Teenage Drama
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Teenage Drama
| Sun, 02-18-2007 - 2:36am |
Hi Everyone,
My beautiful daughter will be 16 in April,shes smart and outgoing,typical teenager in every sense except all the "DRAMA" that is her life.She has some "family issues"(lives with dad and step-mom) that gives her stress,but overall it is her friendships that keep her on a constant emotional rollercoaster.One of her so-called bf's(girl) is always saying/doing and reacting too things in such a way that she always has to decide to let her go or forgive her,and she chooses to FORGIVE because she loves her so much.Also,a recent boy just betrayed a trust that left her bewildered,while I understand that teenage angst is apparent and expected,wondering if there is a book I could buy her that might help her to cope better and not stress so much over every little incident,guide her perhaps,etc...Any help/advice will be deeply appreciated.THANKS!
My beautiful daughter will be 16 in April,shes smart and outgoing,typical teenager in every sense except all the "DRAMA" that is her life.She has some "family issues"(lives with dad and step-mom) that gives her stress,but overall it is her friendships that keep her on a constant emotional rollercoaster.One of her so-called bf's(girl) is always saying/doing and reacting too things in such a way that she always has to decide to let her go or forgive her,and she chooses to FORGIVE because she loves her so much.Also,a recent boy just betrayed a trust that left her bewildered,while I understand that teenage angst is apparent and expected,wondering if there is a book I could buy her that might help her to cope better and not stress so much over every little incident,guide her perhaps,etc...Any help/advice will be deeply appreciated.THANKS!

I don't have a book recommendation for you, unfortunately, but I can chime in to say that this is exactly what my DD (16 in July) experiences in her group of friends too. One friend in particular (A) tries to say who can be friends with who, has made a specific boy "off limits" because she has a crush (even though he's clueless), and held everyone's February schedule in limbo while she decided when/if to have a Sweet16 party. All I can do is listen, help my DD keep some perspective, and hang on for the ride. I've learned to be very cautious in how I critique her friends - I have to sympathize with my DD without sounding like I'm trashing any of her friends.
Hang in there. The best thing I think a mom can do is provide evidence that HS drama eventually ends when HS does, and life will go on - "see! I'm here to prove that everyone survives the garbag-y drama of HS"
Sue
Alas there are no books on this subject -- it just appears to be part of teenage life. Some kids have it earlier in their teens and then just find their way out of it by 16 or 17. Others don't seem to get out of it until they are completely out of HS.
My dd went through this earlier ie when she was 13, 14 and I found this year it just disappeared. I think it has ALOT to do with her settling in with a core group of friends who lead thankfully UN-dramatic lives. It makes a huge difference. It also has alot to do with gaining a certain amount of confidence and self-awareness that allows a person to just recognize it isn't worth it and not get drawn into all of it.
As we say with all things "this too shall pass" and it will eventually.
As others have posted, this seems to be an early teen phenomenon and gradually disappears. Hopefully your DD is on the tail end of this.
As a common post and common complaint, if you think the overblown teen drama drives Moms nuts, words can't explain just how this drives Dads insane.
Between 12-14 my DD's world came crashing down practically on a daily basis depending on what some gf did or said. Of course, each "event" was over the next day.
I made the mistake of having some opinions about some of these kids which did not help the situation one bit. I'm sure my DD was the instigator as well as the recipient in a lot of these adolescent power plays.
All I can say is, UGH.. and hang in there.. :-)
D
Hang in there. We have DD(16) & DS(23), lots of BTDT experience with DD on this subject. Raising both a girl and boy I can attest that the END OF THE WORLD due to some international incident at high school with teen girls arises much more frequently than with boys.
Perhaps it is that women form more emotional ties with our friends and are more vocal with our feelings than most men. Additionally, patience is most definitely not a highly valued personality trait at this age. It is difficult to see them faces these challenges, I feel for them, however they must learn the dynamics of friendship and relationships as they mature in to young adults.
My two mottos (and my children tire of hearing it I know-they told me so)...."the lesson is in the struggle not the victory" & "people in your life will treat you in the manner with which you give them permission".
I agree with Daddioe "Chicken Soup for the Teenage Soul" was most helpful. There is another edition that is specific to this and to boyfriend relationships "Chicken Soup for the Teenage Soul - Love & Friendship".
One other piece of advice, you can empathize with her feelings but I would be cautious about providing any commentary. Whomever she is upset with today will of course be her best friend tommorow.
Happy Parenting - Anna
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http://www.pnhp.org/news/2009/october/meet_the_new_health_.php
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DQTBYQlQ7yM
I think some groups of girls are much more in the drama queen category than others. I am one of 6 sisters, the youngest of which is now 33, and we all experienced various degrees of drama in middle school. My class was small - 21 kids, 15 girls, and it seemed that there was always some state of high drama. One of my sisters experienced almost none of this drama, but she only had 4 girls in her class of 20. The rest were somewhere inbetween. (We went to a small private school thru 8th grade.) But I honestly do think that it's worse now than it used to be.
And Janet, be careful what you wish for! I have a DIL now, and even though she's 22, the level of drama she brings to the family some days is equal to Jr. High!! She tends to be very good at "I'm not going to speak to you until I've made you absolutely crazy if you inadvertently do or say something I don't like" and for the last 3 months I have been the target for her silent treatment. Why? I have no clue. I'm just letting it ride by - I'm way too busy to let it make me crazy, and it'll likely blow over in a couple of months. Now that DS is back from Iraq his presence might end up helping some, but one never knows... This all started a little more than 2 months before he was due back. Oh well, in the mean time, I just keep dealing with what I can deal with, and let the rest go.
Rose
I think your daughter is a typical teenager, and that INCLUDES all the drama in her life. Despite the fact that they seem to angst over it more, how is it any different than it was for us at that age. It is just part of the process and around the end of high school it stops. Then we get caught up in our own life with college, marriage, children, etc. My daughter was a big angster because she is so empathetic towards people. She now focuses on other things. My mother is 80 and lives in a senior complex. These women have regressed to the teenage drama mindset. I have never heard such cattiness. There are few men there and they all fight over them. They worry about who is who's best friend, who dresses funny, who thinks they are "better" than the rest, etc. Well, what else do they have to do really?
Deb