Teenage Boy Anxiety
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Teenage Boy Anxiety
| Mon, 02-18-2008 - 10:47am |
Why is it, that the bigger mine gets, the more anxious I feel about parenting him into adulthood?
This probably will sound strange.

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Well, it's easy to answer that one, Julie. It's cuz you've been hanging around this board too much and reading all the stories of our 'fallen' children, lol! Seriously, though, that does probably account for some of your worries.
I didn't worry much with either of our boys cuz they had good friends (or so I thought) and good grades in school. I probably should have worried more, and had I found iVillage sooner maybe I would have. Both DS24 and DS18 experimented with drugs and pot in HS, but I didn't find out until the younger one got in trouble at age 17, and that's when I first came to this board.
When you really have to worry, i think, is when they start driving. You lose a big chunk of time with them when they are no longer spending time with you in the car. It is hard to give them independence and still ensure that they're always doing the right thing; we take our chances, but we can't be babysitting them when they're 16-18. In retrospect, we should've done more calling/visiting homes of DSs' friends. At the end of the day, if we teach, and show by example, the right values, and if we always offer guidance and support, they'll turn out okay.
Edited 2/18/2008 11:33 am ET by janetlz
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http://www.pnhp.org/news/2009/october/meet_the_new_health_.php
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DQTBYQlQ7yM
Yes but worrying is normal. All you can do is change today. You can not change the past and the future is unknown. So, take each day as it comes.
This is how we have approached parenting..
All I can do is bring up young adults with common sense and (again that phrase of mine) thoughtful individuals. What path my kids take in their lives is up to them. It is their lives, after all, not mine. All I & their father can do is teach them, by example, to treat others with respect and to treat themselves with respect. I know this all sounds like "motherhood" statements but it is actually more than that.
We have never assumed my kids are like every other kid nor have we assumed that my kids were not like every other kid. We used my common sense and have tried to really listen to both of them. We have also remembered how we felt when we were their age. Recognizing that genetics play a large role in how we react to life, it has gone a long way to help us as parents understand our kids. The trick is to accepted the kids for who they are, remember how it was like to be a teen, don't assume guilt but be open to the possibility and go from there.
Granted my kids are not your "typical teenagers". DS17 & I spent last night doing Physics problems, on his request. (I wanted to watch Miss Bennett & Mr. D'Arcy.. oh hum). His sister (19),home from university, was working on an assignment for one of her courses. I was on standby for moral support because I just don't remember my Real Analysis.
I also have a 14 year old son. For some reason, (and I've never really been clear as to why,) I haven't worried about him as much as I do my older daughter. Maybe I should have been and lately I've had a little more reason to do so. He is now in h.s. I like most of his friends but there are a few I'd be happier if he didn't "hang out" with. Some of his friends have gotten into trouble for drinking although we are unclear as to whether or not he's been involved. Of course he denies it vehemently. We don't think he has but now I worry and we are much more diligent about monitoring where he is going and who he is with.
The older he gets the more I worry that we haven't prepared him well enough to do the right/best thing. I am worried that I have put so much time and worry into my oldest that I have somehow neglected him. He is very lazy but I think capable. He is very bright and every once in awhile he'll pull As and Bs but mostly he just does enough to get by. I keep waiting for him to "grow up" and show me that we have taught him well but I am worried. Every once in awhile he does. Like the other day when he invited his grandmother out to lunch with him because he hadn't seen her in a couple of weeks. Or when he shovels our driveway without even being asked. Or when he comes up to me after dinner and gives me a hug and say thanks. So I think it in him somewhere. There are other times when he is RUDE, impolite and nasty but I can't be sure if this is who he is or just a rotten teenager. So I worry!!
It sounds like your son is a good person and as you say "so far, so good". But don't stop. Whatever you have done so far seems to have worked. As we all know, the teen years can be tough and as parents its natural for us to worry because we care about your kids and want the best for them.
Ramona Mom to 2 great kids and wife to one wonderful hubby since 1990!
There is alot of emphasis out there on the difficulties of raising teenage girls. Everything from body image to self-esteem to protecting them from abusive relationships to fears about sexuality and STD's and pregnancies....
...however, when you look at that list it can just as easily apply to raising boys.
I think you're right - it's that we as women think about raising who we want to be a successful and happy man and possible future husband potential for some girl, whereas our expertise is with being female and being wife/mom.
When my oldest DS was 12 and 13 I worried about getting through his teen years and having a thoughtful, considerate, responsible man coming out of those years.
Julie,
For anyone to even ponder those questions puts you well ahead of the game.
Yes....you worry too much just like we all do... :-)
One small observation though... you describe Wes as big for his age. Don't let his physical size change how you parent him. Emotionally, he's still 13/14. Coaches, teachers, and the world around him may have certain "expectations" for this wonderful big kid. There is a tendency for others to expect more mature behavior out of a more physically mature kid.
Aw, Julie, of course you are worried.
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