Teen Drivers - WWYD?
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| Wed, 07-19-2006 - 11:46am |
We went to the beach Monday with the family of one of 12yo DS' friends. DS had spent the night with the friend on Sunday night and when we found out they were all going to the beach on Monday -- something I had planned to do, too -- I asked if DD and I could tag along.
We all meet at my house. DS' friend has an older sister with a brand-new learners' permit. (Well, not so brand-new I guess because I do recall her mom telling me she had a bit of a lead-foot a couple weeks ago, and they were all afraid to drive with her.) Obviously she wanted to drive to the beach, so we agreed to caravan and I lead the way. DS and his friend get into my car with me and DD and away we go.
OMG. That girl is a TERRIBLE driver! Knowing there was an inexperienced driver following me, I got onto the freeway, got in the right lane, set my cruise control for about 67 mph (speed limit is 65) and that girl drove on my tail the entire 40 minute ride to the beach! On Southern California freeways! (Read: heavy traffic, drivers that go too fast) I could not even see her headlights in my rearview mirror, that's how close she was.
I tried speeding up a bit to allow more room between vehicles, but she just sped right up with me. If I'd had to stop suddenly, she would have driven her car right into my back seat. I was NOT happy. And I was NOT happy that her mother, in the front seat, obviously didn't tell her to back off either. By the time we got to the beach, I was a bit frazzled.
I considered making a 'light' and/or 'amusing' comment about this girls' lead foot, but decided against it because I didn't want the day to start off on a sour note.
What would you have done?

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Julie, IMO you were right not to say anything. I don't know what I would have told you before I was also the parent of a teenager with a learner's permit (ds16), but I have to tell you that it's a very stressful situation for most parents. I would bet you that she sat next to the girl the entire time telling her to back off, but as it turns out the freeway is not a good place to pull over. Also, when your teenager is driving, and the lives of you and everyone in the car are in their hands, it's a good idea not to engage in any heated arguments. The girl probably got an earful when they got home.
I'm a terrible backseat driver with my teenager, as he tell me. I have to remember that when I'm "instructing" him, I need to be careful not to make the situation worse. If I were that mother, I'm sure I would have been mortified if you had said something - unless she's been living under a rock or is an unstable parent, she's fully aware of what happened and your pointing it out (while not yet having a driving teenager of your own, I might add) is not helpful. So I think you did the right thing!
Just to let you know, in the state of California not only are our kids required to pass a driver's education course and written test, but they have to log 50 hours of behind the wheel training with a person over the age of 25. That usually means the parent. The girl would have to be done with her on the road training in order to have a valid permit, so imagine she's logging her hours.
Oh, I'm sure that girls' mother was feeling a lot of stress! Probably more than I was being tailgated by a teenage driver for 40 minutes and especially since she already knows that her DD is not the safest person behind the wheel of a car. DS told me that the mom told the DD (A LOT) on the drive to our house to SLOW DOWN!
I doubt seriously I would have had the guts to say anything at all, even thought I might THINK I would have. I'm too much of a chicken.
I did notice, however, that MOM, not the DD, drove home ...
In a years' time, I'll be in the same position and I appreciate you pointing out to me how stressful it is to be a parent in the passenger seat with a teenager behind the wheel!
Julie
I had the pleasure of driving DS-21 and his GF to a family wedding in another state. We had too many people to fit in one car, vans are impossible to rent in summer, and so I followed DH with the rest of the crew.
DS informed me that I made him extremely nervous because I WAS FOLLOWING DH TOO CLOSE!!!!
What a hoot coming from someone who has had two accidents, both rear ending someone who stopped and he hit because he was following too close.
OK, I was closer than usual, not wanting someone to butt in and make me lose sight of DH, thus getting lost(of course he knew a better way than the mapquest I ran)
Sure hope I had DS's blood pressure through the roof as payback. I cant tell you how many times I told him to back off while logging those parental hours-not to mention the famous shove the foot down on the passenger side and lean back like you are actually accomplishing something
I agree that mom was probably fully aware AND had a sore leg from trying to brake-LOL
Seriously, though, I wouldnt have let DS ride with her or any beginning driver, especially at those speeds. When I logged the first huge chunk of hours with both of mine, it was always just the two of us. I wouldnt let either of the boys drive the family until they were well along that path.
Doesnt make sense, I know-like it was okay if the two of us died but not the entire family???? One of those mom things, I guess.
Unfortunately, in KS where I am an insurance agent, many insurance companies no longer have a discount for driver's ed. The only similar discount is for defensive driving. It was justified to us that A) many schools offer driver's ed only as a 6 week, 1/2 day summer school class that inadequately prepares students to drive and B) defensive driving classes that are operated by unknown professionals vs. "known" high school teachers are more impactful when you consider the number of cars on the road and the fact that cars keep getting bigger and bigger. ("Known" as in the kids are familiar with them and I'm not insinuating that high school teachers are capable of teaching driver's ed...)
Our company rewards good grades with a better discount that anything else because statistically students with a 3.0 or better are better drivers. They tend to be more responsible in general.
**stepping off my soapbox now.
I would just make sure my kids were NEVER in a car with that driver! It sounds like her mother's attitude is that young drivers are expected to be poor drivers so the girl will most likely live up to her mother's expectations.
Now that I've read all these responses, I'm so glad I didn't say anything about this girls driving! Even though momtb4's response was a good one.
DS and his friend have been pretty close friends for 5-6 years now, so I've had a lot of interaction with this mom and think she would have been mighty offended had I said anything. Like you all mentioned, she KNOWS her DD's driving skills are horrible. She has told me so herself a few times.
Anyway, I told DS on the way home from the beach that I was very glad he got in my car for the ride (turns out, his friends' mom told them to get in my car) and I really didn't think it was a good idea for him to ride anywhere with his friend if his sister was going to be driving.
So if we all get together for the beach again, I'll be in 2nd position!
Thank you all for your comments.
Julie
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