Teenage drinking

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-2003
Teenage drinking
12
Tue, 11-04-2003 - 3:45pm
My 17 year old son went to victory party at a friends house. Before he left he told me that there was going to be beer there, when he left should I have to him not to drink or presume that he would use his head and not drink. Well I presumed that he would use his head. When I picked him up him was intoxicated. I have since grounded him for 3 weeks, he feels that I should take into consideration that he told me before he went that there was going to be beer there, I told him that he should have turned it down with out me telling me not to drink.

If you want to email me please do so by using this address kelly@never-enuff.net

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-14-2003
Tue, 11-04-2003 - 4:57pm

I'm thinking perhaps the grounding should

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999
Tue, 11-04-2003 - 5:50pm
I agree whole-heartedly with you. Peer pressure is a huge thing, and even if this young man went to the party INTENDING not to drink, it didn't surprise me that he did. At the very least I would have reminded him before he went to the party that we expected him to not drink...not saying anything can be taken as unspoken permission to do whatever in this situation.
Avatar for arwen12
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2003
Wed, 11-05-2003 - 7:56am
I agree and I also think that maybe he should not even be grounded at all.

I think any consequences should be negotiated.

The reason being is that he was HONEST.

How is he being rewarded for that honesty? By being grounded?

He was HONEST and up front from the start.

I think that deserves something.

If you want to squash that honest behavior and discourage it moving forward - ground him.

And, I'd wonder if he would be honest again in a similar situation.

If you want to encourage honesty, then talk to him and come to a compromise.

Maybe during this 'compromise' discussion, the outcome will be an agreed upon grounding given that he submitted to peer pressure and drank beer excessively.

Use this as a learning experience for both of you because chances are this situation will come up again.

He definitely should not have taken the beer - no argument here - but he shouldn't have been given permission to go if there was beer.

I think there is accountability on both sides of the fence.

I'm sorry if this is very direct.

Just my two cents.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-2003
Wed, 11-05-2003 - 8:54am
My son and I have talked about the situation and came to a compromise on that he will come home right from school for the rest of the week and able to go out either Saturday or Sunday with his girlfiend for this weekend only and come straight home from wrestling practice next week and things will be back to normal. We both agreed that both of us were in the wrong in the decisions that was made. I want to thank everyone who has responsed to this message, the response were very helpful and informative.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-2003
Wed, 11-05-2003 - 8:56am
My son also admits the mistake that he made when accepting the liquor.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-14-2003
Wed, 11-05-2003 - 9:35am
Well that's a good start on his part.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 11-05-2003 - 9:36am
I'm glad you got some good answers. I know this is late, but I do agree with the other posters. I know if it was my son, I would have specifically told him "You can go, but you cannot drink." If he complained, I would have kept him home. Where I live, the legal drinking age is 21, and I will stick with that.

Ellen

Avatar for arwen12
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2003
Wed, 11-05-2003 - 11:41am
Good for you!

I think it is so important to have an open relationship and open communication.

I'm glad this worked out for you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Wed, 11-05-2003 - 1:46pm
I'm a bit late in this response - it sounds like you worked it all out.


Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999
Wed, 11-05-2003 - 10:36pm
I hope it didn't appear by my reply that it was my DS that did the drinking...I was just indicating what I have done in the same situation. My oldest DS J ran with some pretty questionable kids during high school, including our now DFS S who was a real mess sophomore and junior year. We always emphasized what we expected from him - no drinking, no drugs, home by curfew, no matter what his friends were doing...BUT if in spite of his best intentions he did slip up he was to call us, any hour of the night and we would come and get him, no questions, rants or raves in the middle of the night. Under NO circumstances was he to drive after even one drink or get in a car with anyone who had had any alcohol, that would get him in the deepest hot water he'd ever seen! Only once did he call that he'd been drinking, we got him that night and DH poured him into bed...and the next morning DH had him up at the crack of dawn with the chainsaw cutting wood for our fireplace and our camper. That was the LAST time that had ever happened. No grounding ever happened. DH and I were both raised on farms, and our fathers both believed in the "5 a.m. chore consequence" - and since it worked so well on us, DH is pretty consistent about enforcing the same thing for our kids - and if the job is really noisy on a hangover...well, so much the better! I suppose we're pretty lucky that we have a supply of that kind of jobs available, but I've also had them up vaccuuming the carpets and scrubbing floors and toilets bright and early when they've over-stayed curfew...good thing DH and I are both naturally early risers! ;-)

Pages