Teenagers and alcohol

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-11-2007
Teenagers and alcohol
5
Thu, 01-11-2007 - 7:39pm

Hello,
I am new here, so this has probably been discussed alot, forgive me, but I could really use some feedback.

Here's the story:
New Year's Eve night my 16 yr old dd went to some friends house for a get together with all girls, and parents present. After midnight, they went to another friends house where they were all spending the night. At the second house, she just confessed to me that much alcohol was consumed, by almost everyone BUT her. She wound up confessing to me that she called her older sister, who was also out at a party, and asked if she could pick her up and stay with the sister's friend. She was VERY uncomfortable around all her friends drinking, and was also scared that because they were drinking it would look like she was too if the parents found out. She also shared with me that these friends have been drinking here and there for a while, and that at times they don't invite her places because they know she won't participate in the drinking. I hugged her and told her how proud of her I am, and that she is the wise one and making VERY good choices. However, I am now concerned and confused about what I do with this information. She doesn't want me saying anything to the other girls parents, but many of them are quite good friends to me, and I would want to know if this was the reverse. These girls are very popular, athletic and most at in the Honor Society. This would violate the athletic code as well. I am more worried about their safety, and driving, etc. Any and all advice is appreciated. These girls range from ages 15-17. THANKS SO MUCH!!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-05-2006
Thu, 01-11-2007 - 7:57pm

Thats a hard call. My guess is that some of the parents probably know about the drinking but close their eyes to it(I.E: The parents who's house they later went to),some may not want to know and yet some would want to know. Hopefully they would at least have some concern about the drinking and driving. I would go with my instincts on this one. You could always approach the parents in a calm and casual way just to get a vibe for how they feel about it. Some may not care at all. Unfortunately, it really isn't that unusual for kids this age to experiment with alcohol and to have a disregard for their safety.

Also, congratulations on having such a responsible daughter. I would be proud of her too.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2000
Thu, 01-11-2007 - 8:46pm
Hi and welcome to the board.
Pam
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 01-11-2007 - 10:54pm

I think many of us have found that 'sleepovers' tend to be where high school age teens drink-both boys and girls. For some reason, I thought a sleepover was safer than a party and it's not!

Perhaps you could broach the topic in terms of coming to a teen message board and discovering that while browsing through the threads. I certainly encourage you to make yourself 'honest' and run a search for key words like 'alcohol' 'sleepovers' and 'drinking'. Then you can share this new info with your friends in a 'what do you think about that?' sort of way and see what pops out

Might be that they would rather they drink in the safety of their own home than at a party or drink with all girls than boys or that their child would never do THAT

Whatever, I think you will get a good feel for where the other moms stand

I have used threads here for conversation starters at the dinner table many a time-you just need to move it to your friends get togethers

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-17-2005
Fri, 01-12-2007 - 7:34pm

Congratulations on having a responsible teen.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2006
Fri, 01-12-2007 - 8:15pm

Yes, you should call each and every one of the parents. Tell them that you heard (you don't have to mention the source) that their child was at a party (don't have to say when and where) at which drinking was going on. Tell them you think it's better that the parents handle this than the schools, and that to be safe, they should have a discussion about drinking with their children so that they don't get the school's punishment--suspension and being barred from athletics. I emailed this sort of message to the soccer parents and to DS's friends' parents, and all were supportive and did not take it the wrong way. Sure, some of them may allow drinking--maybe this helped them take another look at that. I think it's the right thing to do.

Tell them we do not want the zero-tolerance zealots in our schools to increase the potential for a suicide.

My DS17 son was suspended last fall after being 'caught' drinking before a football game. (All this even though the athletic director said he had seen him at the game and that he looked fine. He and the AP had just gotten him to admit to drinking after an hour of interrogation, in which they said "Don't worry, we won't hold it against you. We know you're a good kid.") He missed a week of school, fell behind in his classes (4 of them adv. plcmt), could not finish the soccer season, could not park in the school parking lot for 90 days. He suffered from severe depression during which time I seriously was concerned he might commit suicide. And for THAT, NOT for substance abuse, he needed counseling. He's doing okay now, thank God! I had no idea my son was drinking, but found out after this incident that he'd been doing so at sleepovers since summer. He just called asking if he could stay over at a friend's house tonight and it was very easy for me to say NO!

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