Teens and birth control
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Teens and birth control
| Wed, 05-10-2006 - 8:39pm |
Hi,
How do you feel about putting teens on birth control? I have a 16 year old daughter who has a steady boyfriend. He's a great guy, but they are teenagers and hormones are a raging!! Frankly I feel like I'd rather be proactive than always be wondering "are they?" and "are they protected??". I'd love some feedback because honestly, I really did not anticipate having to deal with these thoughts just yet.
Thanks!

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While I honestly hope my daughter waits a LONG time to become sexually active, if she were to be in a serious relationship that she felt was headed toward that, I would take her to the doctor, make SURE she's educated and protected.
I always try to think about how I'd feel in her shoes. My mom didn't have a clue when I became sexually active. I went to planned parenthood and got myself on the pill. My DD is 11 now and we are already talking about waiting for marriage and why she should. It's really easy for my kids to look directly at my life and see it riddled full of mistakes. This was one of them. They can see what I did before I got married. And they can see exactly what I did while dating this last guy that was so much different, and how that has affected my marriage. My DH and I didn't sleep together before we got married. We were both married before and both sexually active before, so not sleeping together was hard, to say the least. We certainly didn't prolong the engagment phase! LOL
I would suggest talking to your dd about protecting herself from pregnancy, and about protecting herself from other things. Give her the talk about if you sleep with John, you also sleep with all the girls John slept with, and all the guys they slept with, and so on. Start adding it up and it's both gross and scary. Offer to either take her to a GYN or give her the info to get herself to PP. One way, you might get to know what is going on, the other, you won't have a clue. PP will not give you any info, but if you go to the gyn with her, and if you are allowed to stay in the room, you might get more info.
My DD just did the thing in health class about girls body changes. Some of what she related to me was correct. But I had to remind her I know a LOT more about pregnancy and birth than her teacher could even think about knowing. It's my area of expertise, so to speak, and that if she ever had any questions, or if her friends did, I'd be glad to answer them.
Based on my own personal history, I have no intention of allowing my DD to take birth control pills, or anything else hormonal.
I think I've wandered way off topic. I would just talk to her honestly, almost girl friend like. Maybe involve a couple of her girlfriends so you can establish yourself as the "go to mom" and then you'll always know what's going on. You could ask her girl friends to have a girls night over, and tell them that you want to talk to them all at the same time. Bring up the topic of boys and roll from there. I think once you get going, it will all come very easy.
I'd be REALLY careful about talking to DD's friends without their parent's knowledge about such a sensitive topic.... might establish yourself as the go to mom for the friends, but as a real trouble maker who is trying to instill the "wrong" values in the girls from the other parent's perspectives.
It is difficult, but at least you're thinking realistically and that's to your credit. Can you have an open discussion with your dd about her relationship? You don't need to know all the details, but it would be nice if you could at least get a small picture of what they are up to. This alone can open up the discussion about protecting her body, birth control and prevention of disease.
Although we'd all like our teens to wait till full adulthood to take that step, the reality is it doesn't always go the way we want it to. Good luck - I think you're on the right track.
I agree with the concept of a go-to mom, but I also agree that I wouldn't necessarily want some of the parents of kids my DDs age dispensing advice.
That said, my DD and I have an incredibly difficult time talking realistically and openly about things I know we need to discuss. I know she needs to discuss them with *someone* so I have set it up for 2 of the women in her life to be able to do so. She doesn't know it, and they've both agreed to not tell me every single word in order to protect DD's trust in them. If I need to know, or might need to know, I will be told. If it's just general conversation I get "we talked about X the other day. She had some good questions."
One of these women is my sister-in-law. She is 6 years younger than me and she and my brother are currently trying for a baby. She's closer to DDs age and has no kids so she's automatically "cooler" than Mom. The other is my Xs XGF. Odd, I know, but it seems to work. Since I have a more distant relationship with her DD feels safe talking to her. She is my age and is a mom of a 6 year old DD. Neither of these women is in DDs "daily" life so they don't get off on tangents or make connections to things other than the question at hand like I do.
The most important thing for this to work is that I have ongoing conversations with both women to insure we are on the same page in terms of beliefs, answers, advice, etc. and they both have agreed that if it's a sticky situation or they don't know what I would want DD to know/hear/etc that they will say, truthfully "I'm not sure how to answer that or what to say here. Let me think about it."
Do I want these women to replace me in this important role? Absolutely not. But I've also found that sometimes if DD gets her immediate question answered or gets positive information from one of them that she can and will talk to me more openly about it. I'm still learning how to talk to her and am getting better. In the meantime I want her to get correct, honest information along with opinions I agree with. I want her talking to *someone* who will offer answers in line with our family's beliefs...It also can show her that I'm not the only one that feels the way I do on certain topics: if the women she admires and looks up to feel the same way maybe I'm not so far off base after all!
Good luck!
Dani
i hope it goes ok :)
Deb
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