Teens helping out with household $ issue
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| Sat, 06-09-2007 - 8:44am |
Hello! I'm reaching out to get some honest opinions on a situation that my household is in.
I'm a single mom with 2 teens. They are 16 and almost 18. They are going into 11th and 12th grade in the Fall.
Due to many issues, we are about to lose our home. Gas prices, my overtime was cut, the kids school needs have increased, etc... And of course as you know, the bigger they get, the more they eat.
Anyway, both of them do have part time jobs. Each taking home between $150 and $325 every 2 weeks. I imagine during the summer that amount will increase.
We sat down last night and without me going into too many details, I talked about our budget and ways we could save and MAKE money. They both came up with really great ideas and I was very proud.
But in the middle of the night I realized that there is about $1000 cash coming into the house (theirs) that is not being used for anything other than "toys" and teen stuff. They do save 10%.
So, is it horrible of me to ask for some help with living expenses? I was fortunate to grow up in a home that was not ever in dire financial situations, so I don't know if teens contributing was ever done.
Please don't be mean if this is an example of the worst parenting EVER!! I'm just hoping to get some thoughts from others parents that are alone, scared, and not sure which direction to go.
Thanks!! Lori...
PS...We've decided to get rid of Netflix, landline phone (they have cells that they pay for themselves) and talked about the importance of energy savings. Also today we are going to bring old clothes to consignment shops and perhaps list more expensive items on ebay. There were THEIR ideas. I was sooooo proud.

First, off, HUGS to you and your kiddos - this is a tough situation to be in and I really admire how you handled it with them - as "we're all in this together". You treated them with respect and they responded as "grown ups".
Given their willingness to make some adaptations, I might go easy on their money. If they're paying for their own cells, and other incidentals, that's already a big contribution to the household.
I did have a couple of thoughts - they could pick up more of "their" expenses, or they could each be responsible for one dinner a week - both in terms of paying and in terms of buying/making. Maybe it's pizza, but it's a meal and they contributed. Or maybe, you do a grocery run once a week - if they want more (i.e., more snacks, more lunch meat, etc) that can come out of their $$.
But, again, I give them and you credit for trying to solve this problem together.
Sue
Thank you so much for your reply.
It's just not been pretty. After being divorced for 14 years, their dad met and "fell in love" with a 23 year old. And child support stopped. Yes, I am going to court. But if you've ever traveled that road, you know it's not a fast one. So that was also another $640 a month that I stopped getting in the Spring.
Anyway, one of the ideas my son had was (you just have those God breeze moments when your kids say things like this...) that we could make cookies instead of buying them. And then he said "It's more fun to bake with you than just open a bag anyway". And yes, I cried mom tears.
Thanks again!
From the moment I got a real bonafied paying job at 16, I had to give my mom $35/week. When she needed it to help make ends meet, when she didn't she put it aside for me. When I got my first apartment she put up the deposit and paid the first month's rent and filled my fridge with food from the money she had put aside from the weekly $35. I never felt ripped off or that my mom was asking too much of me. She expected the same from all 5 of her kids and we all did it.
I don't think it's asking too much. The only thing you need to be clear about is what thier contribution will cover. If they are giving you a set amount of money each pay period they should not then walk away with a feeling of "Well, I pay to live here, so now I don't have to help around the house, or, I can do whatever I want now..." kwim?
Best of luck - they came up with some great ideas. I've done the consignment shop thing for years and it adds up. Also, you can list items for sale in your area through www.Craigslist.com and make a little extra money that way for things you no longer use, like that nearly new bread machine or serwing machine, etc.
Lori, I think your kids responded very maturely, you've done a good job with them.
I like this train of thought!
My 19 yr old is home from college and the soda pop bill alone has surged. We are OK right now but, if we weren't, yes, it would perfectly alright to expect him to buy his own pop.
They should be paying their own cell phones and car expenses(if any). They can buy their own clothing IMO. Id step up if I saw their shoes falling apart but the rest is likely want instead of need
I would also put them in charge of their own personal items-deodorant, body wash, hair gel-that stuff adds up especially if they are on the Axe bandwagon
And I like the meal a weak thing-pizza is so cheap and I cant imagine they will argue even if its 2/wk ;)
They sound great! I love the cookie comment!
Thank you so much for your support. It is appreciate more than you'd know. I think my "tone" really hit home with them. My son offered to pick my daughter up because his tank was full, and his dad helps him with that expense. My daughter snapped when we got home and there were ebay boxes on the front steps. She said "MOM!!! you can't afford to buy anything"...and then I explained they were shipping boxes for SELLING things!!
When I got up this morning there was a huge pile of clothes and shoes outside of her room. She said (right before I yelled about the mess) that I could sell them. Please know also that she is mentally challenged and her grasp of crisis and money are far different than most. I'm shocked and touched that she understood.
I must say, this is a delightful group. I hope I can contribute some positive information on another thread.
Big hugs to all!! Lorilll
I am sorry that you have found yourself in this situation. Like you, I am a single mom with two teens, 19 and 16 and one tween, 12. My kids know alot about our finances because I think it is a good thing for them to learn as they get older. What things do your kids pay for right now with their money? My son did not work a "real" job until his senior year in HS. Once that began, he paid for all his own expenses, clothes, activities, etc. This past year he was away at college and while his dad and I split the college costs, he worked to pay for everything else. My 16 yr old just got a job a week and a half ago and we are moving toward this with her, too.... I think it will be harder, though, because she is more "high-maintenance" than he is..... It sounds to me like you are a great mom and are doing a great job.....
You mentioned that your ex had suddenly stopped paying his CS.... Does he pay it directly or thru the state? You said you are going to court... are you going to court for a modification or have they filed charges for non-support on him? No matter what, you should pursue him for CS. He owes the kids at least that! Get a wage-assignment and garnish is wages..... Does he have a regular job? I don't know what state you are in, but if you want, I might be able to give you some ideas on this because I work for the county court in my state. You can post here or email me through my profile.....
I would have no problem telling my son that we needed his assistance to make the bills. Afterall he is using the car (insurance, gas money, maintance), eating the food (grocery bill), using utilities (cable, electric water, heat) and enjoys having a roof over his head (mortgage, rent, lease). Why shouldn't he help to pay for all those things if it's truely needed.
My parents grew up during the depression and they both said that teens who worked got to save 10%, keep 10% and the rest went towards supporting their families. When the need was no longer there, they got to keep most of the $ they brought in but it was expected that they would take on one of the smaller household bills.
stacy