Teen wanting to go on cruise

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-30-2007
Teen wanting to go on cruise
39
Sun, 12-30-2007 - 1:52am

Hi, this is the first time I have posted anything, but I thought I would give it a try as my 17 year old daughter and I have been arguing a lot about her wanting to go on a cruise next December during Christmas break. She will turn 18 in November of 2008, still be a senoir in high school and she wants to go on a cruise with her friends. I am totally against this for several reasons. One I just dont think she is responsible enough to get on a big ship and ride off with her friends. Shes not the most responsible girl, God love her. Her room is always a mess and when I say a mess, its a mess, she never washes her own clothes, she loses stuff all the time (like her car keys), shes a procrastinator and waits til the last minute to do anything of importance (like school work), etc. Honestly I really worry that things would just go completely wrong if she went on a cruise. I know I am just worried as a mom, but the fact that she shows me little signs of being responsible in just her day to day life, how can I think she is responsible enough to go on a cruise. The cost is $520.00 to be paid by the end of july. Thing about that is, she works now but barely works enough to cover gas money for all her driving around she does and is always asking for more gas money anyway, now all of a sudden she thinks shell be able to come up with money for this cruise and spending money. She says to me " I will be 18", and I tried to explain to her that shes still in high school, she still lives under my roof, which means she still has to follow my rules. Dont get me worng other than the fact she isnt that level headed and responsible with certain things, she is a good girl, very active in church, has good friends, never been in trouble, never had sex, done drugs or even drank, and yes I can say that its all true and I am certain of it, I am notbeing nieve. Still I just dont think its a good idea for her to be going on a cruise a month after turning 18, besides the fact it just worries me to death, I just dont think these kids need to be leaving the country without any aldult supervision. Being 18 shouldnt make you an adult, your maturity level should. So anyone have any advice for me??? I just need to hear what others may think. Its a year off, maybe shell have changed alot by then with her maturity and responsibility level, but I dont think so. Any advice would be great.


iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2007
Sun, 12-30-2007 - 3:25pm
I think I would throw myself in front of the car before I let my DD take off on a trip like that, 18 or not! :-/ Or maybe I'd go along "in cognito"!
Avatar for mjaye2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 12-30-2007 - 3:33pm

I am of the frame of mind that if she can come up with the money by herself by the time it's due, then you will have to *think* about it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2004
Sun, 12-30-2007 - 6:41pm


It goes both ways. The head of the household also has to learn to compromise and decide what is really important. Is having clothes on a floor in someone's own personal space truly something to worry about? In my opinion, it's minor in the big picture. If the messy room bothers the "head of the household", close the door. Simple. It is, after all, the kid's personal space. And being messy has nothing to do with being unclean. It is just messy.

Right now both my kids' rooms are a mess. Do I care? No,I don't. There are worse things in life than clothes on the floor. They are both well-adjusted, smart young adults.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-03-2003
Sun, 12-30-2007 - 8:33pm

Last spring break my 18 son was a senior in HS and his 2 buddies wanted to take a road trip from the Chicago suburbs down to panama beach for spring break---they were all 18 (barely 18).

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2006
Sun, 12-30-2007 - 11:24pm

"your teenagers "introduction" to alcohol in a foreign country with only your buddies to take care of you (sort of)."

Yup, those buddies do not always take care of one another like they intend to. Last yr, during spring break in Mexico, one of DS's friends ended up returning to the hotel by himself after getting totally wasted. Fortunately, he returned safely. I was shocked to hear that not one of his friends was with him, but when they all start drinking and one strays from the group, that can happen. (That was the spring break trip our DS was not allowed to go on cuz he'd gotten in trouble.)

I have more faith in girls, and I think they'd be more attentive to who's around and notice if one was missing.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Sun, 12-30-2007 - 11:58pm

My son was planning a trip to Canada with his cousins - I started asking questions like - what about hotels? Most will not give a room to an 18 year old.... What about a rental car? You have to be 25.... would the cruise line even allow a group of 18 year olds? Then I would sit down and run the real costs - because certainly if she is driving she should also be responsible for her car insurance. Then - next December - wow not a great time as college applications are do.... where is she applying?


