Teen Bedtime Issues

Avatar for jupiterfit
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-12-2003
Teen Bedtime Issues
24
Thu, 08-17-2006 - 8:49am
My DD (17) has been routinely staying up until 1:30-2:00. There was one night she stayed up until 4:00 playing a video game with another kid (he lives with us now). We did talk to them both about this the next day and said that was just too late. DH and I go to bed around 10:30, but sometimes I wake up around 12 or 1. Last night it was 1:30; I went down to tell her to go to bed. She continued to chat on Yahoo and just said "I will!" Well, 10 minutes later she was still doing the same thing. I again told her to go to bed and she snapped me to leave her alone, she was fine and that she always stays up this late! I reminded her that she has a 10:00 a.m. doctor appt, has to pack for a week long Florida trip, has swim practice 3-5:30, then works 6-11. Her room is in the basement... she went down to her room and turned on the TV and was texting friends on her cell phone. At 2:30, she came back upstairs and was walking around again. Needless to say, I didn't get much sleep because I was concerned and frankly a little ticked-off because she tends to always do things HER way even if it affects her negatively. I have been trying to get her up by 9:30 a.m. in an effort to put an end to these late nights... but she stays in her bed and it takes a good 45 minutes and about 10 attempts at waking her to actually get her out of the bed and standing. This is just NOT enough sleep for her. When she was little, sleep was very important to her. She always got about 10 hours a night, so I know her body's needs as far as sleep goes.
This whole year is going to be an experiment. She plans to go to college in a year, but I am not so sure she can handle it. First off... she is young for her class... she JUST turned 17. She has ADD and has a history of making poor decisions and not thinking things through. I mentioned to her that she COULD go to the University that is 45 minutes away next year and take just a couple of classes and work full-time before going to college full-time. My gut feeling is just that she isn't ready to handle getting enough sleep to attend classes, staying on top of the homework, and the partying lifestyle of college. Of course, there is "though love" and I have had thoughts of just letting her figure it out and sending her off. That could be expensive though.
Regarding the night time habits... we could have her turn her phone in to us at a certain time... but what will she do next year? I wish the computer would turn off at certain time at night. She loves Yahoo and Myspace way too much! Her brother (15) has regular routines for himself; he chooses 12 midnight for his bedtime every night. This seems fine... because it is sort of structured. He figures out how much sleep he needs, goes to bed at midnight and then gets up around 9-9:30 on his own. Whereas, DD just sort of allows things to drag on and doesn't think about her needs.
What do you all think about this?
Deb
Debbie

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2006
Thu, 08-17-2006 - 9:26am

Hi Deb,

I don't really know how to help you out here, so I will just relay how I am handling it. Up until the beginning of this past summer, both of my kids had regular "lights out" bedtimes - ds (11) at 9:00pm and dd (14) at 9:30pm. Because neither one liked this, we talked it over after school got out this past spring, and I explained that I was concerned that they get enough sleep (to refresh their bodies and so they could get up on time the next day). We ended up agreeing that if they could get up in the morning by themselves, then they could stay up as long as they wanted. However, they had to be in their rooms by 10:00pm and they had to be quiet (because I needed my quiet time in the evenings before I went to bed). Our house rule has always been that we do not make or receive phone calls after 9:30pm because this is family time. My dd's internet connection automatically cuts off at 9:30 pm because of the parental controls I have on my computer. My ds does not have internet on his computer and so far has not expressed an interest in having it. The other part of our agreement is that if I have to wake them up in the morning, then that night they have to be in bed with lights out by 9:30pm. So far, this has worked for us. I get quiet time in the evening (I usually go to bed somewhere between 10pm and 12midnight) and both kids have been getting up in the morning at appropriate times, depending on what is going on that day. This way, they have a little control over their own bedtimes and they understand why I have the parameters that I do.

