anyone with esteem. If you demand it, it is a `fool`s gold`. worth nothing.

We are all however owed common curtsey and consideration. Everyone is...parents,kids, the mailman, the lady down the street. We are suppose to be polite; to treat others as we would like to be treated. We, as caregivers, are owed obedience of our reasonable rules. But in actually obedience should be automatic. It flows from our `earned respect`. That respect has been earned over all the years we have been putting the interests of our children foremost; over all the years we have taken into account the wishes of our children and then decided what is in their best interests.

Kids learn politeness from their parents. They learn by example more than by words. If this boy lacks that social grace, the father and his mother have not set good enough examples. The one lesson I have learned over the years is that our kids are a reflection of us, their parents. They are our mirrors.