Teenagers acting as mature ones..

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-27-2001
Teenagers acting as mature ones..
Wed, 07-21-2010 - 12:24pm

Yesterday during our work lunch, some coworkers were talking about how nowadays teenagers look like really grown up women, physically and that is why many of them like to hang out with grown up men or prefer to do so. One of my male coworkers who is just like 23 yrs old, and he is in that age of high testosterone and hormones at the highest level, hehe!! said that


iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999
Wed, 07-21-2010 - 12:57pm

My sons are 22-25 (nearly 22-26) y/o, and at various times they've commented on how hard it is to tell if a girl is underage or not, BUT they really have no interest in gals under about 20-22 and have run really hard in the other direction if a girl under 20 shows much interest in them. Maybe it's because of their life experience (all 3 are combat veterans in the US armed forces), but they have very little patience with the level of immaturity in younger women. That's not to say they're always looking at a woman's brains when they're out looking... but IMO your coworker is a jerk.

Young girls, 14-15 y/o, might LOOK all grown up, but they're dressing based on what they see in the magazines, act like those they see on tv, but most of the time, they don't really know what they're getting into and are just young girls in terms of maturity and social intelligence.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2009
Wed, 07-21-2010 - 1:21pm


While the above may be true for some teen girls, the rest of what your co-worker said sounds like the rationalizations of a pedophile.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-1999
Wed, 07-21-2010 - 2:30pm

Ick, this guy sounds like a real creep. I absolutely understand how a grown man could mistake a teen for a 22-year-old. However, decent guys back off immediately. They don't go around saying teenagers "know what they are getting into" and hit on them anyway.

I'm of the opinion that young girls don't really know what they are doing. For starters, young teens dress more for each other than for boys. They want to fit in and so they wear what is "in." I had to buy my 8th grader a graduation dress and you have NO idea how hard it was to find one. They were all ridiculously short and strapless (niether of which she was comfortable with thank goodness.) We finally found ONE at Macy's that worked (still short... about 3 or 4 inches above the

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2005
Wed, 07-21-2010 - 3:16pm

What do u think? I mean do teenagers nowadays know exactly what they do, even from the outside they dress like sexy grown up ladies or they are still girls?

Avatar for sabrtooth
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-1999
Wed, 07-21-2010 - 3:29pm

Not only is this guy a jerk, and a possible pedophile, he is at risk for being arrested as a sex offender, and labeled as such for the rest of his life. Consent is NOT a legal defense. "I didn't know how old she was", or "I THOUGHT she was of age" are NOT legal defenses. IF you are not 100% sure how old the partner is, DO NOT HAVE SEX.

Legal age varies--and it sure ain't 16 anymore. In Illinois, it is 17; generally tho, it's 18. Here are the laws:

Criminal sexual abuse is a Class A misdemeanor offense for which the sentence can be up to one year in jail. A finding of guilt on this offense will require the defendant to register as a sex offender, for a minimum period of 10 years. Definition:
1. Consensual sex between two persons (boy or girl) who are BOTH under 18, but at least 9 years old.
2. Consensual sex between two persons (boy or girl) where the victim was at least 13 but less than 18, and the accused was younger than 21 years of age.
EXCEPT--if the accused was 5 years older than the victim, then the offense is aggravated criminal sexual abuse.

Aggravated criminal sexual abuse is Class 2 felony offense, with a minimum of 3 years in jail. A finding of guilt on THIS offense will require the defendant to register as a sex offender FOREVER.

So tell this nitwit, if he has CONSENSUAL sex with anyone under the age of 18, he risks being convicted of a FELONY, having to register as a sex offender for the rest of his life, and having to disclose that he is has been convicted of a FELONY, and is a sex offender, every time he applies for a job, rents an apartment, or buys a house.

