teen girl "social outcasts"

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-11-2007
teen girl "social outcasts"
13
Thu, 01-11-2007 - 5:38pm
I am the mother of a 16-year-old daughter. We moved to a new state when she started high school and she is still having a hard time making friends. She didn't want to move here in the first place and I think she carries that attitude with her. She's joined clubs, a school sports team, takes dance class, but nothing she does seems to be getting her anywhere as far as making friends. She's been told that she's "stand-offish." I'm frustrated and nothing I say to her as suggestions about how to handle making friends seems to have any impact. HELP!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-11-2007
Mon, 01-15-2007 - 8:51am
I appreciate the response. She's just going to have to find her own way. She's involved in clubs, tried the youth group thing when we first moved here and probably didn't give it enough of a chance. Life will go on, but unfortunately her high school experience will go into the history book of her life as sucking big time. I just hope that she can make at least one friend between now and senior year so that maybe she can at least have someone next year and maybe meet a boy to go to prom. Oh, well.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-14-2006
Mon, 01-15-2007 - 11:59am
You are on the right track in thinking that, in essence, you have to leave it up to her. We can't solve all of our kids problems; this is an example where it is better to leave it up to her. If she is bothered enough, she'll make more of an effort. Friendships take time. Encourage her to do activities that she enjoys for the sake of her own personal enjoyment, not with the goal of making friends. If she's doing things she enjoys, she'll naturally meet people with similar interests. My time working at a high school taught me that kids can have all kinds of experiences in high school. Does she think her experience sucks or is this your own assessment of the situation? It sounds like she has plenty of time to make friends before her prom; don't write her off yet. A good dose of patience on mom's part will help. Again, let her design her own experience.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-04-2003
Tue, 01-16-2007 - 1:07pm

I agree with "kidsandroses" 100%. I was also wondering if DD is complaining about not having friends or if it just your concern?? My son doesn't seem to do much with friends outside of school. It seems to bother me more than it bothers him. He has never complained about not having a lot of friends.

He will be going to a new school next year. So, I just wonder if I shouldn't worry about it. He goes to sports activities and scouts and seems otherwise happy. I hope that's OK, but I'm not sure.

Since your daughter is old enough to work, would a part-time job would be another way to meet other kids? Possibly she'll meet kids that go to other schools. It might also give her confidence.

If DD is like my DS, they never like Mom's suggestions. Seems to do more harm than good. So, be patient and supportive of the things she chooses to pursue. Good luck.

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