Is this a teen thing or what???

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-21-2005
Is this a teen thing or what???
8
Sun, 02-19-2006 - 11:33am

Starting out, today is my birthday, so happy Birthday to me, YEAH!! 35 and getting younger, right???

Anyway, I gave up having my kids today to my Ex (it's his weekend with them)because we were all supposed to see each other yesterday at my son's scouting banquet. My family keeps the Sabbath day holy and we basically do church and eat at home stuff on a Sunday. Boring for someone's birthday. Plus I do not want to see my EX on my birthday and if I had them I'd have to get them and bring them back and I dont' want to see him once, letalone twice. I thought having the kids yesterday would be my bithday present to myself since I usually dont' get anything from them anyway...

I am at the banquet, my son comes up, I ask his father, where are the girls? Oh they are at home, they didnt' want to come. They knew (all of them my ex included) that I was looking forward to that day as a birthday present. Is this a teen thing to do this? My 3 yr old wants to play with her toys at home. Fine, but was it disrespectful for my 14 yr old DD to snub me like that? AS it is, I wont' see them until Monday night at 8pm because of the stupid holiday... ANd no one has called me yet...It's almost time for me to go to church and no one that I love in my family has called. Yes, I am selfish, but on a birthday once a year I deserve to be, right?????

Just so sad right now, my own kids dont' care that it's my birthday!

LARK

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2003
Sun, 02-19-2006 - 12:59pm

Lark,

First off ... Happy Birthday to you! Since my 35th was nearly a decade ago, I suddenly feel like an old, old woman!

Try not to take this as a personal rejection from your teenage DD. As is the case with most teens, they simply DO NOT think in terms of how their behavior or actions might affect someone else. Or that what they do or chose not to do might hurt someone else's feelings. Especially not mom. I don't know why, it just seems to be that mom is the one who 'gets' to overlook stuff like this. I've worn your shoes fairly often, but it's usually on Mother's Day. I might get a 'Mother's Moment' (oh by the way, Happy Mothers' Day) but that's pretty much it. I've gotten to where I'll actually plan my own birthday and Mother's Day -- if I don't, the day is pretty much a non-event and I end up feeling disappointed and let down -- probably much like how you feel right now.

As far as your XH goes, well, I imagine there is a very good reason why he is an EX-husband. Try and consider the source and don't let his participation in this, or lack thereof, get you down!

The day is not over! There is still plenty of time this afternoon for your kiddies to call you with their birthday greetings. They probably expected that you would attend Sunday services and are waiting for you to get home before they call.

In the meantime, do something special that you want to do! See a movie the kids are not interested in seeing, (or is not age appropriate for them) browse through a bookstore and splurge on a hardback novel you would normally wait and borrow from the library, buy yourself a lovely bunch of flowers (I recently bought some absolutely divine pink tulips) have a leisurely lunch in a restaurant no one else is interested in trying, (no french fries or fried chicken thingies on the menu!) have a glass of wine with it, take a long, hot bubble bath, eat a dozen chocolate truffles ... do something you normally wouldn't do because of the expense, inconvenience, etc. Today is the day to indulge in the one (or maybe even two!) thing/s you tend to put off, thinking 'SOMEDAY, I'll do that'. Let that SOMEDAY be TODAY!

Birthday hugs coming your way!

Be Happy!

Julie

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999
Sun, 02-19-2006 - 1:31pm

Happy Birthday Lark!!


What Julie said.... it's a teen thing, and even after getting 2 thru the teen years, one almost thru, and my DD 14, I still haven't managed to change anything.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2005
Sun, 02-19-2006 - 1:45pm
julie, EXCELLENT POST, you said everything I was thinking! p.s. the ONLY WAY teens would be apt to remember it was our birthday, we would have to buy THEM stuff on that day every year,,,,THEN they'd remember! LOL k-
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2003
Sun, 02-19-2006 - 6:53pm

Oh it is a teen thing alright esp 14 yo teens. My dd who is overall a really good, loving kid can sometimes turn into such a self-centered little brat. This weekend I was feeling ill from a cold and really just felt like staying in bed on Sat morning. My dd comes into my room and proclaims "I'm hungry". Yeah? So? Couldn't she go downstairs and make her own breakfast? "No. I want you to come." She says in her surliest, grumpiest manner. So I pointed out to her that I was sick and wanted to stay in bed. "But I'm hungry!!!!" was the reply. Oh, yes, mummy should drag her sick butt out of bed because the princess is hungry!!! She stomped out of my room, slammed by door shut and went down to get her own breakfast.

You know, that's the thing at this age -- they turn into rude little monsters at the drop of a hat. One minute she's a great kid, loving and kind, the next minute she's demanding all the attention to the exlusion of everyone else's feelings.

When this happens I just count to ten, hold my ground, take a deep breath....and console myself with the thought that she too may someday be a mom...

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-21-2005
Sun, 02-19-2006 - 7:06pm

Thank you so much, Julie, Rose, and Kay.

I was so worked up and frustrated, hurt, disappointed that watching the phone not ring was almost unbearable. They finally called at 11:36 and it was short. My DD, 14 was very sick, (poor girl), her dad is also sick (sux to be him!) and my son was short and sweet. My baby DD, 3, was sweet and was happy that I was sharing my cake with her when they get home Monday night.
I knew my Birthday was gonna be next to nothing so I took my "carefree day" on Friday. I had three classes (college) but took my test in first hour and then ditched Biology and Speech. I'll get the notes on Monday. I went to the mall and shopped for 3 hours and got some coconut lotion made and lilac lotion made at a store called the Body Shop. I ate soup in a bread bowl at Panera's Bread Shop and had a blast savoring the day. It was my day to have and I took full advantage of it. I bought myself a real Black Forest Chocolate cake (I'm german ) and happily ate a piece for breakfast this morning. It was better than my imagination. Totally awesome...

So my weekend was not a total waste but the feeling that your own kids don't care is not something that I like at all. I don't like a lot of what this teen stuff has to offer. I get hurt too easily and my skin is not tough at all. I guess that's the advice I need now, "Tough it up now girl, it's gonna get worse."

I love the board so that when I do get this way and confused, I can go here and get some straight answers and advice to help me through my dilemma.

Thanks, guys. And the birthday wishes is just what I needed too.

LARK

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-21-2005
Sun, 02-19-2006 - 7:13pm

I know it's just so awful, that you want to ground them until they are 18 and ready to move out...

Yours sounds just like mine, and the sick mom bit is so familiar...

My only wish is that when I get to have grandkids, they treat their mom and dad the same they they treated me. LOL! My mom just laughs at me when I tell her that. Wonder why??

LARK

Avatar for mily12
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2003
Sun, 02-19-2006 - 8:48pm

No you are not being selffish. You're kids should have called you. Unfortunately, being teens they are self centered and often times only think of themselves. I bet your DD didn't even think that you'd be hurt by her rudeness. She probably doesn't even think she's done anything wrong. If anything it was up to your EX to remind them to call, but of course,being an Ex, he doesn't care.

I'm sorry that your birthday was ruined. Someday those same spacey teens will be thankful for all you've done for them and they'll do more than just call on your birthday. There is hope. They do eventually grow up.

Hugs and happy, happy belated birthday,

Mily

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Mon, 02-20-2006 - 11:10am

here's sending you some birthday wishes....

yes, teens can be very selfish and self absorbed. i am sure that your kids did not EMAN to be mean.

i'm glad that you found a way to have a good birthday...

i must say that my son has always been quite sweet about birthdays --- when he has no money, i tell him that i would prefer a day with him as a gift instead of him buying something.