Teens and computer time?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2003
Teens and computer time?
5
Thu, 07-19-2007 - 10:23pm

Just wondering how the rest of you handle your teen's computer time. How much time do you consider to be too much? Do you think it's a concern if your teens relationships seem to be mostly with people s/he has met online?

I think my son has an addiction to the computer. It's the first thing he gravitates to in the morning and the last thing before he goes to bed at night. He copes with problems by being on the computer. He's met "friends" on Bebo and chats with some of them regularly. His "girlfriend" is one of those people and lives in another state; they've never met IRL but talk on the phone, talk with webcam, etc. He has a couple of close friends IRL but won't extend himself to enlarge his circle of friends. It bothers me and has for some time, but until fairly recently my dh didn't agree with my concerns. Over the past month we've installed Computer Time, which allows us to set time limits and the times he can be on, etc. dh started with 3 hrs/day, which I thought was too long, and now we have it at 2 hrs. When school starts back up we'll make adjustments as needed for homework. My frustration with "homework" is that he chats at the same time, so it takes longer than it should, IMO.

Your thoughts and approaches?

Thanks--Heidi

Daisy Siggie

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2005
Fri, 07-20-2007 - 8:40am

<>

Our son only uses his computer to listen to music, access sheet music, do homework, do his web master work for a volunteer group he belongs to and for the maintance of his own web site. He also does email with family and friends. He isn't allowed to play games, IM, visit chat rooms or have a my space acocunt.

I don't restrict time so much as how the computer is actually used and what it is used for. Because most of what he uses it for is actual "work" or at least a creative endever such as learning a new song on his guitar or writing a story or working on some poetry or a website, I don't mind the amount of time that he puts into it.

The only people my son does communicate with on the computer, are kids that he actually knows. From here, from the old neighborhood (we moved to another state about five years ago) or from camp.

stacy

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-05-1998
Fri, 07-20-2007 - 8:56am

My boys (16, 14, and 11) are allowed 1 hour per day (broken into two half-hour segments) of electronic game time--which could be Gameboy, GameCube, or computer game/online surfing. Beyond that, the computer can be used for homework or by special request. None of them is allowed a MySpace or FaceBook account, none of them chat or IM. My two teens are involved in Runescape and Gaia Online (on which I also have an account). So far, none of them seems the worse for not having unlimited computer time, and I haven't heard any complaints about how draconian my rules are.

Elizabeth

Avatar for sharo63
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-10-2006
Fri, 07-20-2007 - 9:11am
I have found that the busier my kids are in the "real" parts of their lives (sports, clubs, jobs, live friends) the less they are on the computer. I would push the real activity route and less the putting an "hour" limit on the computer. It has been my experience with three teens that the use increases when they are bored. Even if they don't realize they are bored. My DS who is 17 will refer to times he played games against kids online as "remember when I didn't have a life!"
Just me 2 cents (and I should preface it with I have had no coffee today)
Sharon
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Fri, 07-20-2007 - 11:17am

I think that being on the computer a lot is pretty normal because it's how kids communicate today. In the old days, we would call all our friends on the phone to get them to do things, but now they IM. My 18 yo DD could have 4 IM conversations going at once. She also IMed at the same time she was doing her HW, which I'm sure took her longer, but since she ended up graduating from high school at the top of her class, I couldn't complain about that. I never limited the amt. of time she spent on the computer because she was busy doing other things as well. It wasn't the center of her whole life. She was in some school activities, athletics, had a part-time job and did a lot of social activities w/ friends, so it didn't seem to be an issue.

I think the computer was more of an issue w/ 17 yo DSD because she didn't have as many friends. When she turned about 15, she did get 2 close friends to do things with. Her personality is very diff. than DD. DD is more the social butterfly, can't stand to spend one night home alone, and has a big group of friends. Unfortunately, one of DSD's 2 friends worked a lot and also had a mother who never seemed to let her go out, so DSD's opportunities for socializing were a lot less. We noticed that DSD was making a lot of phone calls to someone out of state. When DH asked who she was calling, she said it was a girl who went to her school who moved away, but I am pretty sure it was someone she met online. However, since it was a teenaged girl (she actually called the house) I wasn't that worried, but it did seem that DSD could have a lack of judgment about talking to strangers.

You didn't say how old your son is, but maybe he's a shy kid and it's easier to chat w/ people online that make new friends at school. Maybe he could start out totally unknown and find out that people accept him more, where if he's been w/ people he has known since 1st grade, he probably already has an image as a certain type of kid. You also know how it is in high school, there are a lot of groups that tend to stick together, so maybe it's hard for him to break out of the group he's in. That's the thing w/ having an online GF too. If he has never had a GF before, maybe this is a way for him to try it out with not as much risk as there would be in real life.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2006
Fri, 07-20-2007 - 1:47pm

I think I am the most leinent with computer time out of all of you. Its never been an issue in my house so I have never felt the need to install spy programs or anything like that. I only restrict the time for computers during the school year, but Madison is self-sufficient and always completes her homework first. On nights before tests she will only use the computer if she needs it as a study aid. I allow AIM, myspace, and facebook but I do look at them every so often. We have a pretty open line of communication and she has over a 4.0 in school so I can't really complain.

With your son though, I would try getting him to do outside things like a sport or a club or something. He has this shell that he should try to break out of. Though the enternet is the new form of communicating its not necessicarilly the healthiest way, especially if thats your only or dominant source of communication. I actually don't approve of online dating, especially if you have never interacted with that person in real life. In your case I don't think that limiting his amount of time on the computer is a bad thing.

Adelaide