Teenage girl---soon to be 18

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-18-2003
Teenage girl---soon to be 18
5
Sat, 08-11-2007 - 7:50pm

Hi there, I am new to this Board but have been in several others. I need some help with my 17 year old daughter. Her dad and I are divorced almost 6 years now. I have a man in my life for over the past 2 years. The problem is, she hates him and has just told me recently that she hates living with me and him. She has been moody, wants to be left alone, basically wants/has nothing to do with us. I am on disability so I am home daily. Money is and always has been very tight. I do whatever I can and would just love to see her smile, carry on and be happy. Maybe that's my first mistake. What teenager is happy ??? Her nature alone is very quiet, she loves her time by herself and like a typical teenager spends alot of time in her bedroom, even eating there. We are in a small apartment so there's not alot of places she can go. She enjoys her friends and going out, but we are not as close as I wish we were. She doesn't want to live with her dad, who is just a few streets down the road, and we get along fine. However, she can't wait to go to college. We have one near here...but she wants to go away to college, to escape us too, that much I know. As for my partner, he is also very quiet, and doesn't say much, if anything to her, just as she to him. (it's fun for me I tell ya ).

I myself, suffer depression, anxiety, agorphobia (at times) and find it so stressful and am hurt by her admission to me. What's a mom to do ??

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999
Sun, 08-12-2007 - 4:27pm

Try not to take her comments about not wanting to live with you anymore too personally - so many kids this age say that.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-18-2003
Sun, 08-12-2007 - 4:36pm
Hello there...thank you so much for your reply. For some reason now that I've backed away abit..and am not constantly asking her what's wrong..she seems more approachable and actually starts talking just a wee bit more which is fine with me. I will definitely not take it too personally like you suggest. Thanks again !
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-28-2007
Sun, 08-12-2007 - 11:39pm
I think you should start by eating meals together. That is one of the best predictors that a kid won't wind up on drugs, etc. We used to eat in separate rooms due to activities, etc. But now family dinner time has become a priority. Why doesn't your daughter like this man? Can you talk to her about this? Let her no her happiness is important to you and that it distresses you that she doesn't like him. Can't you get him to make more of an effort. Ask her why she wants to go so far away--is it toget away from you, for sure. Maybe it isn't. Try doing some things with her. Do you go out at all--or does the agoraphobia keep you in. If so, then play games together or do manicures. But you have to make an attempt to get closer. Read a book she is reading. Get interested in anything she is so you will have something to share. Good luck! Have you gotten some help for your own problems. You deserve to take care of yourself too.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Mon, 08-13-2007 - 2:09pm

I think you should help her go away to college, if that is at all possible. Considering you are probably low income, you should be able to qualify for fin. aid. She doesn't have to go that far, it could be an hour away, so you can still visit sometimes. My DD is going to college soon, 2 hrs. away. She is very excited and I am happy for her cause I went away to college and really enjoyed it.

By the time I was 18, I was tired of having to listen to my parents, having to be home at a certain time, etc. and it's not like my home life was so bad, I just needed some independence.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-18-2003
Mon, 08-13-2007 - 2:58pm

I definitely agree with your advice about college. I am going to, as always, support her decision and do whatever I can for her. Yes, she will qualify for a student loan without question, so that's good. It seems we've been communicating abit better since I first wrote. I think it was a need to vent more than anything. She's quite looking forward to her last year coming up and has even started going over some of her studies. She seems to be happier as school is approaching.. 24 days she told me today lol.

Thanks to all who have posted and helped me.

ivpisces