Amelia

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-31-2003
Thu, 08-17-2006 - 9:45am
My son is 18 now and out of school so he basically does his own thing now but prior to that I was setting bedtime hours for him until about age 15. He was a nightowl and always had a hard time falling asleep AND getting up. My 13 year old daughter has been having sleep issues of late but more because of anxiety (she was in counselling). Basically it got to the point where I said to both of them you can stay up as late as you want as long as #1, you always are able to get up in the morning and school work doesnt suffer and #2, you dont wake me up because if you do, that privilege will be history. It worked off and on with my son - he's always had a hard time getting up - but so far works well with my daughter - she gets up for school and is still an honour student. To be honest, I just got tired of the policing and when I have to be up at 6 in the morning, it got to be too stressful as I needed my sleep.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Thu, 08-17-2006 - 12:35pm
part of the problem is the teenage "bio clock" shift; lots of research has shown that they really CAN'T get to sleep much earlier. In fact, there is a big push where I live to adjust school shedules - having it start much later in the day! I've noticed with my 13 year old daughter that she is staying up later and later during the summer hours. Since we're on vacation - I've been letting her sleep in late - don't know what I'll do when school starts again. The bottom line is that you can make them "go to bed" but you can't make them "go to sleep"! It's even worse with my 15 year old foster son - in addition to the biology, he also has pretty severe anxiety, and so if we try to force him to go to bed, he just lays there getting himself more and more worked up. I'm NOT sure I'm doing hte right thing with him! Morgan has to be in her room by 10:00 - no electronics of any kind, but she can read, draw, or sew. A. has his own TV and playstation and uses them late at night - and the only restriction is that they be quiet enough that we can't hear them. I'd prefer he have the same rule as her -but it's hard to backtrack after allowing it - and hard to monitor if I'm in bed and asleep myself!
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2006
Thu, 08-17-2006 - 2:51pm

Coincidently, a small article in today's (local) newspaper had this to say about sleeping:

Children need about nine hours of sleep — and adolescents, 8½ — to be ready for school each day, says a pediatrician at the University of Florida.

Not getting enough sleep can significantly affect kids’ concentration, memory and mood, said Dr. Anne-Marie Slinger, an assistant professor of pediatrics in the UF College of Medicine. Also, she said, it’s hard for students to be alert if rushing around in the morning prevents them from getting a good breakfast.

Here’s some advice from Slinger and Kyla Wahlstrom, with the Center for Applied Research and Educational Improvement at the University of Minnesota:

• Talk to kids about the need to shift to a different schedule when school starts.

• Don’t be fooled by teens’ tendency to talk on the phone and play computer games late into the night. Research shows that teens are wired to fall asleep at 11 p.m. and wake up around 8 a.m.

• Establish consistent bedtime routines to help children get to bed — for example, take a bath, brush teeth, listen to a story.

• Cut off teens’ telephone and computer time at 10 p.m.

• Don’t let children have televisions in their bedrooms.

• Rather than TV or video games before bedtime, it’s preferable for kids to read, listen to music or listen to a book on tape.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-18-2005
Thu, 08-17-2006 - 3:04pm

This is one of those "learn from your own mistakes" situations IMHO. If she can stay up 'til 1:30 and get up for what she needs to do and is reasonably pleasant (not grumpy/sleepy), then I think it's up to her. You said this year is a test for if she's ready for college and I agree. She needs to learn how to manage the temptations of college life, and getting by with little sleep (or learning to go to bed earlier) is one of them. My DD15 went to a summer pre-college thing for two weeks this year, and getting sleep was her hardest challenge - so much fun happens after 11:30 LOL - and I'm glad she got a glimpse of this.

At 17 your DD needs to depend on you less and depend on herself more.

Sue

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-05-2004
Thu, 08-17-2006 - 3:26pm

I've always had some pretty nasty sleep problems (edited to add: I'm ADD as well)... In high school, I generally wouldn't get to bed until 1:00 or 2:00 a.m., and had to get up at 6:00 a.m. I did this for the entire four years. No matter how tired I was, I simply couldn't fall asleep earlier than this (granted, my parents allowed me to sleep in however late I wanted on the weekends). Now that I work nights on the weekends (and don't get to bed on Friday and Saturday until 5:00 or 6:00 a.m.), it's even more difficult to get on a healthy schedule. However, it's gotten

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-05-2004
Thu, 08-17-2006 - 3:32pm

To add:


Jupiterfit, you say that your DD is ADD... is she on any medication for her ADD? I ask because one side effect of stimulant therapy is insomnia (regardless if you take the meds early enough in the day).

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-05-2004
Thu, 08-17-2006 - 3:42pm

>>Don’t be fooled by teens’ tendency to talk on the phone and play computer games late into the night. Research shows that teens are wired to fall asleep at 11 p.m. and wake up around 8 a.m.<<


However, just because most teens are wired to fall asleep at 11:00 p.m. doesn't mean that all are. The OP's DD might just be an oddball, or some sort of sleep disorder might be to blame. Also, if she's ADD, her medication might be causing her to have sleep problems as well -- or her ADD itself might be causing it (especially since there's a high incidence of anxiety among people who suffer from ADD).

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-05-2004
Thu, 08-17-2006 - 4:02pm

>>My gut feeling is just that she isn't ready to handle getting enough sleep to attend classes, staying on top of the homework, and the partying lifestyle of college.<<


I hate to say it, but most kids don't handle these things well, especially during their first year. There have been countless nights that I have gone to class with no

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999
Thu, 08-17-2006 - 5:30pm

I'm with you Sue, this last year of high school should be a dry run of the self-sufficiency needed in college.

Pages