Look you can take the argument out of this by asking the questions of her... the ones we as adults go over in our head. I actually said that to my son - here is the list of things on my mind - you own the worry now. I actually went over the list of things that applied to him and what he has going on. Does she have her own checking account? Does she pay for her own cell phone?


I have a theory - kids will take the reins when we allow them to. Ask her to show you how she will pay for her given this whole list of expenses... and make it long and expensive. Do some foot work of your own quietly - like will the company will allow children to make reservations. Then she will do all the work for naught... but she will see the real world.


Good luck!

Courtney


I pray my wish, will come true, for my child, and your child too...

Courtney

There's a great big beautiful tomorrow shining at the end of every day... there's a great big beautiful tom

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-30-2007
Mon, 12-31-2007 - 2:48am
Thanks for all the responses and advice. Never doing this before I didnt realize I would get such a great response!!! I did notice a few people making comments about the fact that her "messiness" or "losing things" doesnt mean shes not mature. I just wanted to clarify that of course thats not all that I am basing how mature I feel she is on. Maybe some think I am being a bit over protective, maybe I am, maybe not, I think as parents only we know our children better than anyone else, so only we can make that judgement for oursleves how over protective we are or are not being. And even if I am being OP, hey shes still my baby and always will be. And though I know that one day I will have to learn to let go, I dont think I will everstop worrying about her or wanting to protect her. :) She is my oldest of 4 kids (18 mnths, 29 mnths, 13, and her my 17 yr old) I am glad some people mentioned Natilie hollaway too, honestly when she told me she wanted to go on this cruise, she was one of the first people I thought about, along with some of the other cruise horror stories i have heard about on the news/talk shows, like of rapes and being drugged, etc. Its scary and horrifying to think about those things. She has taken a trip without me before. During christmas break 2006 her and another girlfriend from church went to see a family from the church who had moved to Idaho. They had 3 plane switches and a layover and all went well.(it was just the 2 of them alone flying out there) I guess altough I was worried about her (and cried my eyes out when we couldnt see her walking to the gate anymore and all the way home) its not like the worry I have for this cruise thing because I knew once they got to Idaho, they were being supervised by adults. I can remember being
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2002
Mon, 12-31-2007 - 8:43am

I gotta agree about compromise...I don't expect my kids to do the whole vac and dust thing a lot (altho DS does) but I do expect neatness. Being able to find things. Being able to walk into a room without stepping on clothes, books, iPods, etc. I am not near the clean freak I was years ago.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2007
Mon, 12-31-2007 - 9:00am

I gotta agree about compromise...I don't expect my kids to do the whole vac and dust thing a lot (altho DS does) but I do expect neatness. Being able to find things. Being able to walk into a room without stepping on clothes, books, iPods, etc. I am not near the clean freak I was years ago.


I totally agree. I wouldn't call myself a neat freak. But when my DD has PILES of clean clothes all over the floor of her bedroom & bathroom, it says to me that (a) she has too many clothes and (b) that she doesn't have the maturity to appreciate or care for what she has. I really resent it when I see our hard-earned money being disregarded this way (even if she bought it with her allowance). Plus, she still doesn't do her own laundry, so she obviously doesn't give a rat's behind about all the work I had to put in to take care of those clothes in the first place. Yeah, it's a sign of maturity in my book. (And yes, I know I have to get her doing her laundry! Another resolution for 2008!)


ej


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 12-31-2007 - 9:57am

I lifted teh curfew for my middle son when he turned 18 his senior year(Dec)


I felt he needed to make his mistakes while I was still there to help. This is my challenging child and I had no doubt there would be mistakes


And, I was tired. I didnt exactly throw my hands up raising him