Teen boy and peer group - need advice

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-07-2010
Teen boy and peer group - need advice
Tue, 09-07-2010 - 4:59am
My ds is 14 and had been pretty well adjusted up until this summer. A couple of things happened which led to his being rejected by his core group of friends. The rejection stemmed from one of our neighbors/ds' friend (also 14 year old boy) who broke up with his girlfriend (she actually broke up with him). My son was helping him through this difficult time, but at the same time the girlfriend was reaching out to my son. From reading his texts to/from the girl, my son was telling her how upset his friend was about the break-up, but I'm not sure what
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2005
Tue, 09-07-2010 - 6:53am

Peer groups change.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999
Tue, 09-07-2010 - 7:31am
I think all of my kids went through friend transitions at about the time they started high school, left some friends behind and found new ones. It's pretty normal for this to happen as kids get different interests and try out different activities. If it weren't this, it would be something else. Just keep him busy and involved and he'll be fine.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2008
Tue, 09-07-2010 - 10:58am

I don't have boys but I think this kind of thing is fairly universal. All of my girls had to deal with changing groups of friends at different times, often for similar reasons.

This may give him a real opportunity to shine as an individual. Starting High School in an already established "clique" can hamper the chances of forming new friendships and interests in favor of the comfortable group.

It's also a great learning experience as in "What is real friendship to YOU". I'm sure we've all been uncomfortable as adults when "couples" split up and sometimes want us to take sides.

I hope all these kids that you've known for so long will still be friendly and say hello to you as they get older. If you are friendly with the parents, remember to lead by example, what the kids do shouldn't put a wedge between you and the other parents at school nights and the like.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Tue, 09-07-2010 - 11:49am
My DD had a similar kind of thing happen at the end of 9th grade where she had an argument w/ one girl (both of them had strong personalities) and then the whole group chose to side w/ that girl over my DD. She had a couple of other friends, but it definitely put a damper on her social life--plus she couldn't totally avoid these girls since some of them were on the track team w/ her. But she did get over it and ended up being friends w/ some of those other girls again. I do think if this is ever going to happen, the beginning of high school is a good time because maybe there are more students than he knew in middle school & he can use this opportunity to make new friends. Plus it all might blow over in a couple of weeks, you never know.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-07-2010
Wed, 09-08-2010 - 8:20am

This is my first time posting on this board and I want to thank you all for your responses. You made me realize how normal this situation is and I will look at it from the standpoint of the opportunity it offers to my ds. My ds has other friends and his social life is still active. He is adjusting to life without the old group which could be a good thing. My ds has told me the old group of friends are still nice to him

Community Leader
Registered: 06-27-2006
Wed, 09-08-2010 - 10:17am
Hi and welcome! I'm glad you found us. The ladies here always have wonderful advice and warm words. I hope you will visit often.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2005
Wed, 09-08-2010 - 11:37am

My ds has told me the old group of friends are still nice to him

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Sat, 09-11-2010 - 8:46am
In my experience it was very normal for the boys' friends to change. When they were kids their friends consisted mostly of other kids in the neighborhood. As they got to middle school their circle expanded a bit - by that time there were kind of the 'sports kids' and the 'non-sports kids'. Once they got to high school and really started finding activities, interests, etc. they started hanging with other kids with the same interests.

Avatar for scoutnut
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-06-2010
Sun, 09-12-2010 - 3:02pm

I would not worry about it very much. As others have said this is pretty normal.

It could be that the friend is upset because he sees your ds's friendship with the girl who dumped him as a betrayal of sorts. It will get better eventually.

My ds has know his best buddy, who lives two doors down, since 2nd grade. They would go back and forth between being good friends and not speaking to each other every few months. I think there was even an entire year they did not speak. They became close again in Middle School, and have stayed that way.

Just give your son encouragement to spread his wings, but not to give up on his old friendship.