teen daughter with boy in room

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-14-2004
teen daughter with boy in room
14
Tue, 09-11-2007 - 6:03pm
Hi, I haven't been on here for awhile. Things were going ok for a while. But there is always something with teens!!. I caught my 14 year old daughter with a boy she snuck in her room last night!!!!!!I am so shocked that I don't even know how to punish her. I need some advice and suggestions please. I am so worried about her that she is so obsessed with this boy and he treats her like crap. Help me somebody.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2007
Tue, 09-11-2007 - 6:46pm

What time of the night did you discover them in the room together? What was going on when you found them? Did you even know that he was in the house?

I wouldn't approve of my DD having a boy in her room either--even if he didn't treat her like crap, and even if it was all completely innocent.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-14-2004
Tue, 09-11-2007 - 7:26pm
She snuck him in her window!! Around 9:30. My husband caught him going in the window so they were not in there long. My daughter just got hysterical and wanted to run after this boy saying she loves him.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2003
Tue, 09-11-2007 - 7:37pm

Oh my goodness I'm sorry but my H would probably throw that boy out the window and kick his butt all the way to his house if that happened around here. Seriously.

You need to have a serious talk with your dd and not so much about how she's "obsessed with this boy" because that will just put her totally on the defensive and she won't listen any further.

Lay down the ground rules -- no boys in her room, no SNEAKING boys in her room or sneaking out with boys, no sex, no phone after certain hours etc etc etc. And tell her if she breaks ground rules, she is GROUNDED and priveleges taken away incl computer, cell phone etc and THEN try to spend any time with this boy.

The selling point needs to be she can continue to see the boy if she obeys the rules.

Girls at that age can be real drama queens (see other posts) and turn any situation into a Romeo & Juliet us against the world thing. Reality is they'll probably very likely break up with a year's time TOPS so at this point priority should be to keep her in sight and under control to ensure she doesn't get physically involved with this kid.

(Oh, and do you know this boy's family? Because if so, I'd tell them what happened. They need to take responsibility to teach their boy some rules of behaviour otherwise they'll be supporting some baby-mamma's at some point!!! Just don't let it be yours!!!)

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-17-2005
Tue, 09-11-2007 - 7:50pm

I agree - I'd be upset about this, no matter how he treats her! She's shown an obvious disrespect for your home and your rules.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-17-2005
Tue, 09-11-2007 - 7:53pm
I had not read this when I posted - I agree, a talk with the boy's parents is in order.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 09-11-2007 - 8:04pm

What are the practical considerations for stopping this from happening again?

I moved a teen from a basement bedroom to the second floor with us when I learned he was sneaking out. Is there anything you can do to make this more easy to keep track of?

Also, I suspect when we catch them at something, chances are it is NOT the first time. The kid will, of course, insist it is and we, as parents, want to believe that but just looking at the numbers.....

Do you know the boys family well enough to speak to them? NOT in an accusing manner but "I am trying to curb X behavior in MY dd and I need your help" As in trying to get her to study at 9 or lights out at 10-they may not know he is out of the house either

I don't know that I would be big on punishing her as much as preventing it from happening again in a practical manner and, of course, reviewing your rules and standards and....yes, a frank talk about sex and birth control-one has to wonder :(

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-14-2004
Wed, 09-12-2007 - 5:34am
No I do not know his parents. My husband said we should have called the police. I really did not know what to do.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Wed, 09-12-2007 - 1:44pm

I sure don't think calling the police is in order, after all, he can't be accused of breaking & entering if your DD willingly let him in the house.

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Community Leader
Registered: 04-30-2000
Wed, 09-12-2007 - 2:22pm
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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-14-2004
Wed, 09-12-2007 - 6:37pm
I have talked to my daughter over and over again and she has been grounded for this. She says she understands why it was wrong but girls do some really stupid things for a boy sometimes.

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