Teen on her way to trouble,

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2000
Teen on her way to trouble,
10
Wed, 06-13-2007 - 7:37pm

I have a 14 yr old who has taken a turn down the road of trouble. She started with the traditional backtalking a few months ago, I excpected that. Now I am finding out that sevreal of her friends are into drugs. One has been arrested, another (she calls him her bf even though she isn't allowed to have one) I just learned today has a sibling who is a big dealer, and the younger one smokes drugs and possibly sells it. My child has been warned by the police to find new friends. She isn't takeing the hint, and says "these are my friends". She swears she hasn't taken drugs, and I beleive her, mostly because her siblings have checked and I have been reading her texts and have spyware on her computer, but I am worried that it is only a metter of time, she things she is strong to temptation.

So what do I do. Has anyone been down this road. Beucase I don't know where to turn. Right now I feel like a horrible parent. My husband doesn't know what to do either. None of our kids have had problems in the past. Can I prevent this?

Help if you can.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2005
Wed, 06-13-2007 - 8:41pm
Tough spot to be in.
As my posts from today will indicate if you read them, I am not an expect here. My oldest is 17, by the time my 4 year old is 17 maybe I'll be closer to an expert. I doubt it, lol.
One thing I will say though is that you should not be down on yourself or your husband. At least you are aware of the problem, and are trying to correct it, I actually talked to a friend of mine who's dd was arrested (she's 15) for possession of pot and he believes her when she said she was holding it for someone that she just met and didn't know his name. When the cops came he ran off. Yeah, ok. Anyway...
I found that even if my dd is doing as she pleases, she usually does at least "hear" me. It might take her some time, but she usually comes around and realizes what I've been saying. My problem right now is that my dd's bf isn't actually putting dd into harm's way, so I don't want to say this kid is bad news.
With your dd, the frds are bad news. Police have been involved. Not sure what state you're in, but in mine there is zero tolerance for drugs/alcohol. You can lose you driver's license before you even are eligible to take the test if you are arrested. What is it that she likes about them if she isn't going to be getting high with them? Are people that are high fun to be around? Maybe with those types of questions she'll realize that she's not helping herself.
If these frd's are in her school, maybe a change of school is needed. If they're in the neighborhood, encourage her to have them over.
I realize that I'm not much help here, but I hope I said something that makes sense to you.
Good luck.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2006
Thu, 06-14-2007 - 12:20am

I really don't mean to scare you....but you REALLY need to step in here.

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-24-2006
Thu, 06-14-2007 - 9:50am

Well, I just had to comment on this:

<<< I actually talked to a friend of mine who's dd was arrested (she's 15) for possession of pot and he believes her when she said she was holding it for someone that she just met and didn't know his name. When the cops came he ran off. Yeah, ok. Anyway... >>>

Everytime me or my siblings were busted by our parents for pot, we each and every one claimed it wasn't ours. They didn't buy it, and I don't either anymore.

I'm going through this with a friend now. Her DS-15 was busted for graffiti last year. Even though he reeked of spray paint and the cops chased him down and found the can, he told her someone else did it, threw the can down by him and ran away. I swear, if I hear her one more time going off on the injustice of the system, I think I might scream, lol! And there's no talking to her, such as.. hey, maybe he *is* guilty. Nope.

<<< One thing I will say though is that you should not be down on yourself or your husband. At least you are aware of the problem, and are trying to correct it, >>>>

To the OP: I couldn't agree more with his statement. I think at this age peer pressure is most influential on these kids.

zz

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2005
Thu, 06-14-2007 - 10:45am

" I swear, if I hear her one more time going off on the injustice of the system, I think I might scream, lol! And there's no talking to her, such as.. hey, maybe he *is* guilty. Nope."
(sorry for my off topic reply) LOL. It's a shame to laugh about it, but some parents just refuse to believe THEIR little ANGEL could do anything wrong. As far as the system, it sometimes, or usually, treats you better if you respect it and are truthful when you screw up. I learned that as a young (bad) driver. 9 out of 10 (yeah, I have that much experience with it) cops will give even a kid a warning if you talk politely and admit you know you were screwing up and will try harder to be better. Just don't get pulled over by the same guy twice, lol.
Avatar for weberdns0
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-25-2000
Thu, 06-14-2007 - 11:48am
It's time to tell her what friends she can and cannot visit, and talk to the parents of your children's friends and get to know them better.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2000
Thu, 06-14-2007 - 5:21pm

You asked a really good question. "If she isn't getting high with them then why hang around". Good question.
I have spoken to a few parents and unfortunatly (I am new to the area) they really don't care. They think that this is all normal teen behavior and that i am being overprotective. They are no help.

Thanks for the input though lots to ponder from your post

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2000
Fri, 06-15-2007 - 5:29pm

I am scared already. So that part is taken care of.
We do discuss drugs all the time, and how everyone we know whos kids do it are in trouble or worse.

You are right about how good they are at deception. I only recently learned not to answer the question "are we doing anything on xyz day". That was fishing. I was caught many times. Now I ask what are you really asking me. I have told her that she needs to be moniterd on computer. I have caught her up at night and said "oh I thought you meant only if i wanted to respond to people" So deception is alive and well and growing.

I know if we don't stop her it will get worse. She has to meet with on of the boys probation officers because he wants to tell her to stay away or she will be meeting with him on a regular basis. He called me and told me that she hangs with a bad crowd.

thanks for the support

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2000
Wed, 06-20-2007 - 8:56pm

Today we met with a police officer who told my daughter to stay away from some of the boys she likes to hang with. He told her she was on the fast track to trouble. That she and her friends are basically guilty by association.
One of the boys is quite upset, i think bcuz he is a dealer he has lost a future customer.

Well 15 minutes ago 3 of my daughtres best girlfriends walked by and didn't stop. So I guess they heard she can't talk to him.

I feel so bad for her right now, and she doesn't want anything to do with me. She is hurt and angry and me, at the situation and everything. I wish I could reach her but I feel the cold distance she has put between us.

I feel like i have lost her forever. I don't know how to handle this right now.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999
Wed, 06-20-2007 - 9:35pm
You are in a very hard situation, but stay firm.
Avatar for jbgattuso
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-29-2003
Wed, 06-20-2007 - 10:24pm

Hi there,

My son an DH and I went through a really hard time this last yr. We had to say that DS couldn't see this one boy, because of who he was and how it was effecting DS. LONG Story, but DS lost most of his friends, because the other boy really played upon others sympathy's. DS was sooooo upset with us and if we weren't yelling at each other, we just weren't even speaking. I started writing him letters. I never lectured in the letters, just simply told him how much DH and I loved him. I also reminded him of the fun times that the whole family had before this boy came into our home. I wrote to him about every other day. I also would stop DS when he was comming or going to school and tell him that although he thought he hated us, we would never stop loving him. I would hug him, wether he liked it or not LOL. After about a month, DS started to "normalize" with us. He wanted to be around us. We started doing alot of family things. He was lonely and luckily he turned back to us. I think the letters helped. Funny thing is in the end, most all of the friends came back to DS. They realized that this other boy was truely the problem, and that he wasn't any good. Anyhow, I feel your pain. :( Hang in there.

Julie