teen cursing,flip manner, ingratitude
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| Sat, 09-01-2007 - 11:58pm |
I guess I'm in a questioning mood tonight. But my 13 year old said hell casually at the dinner table. I try to not make a big fuss out of phrases like--that sucks or that freaking (which she rarely ever said). They also say pissed and pee. I say go to the ladies room. I don't talk this way. It's crude in my opinion.
My 13 yr old is a really good kid--high honor roll, kind to the disabled, caring about holcaust victims (she wrote a poem and won a contest on this and we are not Jewish and have never discussed it). She is not in to boys, drugs, drinking or smoking. But she is flippant and uses vulgar words that I mentioned above. Basically, it's pissed, that sucks, and now hell. Freaking is a rariety!!!! I've never heard anything else. She did say I am not going to take any crap from anyone. This chip I think she picked up from a woman who works for me who is extremely capable but has too tough of a personality, too rough, with a chip on her shoulder. She uses vinegar instead of honey and I'll always saying to my 13 yr old--dip your head in the honey pot. She used to look up to me
Now, I feel like enemy number one. Either I am really a terrible person--although I try constantly to be nice and understanding to them. But I feel my 13 yr old mostly and my 15 yr old dd blame me for all. Their father lets them do anything. He's just hands off. The counselor said I am the single parent. My kids will say dad pays the bills not you. You're the one that calls the shots so we're asking you because you're the one
who really decides. I'm the one paying attention. They blame everything on me. They doin't appreciate a thing I do for them. I feel like the odd kid out trying to fit in with my own kids --I really don't feel relaxed as I do with good friends and my extended family from birth who adores me. I don't really feel loved by my dds. I'm committed to them, would give my life for them and will always be here for them. But while a friend would appreciate devotion. My kids never think I do anything nice for them. If I down load two hundred dresses becuz my daughter needs a dress for a party--she won't thank me or say oh that's nice. Instead, she'll shrug I don't like any of those or I saw them all. Oh, my goodness--what did you did.
But getting back to the cursing. I want to hear what's realy going down with my kids so I give them latitude to talk the way they feel in front of me to a point--otherwise I won't know how they really talk behind my back.. I tell them it isn't right and they shouldn't do it. But if I don't let them pop out their natural thoughts I am going to get a phony picture. So, I chastise them and explain why they shouldn't do it, but I don't ground them for saying hell or something sucks or I have to pee, although I tell them that is vulgar. Anyway, do any of your kids talk this way. Do you feel unappreciated? Do you feel your kids look up to you? thanks.

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Last night, DD challenged me to a game of monopoly and jokingly said she was going to "kick my ass." Maybe I'm nuts, but it was cute.
I think it's far more important to emphasize actions and attitudes over words.
>>I want to hear what's realy going down with my kids so I give them latitude to talk the way they feel in front of me to a point--otherwise I won't know how they really talk behind my back.. I tell them it isn't right and they shouldn't do it. But if I don't let them pop out their natural thoughts I am going to get a phony picture.<<
I want to hear what my son is really thinking too. I don't think it is unreasonable for him to respect me while doing so. I find such language offensive and I will not tolerate it being spoken in my home by anyone. You can say the same things using termanology that is decent and respectful. I get a very real picture of what is on my son's mind, and I don't have to listen to the crude langauge.
It's a matter of respect. Respect not only for me, but also for himself. I have always told him that his is attitude and language is a reflection on him as a person. How he conducts himself is what is seen by the outside world. You can be a great kid on the inside, but if you don't show dignity and self respect on the outside, people won't bother to get to know the real you.
>>So, I chastise them and explain why they shouldn't do it, but I don't ground them for saying hell or something sucks or I have to pee, although I tell them that is vulgar.<<
In my home my son would be asked to remove himself from my presense for speaking in such a way. I don't wish to hear it and I have a right not to be exposed to vulgar language in my own home. He is free to rejoin the family at such a time as he wishes to rephrase his statements and appologize for being so inconsiderate and disrespectful.
>>Anyway, do any of your kids talk this way.<<
Not often. We are more likely to deal with him joking around and an immature attitude. Which we also do not permit. We are his parents, not his friends and he needs to remember his place in reguards to how he conducts himself around adults. While it's not vulgar, he can get carried away and I find the juvenile attitude annoying.
>> Do you feel unappreciated?<<
Only when I make the mistake of spoiling him, which is rare (maybe once year I'll do something like that) and then I regret it later, until the next time I forget what he gets like and I do it again. It doesn't take much for him to get that spoiled attitude either. Could be as simple as allowing him to pick something he doesn't truly need from his favorite store.
For everyday ordinary stuff he's very appreciative.
>>Do you feel your kids look up to you?<<
I know he does. Even when dh and I are discussing a problem, behavior or attitude with him , we can see that we have his full and undivided attention. He makes good eye contact, stops what he's doing, asks intellagent and thoughtfull questions, and responds to our questions with good solid answers. He also comes to us for advice and asks us for help when he's feeling stressed, overwhelmed or concerned about something.
stacy
At 13
"As for the language, how I respond is determined more by how they're using the words rather than the actual words. "I'm going to kick your ass" spoken jokingly in a challenge when starting monopoly is a whole different thing from saying "I'm going to kick her ass" when spoken in anger about a peer. There are a few things I never let slide though - the F bomb, and crude body part expressions. I don't make a big deal about it, just quietly tell them to watch their language, I don't like that kind of language and it makes them sound vulgar."
I totally agree with your entire paragraph. I am very much still DS's mother (and a relatively strict one), but it is great being his "friend" occasionally. He knows he can "cuss" within reason when it's just him and me; would never let anything slip around his younger brother. He is very respectful around other adults also. I think it's kind of a right to passage and okay if used appropriately.
I think it's also important for kids to learn that what is ok in some situations is absolutely NOT ok in others.
"I think it's also important for kids to learn that what is ok in some situations is absolutely NOT ok in others."
I agree with this :) You know that my whole life I never heard my father use a cuss word. When he was mad or hurt his finger hammering etc. He use words like "ah nuts" or "rats" I often commented on this to others. Finally one day DH told me that my father is a gentlemans gentleman and that Yes he does cuss, just only in the presence of other men. DH actually said, believe me, if you could hear him in the lockerroom telling jokes after golf....you'ld be suprized LOL :) Both my fahter and DH are former Marines also :)
Julie
"Both my fahter and DH are former Marines also "
Aaaahhh, Julie, have they taught you nothing?? There are no former Marines, "once a Marine, always a Marine." ROTFLOL
"Aaaahhh, Julie, have they taught you nothing?? There are no former Marines, "once a Marine, always a Marine."
Oh yes, that is why I used "former"....they told me I couldn't say ex-marine...that only you could say "retired" or "former" Both of them only served 5 yrs so they say "former" LOL But yes...Once a Marine always a Marine....the inside of my wedding band says Semper Fi *grin*
Julie
Must be who you talk to - the "no longer actively serving" Marines I know consider themselves "ex-rank, USMC."
Tell your DH I love the Semper Fi in the wedding band, not only for the USMC connection, but for what it REALLY means.
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