Teen wanting to go on cruise
Find a Conversation
| Sun, 12-30-2007 - 1:52am |
Hi, this is the first time I have posted anything, but I thought I would give it a try as my 17 year old daughter and I have been arguing a lot about her wanting to go on a cruise next December during Christmas break. She will turn 18 in November of 2008, still be a senoir in high school and she wants to go on a cruise with her friends. I am totally against this for several reasons. One I just dont think she is responsible enough to get on a big ship and ride off with her friends. Shes not the most responsible girl, God love her. Her room is always a mess and when I say a mess, its a mess, she never washes her own clothes, she loses stuff all the time (like her car keys), shes a procrastinator and waits til the last minute to do anything of importance (like school work), etc. Honestly I really worry that things would just go completely wrong if she went on a cruise. I know I am just worried as a mom, but the fact that she shows me little signs of being responsible in just her day to day life, how can I think she is responsible enough to go on a cruise. The cost is $520.00 to be paid by the end of july. Thing about that is, she works now but barely works enough to cover gas money for all her driving around she does and is always asking for more gas money anyway, now all of a sudden she thinks shell be able to come up with money for this cruise and spending money. She says to me " I will be 18", and I tried to explain to her that shes still in high school, she still lives under my roof, which means she still has to follow my rules. Dont get me worng other than the fact she isnt that level headed and responsible with certain things, she is a good girl, very active in church, has good friends, never been in trouble, never had sex, done drugs or even drank, and yes I can say that its all true and I am certain of it, I am notbeing nieve. Still I just dont think its a good idea for her to be going on a cruise a month after turning 18, besides the fact it just worries me to death, I just dont think these kids need to be leaving the country without any aldult supervision. Being 18 shouldnt make you an adult, your maturity level should. So anyone have any advice for me??? I just need to hear what others may think. Its a year off, maybe shell have changed alot by then with her maturity and responsibility level, but I dont think so. Any advice would be great.

Pages
I post on some of the other boards - this is the first time I have visited this board - the cruise thing caught my attention.
I have an 18 yo DD who is a freshman in college now & lives away from home.
<>
Uh, huh! The 20 yr old wants to tour Europe and, supposedly, the best friends parents are financing this for him(and I believe it from past history)
My reaction?
I HAVENT EVEN BEEN TO EUROPE!
For once, DH was the level headed of the two of us and told DS to come up with an itinerary and projected costs and we would discuss it(he wants to cash in savings bonds and stocks)
Its been a couple months and nada
But, yeah, at that age I was excited when we left the state
Thanks for the reply. In response to your friend who decided to go on the cruise too in fear they would drink too much and fall overboard, I can understand that fear. It went through my mind too, though I guess we always fear the worst that can happen. But my fears have been about other things too, since my daughter hasn't and doesn't drink, etc, not yet anyway( which I hope it stays that way, like I had said in my original message shes very church active and has seemed not to be too concerned with having that kind of lifestyle as of yet, but what better than on her first adult outing/trip to want to try it for the first time) I have feared things like someone drugging her, etc on the ship or on shore and something bad happening as a result of that. I mean there are many documented accounts of that happening on these cruises. Especially over the last several years, these cruise trips or trips out of the country seem to be becoming bad ideas for anyone.
As far as the curfew issue, I am sure I will give her a little leniency on that, but with reason. There are 3 other children in the home, 13, 2 1/12 and 1 1/2. I guess I just feel like there is no reason to be out till am, 3 am, etc. Thing is theres no drinking in our home, that's just how we chose to live our lives and if my daughter were to start drinking and staying out late and coming home after shed been out drinking, I think I'd be very upset. Mostly because of the drinking and driving issue, I don't think I could be okay with that, ever. I worked in a local E.R. for many years that was a level one trauma center, you can imagine the list of horrible results I saw from drinking and driving accidents. I guess I want my daughter to not only respect her life, but the lives of others as well, and when you drink and drive you are not respecting either. Also we pay her car payment which still has 4 1/2 years on it and I can imagine that just because she turns 18 and wants all this freedom, knowing my daughter as well as I do I know she wont pick up on the other things a responsible adult must do, like pay car payments, and cell phones, and gas money, etc. All of which is paid for her right now, except she pays part of her car insurance each month. I am not going to try to lock her down, but when she turns 18( november by the way) she wont even be half through her senior year, and I just cant see saying okay your 18, you can do whatever you want now, while we are still footing the bill for everything in your life. I hope that we find some sort of compromise, maybe she wont push so hard and maybe I can let go a little more, I don't know. One thing I do know is no matter how old she is I guess I will always see her as my "baby" :) Letting go is hard, but I still have some more time to get used to the idea. I am so glad that I decided to post on this board though because I was feeling a little alone and it is been wonderful to have others to talk to an get advice from. Sometimes it makes things a little easier when you can hear other peoples experiences. Again thanks for your bit of advice, it was helpful.
Yes, I got that "I'm 18, so now I can do whatever I want" line.
When I posted about the cruise - I didn't say anything about curfew - believe it or not that is something that has never had to be addressed at our house - mainly because my daughter is like me and goes to bed very early - she always has - at college she goes to bed before 9:30 every night - in fact she dropped a night class that was starting next week when she goes back because it isn't over until 9:30 - she said that is her bedtime - now the 8:00 a.m. classes don't bother her at all because she gets up about 5:30 in the morning.
Pages