Teen doesn't want me going in her room

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-07-2008
Teen doesn't want me going in her room
65
Mon, 08-09-2010 - 6:44pm
Just wondering what other parents have for their rules. My 14 yo daughter doesn't like anyone else going in her room. She was given the responsibility of keeping it clean and her private bathroom as well. She didn't clean the bathroom well enough for my expectations. So, I had to take over. Today while she was at school I decided to give her bathroom a good cleaning and vacuum her bedroom floor. Her room was really not that messy. She came home and threw a major tantrum. She even ran into my room and dumped one of my dresser drawers which I made her pick up and give me her cell phone. Now there is a note on her door stating that if I go in her room ever again she will spit on me, put dog poo in my room, things like that. Honestly, I am not really that mad and feel that I have every right to go in her room whenever I please and clean her bathroom every week or two. Am I crazy? Why am I feeling so calm about her outrage?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2010
Mon, 08-09-2010 - 7:43pm
I am one of those mothers who respects my teen's boundaries. My boys have a bathroom they share. I tell them to clean it, after it has been cleaned I tell them I am going to check it. If its not clean to my standards then they have to help clean it properly right then and there-no questions asked.
As for her tantrum that would be dealt with in a totally different manner, if my daughter left a note on her door and threatened me the door would be removed along with the loss of a lot of privileges.
Avatar for sabrtooth
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-1999
Mon, 08-09-2010 - 8:19pm

Since I JUST posted this on another thread, I'll just cut and paste...
When I was cleaning house and doing laundry, I policed their rooms in the process. If I was putting clothes in the washer, I checked the pockets; in the drawer, I checked under the liners. If I was making a bed, I checked under the bed and under the mattress, putting shoes away I poked around in the closets. If they didn't want me CONTINUOUSLY in their rooms, then they could keep the rooms spic & span, and do their own laundry. But even then, MY house, my right to check up whenever I chose. I wasn't just looking for contraband, but also for lost homework, permission slips, tests with a D on them, my missing makeup, untaken meds, report cards, moldy food, notes from the kid next door, and places the dog had peed.

And I totally agree w/Mom of 3, that a reaction like your dd had, would result in not only the loss of the cell phone, but loss of the bedroom door, the bed, and freedom until she was 21. As I said, MY house, MY right to do as I think fit. And children do NOT tell me what I will or will not do.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-1999
Mon, 08-09-2010 - 9:18pm

Bottom line:

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-07-2008
Mon, 08-09-2010 - 9:31pm
Thanks everyone who answered. I think I am going to make her clean all 4 other bathrooms in the house after school tomorrow.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2009
Mon, 08-09-2010 - 9:53pm

<<>>

My kid/step-kids didn't have a choice. We explained VERY clearly to each of them that it wasn't *their* room, but merely a room that had been provided for them to sleep in and store their things in. We would knock, but expected to gain entry to the room within a few moments. We looked where we wanted (although neither DH nor myself would have read a diary or anything unless we thought they were plotting to blow up the school or something) and would have confiscated anything we deemed inappropriate.

<<>>

I would take her door off, and remove everything from the room except the mattress from her bed (leaving pillows and blankets as well), two outfits, her toothbrush, and a hairbrush (and her school work). Then I'd ground her (probably a week). Someone needs a lesson on who runs the house and what happens when you try to intimidate an authority figure. Teach her now so that she's not trying this (a more grown-up version, of course) with a future boss.

<<>>

This is good. It never works out if you deal with your child's poor behaviour while you are angry.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2010
Tue, 08-10-2010 - 12:46am
Wow I am a lenient parent but I think making her clean 4 bathrooms for the way she treated you isn't going to any good. To me the punishment does not fit the crime. I mean you went in her room and cleaned her bathroom, she gets mad and goes into your bedroom dumps out a drawer, and then leaves you a note on her door stating you can't come in and if you do what the consequences will be--and your response is for her to clean some bathrooms?!? It may teach her to clean better, but it no way does it establish any sort of parental control over her or the house.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-27-1999
Tue, 08-10-2010 - 9:39am

We try to make the punishment fit the crime, too.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2005
Tue, 08-10-2010 - 9:52am

i agree with the other posters. my daughter knows that even though its her room i have every right to go into her room anytime i need and want.

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Avatar for suzyk2118
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-30-1997
Tue, 08-10-2010 - 10:06am

Different opinion.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-1999
Tue, 08-10-2010 - 10:48am

What a ludicrious and immature response. I'm sorry but a 14-year-old telling you she's going to put dog poo in your room? Dumping out

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