teens and chores

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-05-2003
teens and chores
5
Tue, 03-13-2007 - 3:23pm

do any of you have your teens do chores? i have 3 teens 17,16,13 and we are having a hard time with them helping in the house without a big blow out.can someone help with some ideas here.

thanks

Avatar for ivillage_sista
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: mom2bgb
Tue, 03-13-2007 - 7:48pm

Oh yes,

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2005
In reply to: mom2bgb
Wed, 03-14-2007 - 9:05am

In our family we feel that learning to care about and serve others must start in the home. No one sits around doing their own thing if someone is working in our home. Everyone pitches in and works together to care for the needs of the family. This is expected as a member of the family and not something that is rewarded or paid for. Service must come from the heart, not be motivated by the wallet.

My son is 13 years old and has a set of chores that he alone is responsible for. Mostly it's self care needs. He keeps his room clean, keeps his things picked up from the common areas of the house when he's done with them, makes his bed, and tends to his laundry. He also feeds the pets and does his share of help when it comes to planting season and harvest time for the vegetable garden, as well as yard work and shoveling snow. He also helps with meal planning and preparation.

It is expected that he will help with any task that is in need of doing and that he will ask if his assistance would be of help. This is to be done without prompting. He is spoken to if he chooses not to volunteer himself when clearly his help could have been used. We want him to learn to see a need and to step up to the plate on his own, so we do not ask for his help. We do expect that he will offer it.

This attitude of help whenever there is a need, without being asked is something that dh and I model to our son on a daily basis. Dh is just as quick to grab cleaning supplies for the bathroom if I'm cleaning house,as I am to grab the edger when he's mowing the lawn. We want ds to experience the closeness that comes when families work together, for each other and with a servant's heart.

stacy

Avatar for heartsandroses2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: mom2bgb
Wed, 03-14-2007 - 9:27am

We always just made it a 'thing' that we all do. There was never a discussion about who will do what and when or whatever. It was simply understood that we all have to chip in and do chores so that our household can run effectively.

We did have a few times when our girls got lazy or had words about whose "turn it was"...something we never really talked about and was instantly cleared up by reminding them of this.

In your case, however, since it hasn't been a way of life...I would suggest holding a family meeting and explaining how since you all live there, all make messes and all utilize the many facilities in the home, then you will all be responsible for taking care of everything, which includes cleaning, throwing out, closing cabinets, doing laundry, raking, mowing, and weeding, etc. Present this more in the way of acting as a team, working together so that no ONE person gets stuck with overloaded responsibilities. Instead of referring to these tasks as chores, make it understood that as a member of the household, there are certain tasks that they will be responsible for. I don't assign each kid to a chore - I really don't think that anyone wants to do that same thing over and over again and I don't believe that everyone can do any task well. Instead, I make a list of what needs to be done and we divvy it up together (we don't need to do this anymore - they just choose what they want to do and it usually works out). Each person, including H and me, gets specific responsibilities. I do the floors always! I love clean floors, no one can do them as well as I can, so they are mine. I delegate just about everything else. And each person's room is their responsibility. When my girls are away, I may go in there and do some deep cleaning, but the rest of the time, they are responsible for it. And if it doesn't meet my standards, I close the door, unless there is old corroded food in there, which is a no-no. Then I make them get in there pronto and clean it up!

I just think the key here is making it about teamwork and not giving them so many choices and options. It is what it is - "we all live here, we all have to keep it up!" Period.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2006
In reply to: mom2bgb
Wed, 03-14-2007 - 11:23am

I'm afraid we set a terrible example in this regard. As a SAHM, I pretty much do everything around here that keeps our lives together. DH has a demanding career, DD15 has particularly grueling school schedule this year and while DS does too, he is home more than anyone else (besides me) and he is the one who gets 'stuck' helping me out when I need it.

In our home, schoolwork comes first and it is DD and DS' primary responsibility. They manage to keep their bedrooms fairly well picked up, get their clothes into the laundry and their wet towels hung up. If I asked one of them to do something (i.e., load the dishwasher) I do expect them to do it without arguing (doesn't always happen, BUT ...) but it's not something either one of them does with any regularity.

I know I'm not preparing them especially well for adult-hood, but for now, I'd rather keep their focus on doing well in school -- not worrying about if they have clean socks for school the next day.

 

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-17-2005
In reply to: mom2bgb
Sun, 03-18-2007 - 5:30pm

Basically if they don't do their chores they don't get to go out. My kids have learned that I am not joking when i say that either. I have 4 kids in high school, and they rotate with chores. They each have to keep their rooms clean or at least presentable and the other chores they work out between themselves. I mean I do help them out if they are sick, or have finals or something big coming up, but most of the time they just do them and get it over with.

Stephanie