Avatar for suzyk2118
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-30-1997
Wed, 07-21-2010 - 4:23pm
(OT and not sure if she likes these but Lands End Canvas has some things I thought were kinda cute - I liked the one with the pleats http://canvas.landsend.com/ix/canvas/Canvas/Women/Dresses-Skirts/index.html?catNumbers=2198~2199~2209&store=le&tab=17&cm_re=Canvas-Women-_-D-1-4
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Wed, 07-21-2010 - 4:31pm

This guy is one small step below a rapist who thinks that a woman was "asking for it" or it wasn't really rape since she either dressed sexy, was drunk, was at a party, etc. I do agree that it's difficult to tell just by looking how old a girl is but I would think a guy would want to find out. I have a 21 yr old DD--I don't think most of her guy friends in college would want to date a girl under 18 and would probably prefer a girl who's in college. I can't see a 23 yr old guy out of college being at all interested in a girl younger than college age and I think a normal guy that age would be revolted if he thought a girl was hot & then it turned out that she was only 15. I think it's gross that he seems proud of himself for taking advantage of younger girls. Even if it's not illegal, the older person really has to look at what they are doing, considering they are the ones w/ the life experience where they are supposed to be more mature.

I think that some girls go for the slutty look on purpose but particularly I think w/ younger girls, they really don't get the ramifications of dressing too sexy--they like the clothes, they think they look cute and w/o parental guidance they are going down the wrong path. Luckily our high school has a dress code that prevents any sexy dressing and my DD never wanted to look like that anyway--she still doesn't. She will wear a short skirt but considering she's flat chested, things don't look overly sexy on her anyway.

Avatar for sabrtooth
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-1999
Wed, 07-21-2010 - 8:59pm
Ya know, this whole discussion about girls dressing "too sexy", has us all sounding like like a bunch of sexist or religious extremists. Whether they are legal age or not, whether they know how they are dressing or not, IN THIS SOCIETY, what a woman wears should NOT have ANY bearing on how she is perceived, or treated. A girl, a teen, or a woman should be free to wear ANYTHING she wants without fear of being labeled skanky, or slutty, or even IMMODEST. I don't see us having this discussion about what BOYS wear, and I think the boys in those Hollister, Abercrombie, Calvin Klein, and some perfume & beer commercials are dressed JUST as suggestively as any of the girls!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 07-22-2010 - 7:09am


Yep...and I agree that it is the parents who need to provide the guidance-not a 23 year old guy!

I didn't raise girls but I believe I would have discouraged them from dressing provocatively just for fun for the same reasons I would have discouraged them from walking home alone at night or stepping into a crosswalk with a car speeding at them! The car SHOULD stop for a pedestrian in a crosswalk; the rapist SHOULDN'T troll the streets at night but I would not want to put my daughter's safety in someone else's hands.

Avatar for mahopac
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-1997
Thu, 07-22-2010 - 9:25am

Now I have to disagree with this: "A girl, a teen, or a woman should be free to wear ANYTHING she wants without fear of being labeled skanky, or slutty, or even IMMODEST. I don't see us having this discussion about what BOYS wear, and I think the boys in those Hollister, Abercrombie, Calvin Klein, and some perfume & beer commercials are dressed JUST as suggestively as any of the girls!"

Sorry, but clothes have been sending messages for millenia, and that's not going to change. Whatever you wear, you send a message about yourself: I'm conservative, I'm crazy, I'm an Orthodox Jew, I'm an urban fashionista, I'm unsure of myself, I'm gay, I like to fit in - that's what clothes tell people about you. Expecting that people should wear whatever they want and have no one think anything of it is just unrealistic.

It's incumbent on everyone - male or female - to dress in a way that expresses themselves while showing that they have some respect for themselves, and for other people. My 18yo and 15yo daughters would completely agree with that, and it's not like we ever had to hammer into their heads that they should be modest; they dress fashionably but modestly, and they choose their own clothes. They don't want to see boys' underwear hanging out over the tops of jeans, and they *do* make judgments about what jerks those boys are; they don't want guys to walk around without shirts on; and the current fashion for women of wearing a bit of cloth over a bra and calling it a shirt is just as distasteful to them as it is to me. They are non-sexist when it comes to their belief that people should have some respect for themselves and others.

Of course none of that has anything to do with a 23yo MAN having the common sense and decency to recognize the inappropriateness and illegality and immorality of hitting on underage girls.