Teens home alone - How long and when?
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Teens home alone - How long and when?
| Fri, 02-24-2006 - 4:00pm |
I was just wondering when you think it would be appropriate to leave a teenager home alone for an extended period of time. I have a 17 year old who is very responsible and is asking to stay home alone while I take a business trip next week. I will be gone for five days. His father lives less than a mile away and I have an adult friend who has also agreed to check on him every day.
Thanks.

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I personally wouldn't do it and I truly believe that DD (17) has finally learned the importance of honesty, integrity, maturity, etec (at least as much as most 17 y/o's). I started to write maybe one or two nights, but I don't think I could even go there. When DD was 15, she went with her b/f to one of his friend's houses. The parents were out of town. DD lied to me about this. She called and wanted to stay the night over there. We talked to who we thought was the dad and agreed this one time. The dad was a could 22 hours away - we had talked to the son. Things just get too out of hand too quickly when there aren't adults in the house and I wouldn't put my child in that position. I'm sure this kid didn't plan to lie to me but his friends talked him into it.
I think I might just tell him he can stay home but needs to go to dad's in time for a reasonable bed time.
My first reaction was "no way!", but then I realized that was probably just a knee-jerk reaction to the thought of leaving one of *my* boys home alone. ;) When my older son was a senior in high school, I did leave him alone overnight when I had to go out-of-town. But that was only one night, and it was a school night. And I farmed his little brother out to my best friend.
It depends alot on your own kid, I think. One of ds18's friends used to stay alone with his little sister on occasion when his parents went out of town, and he did great. It just depends on the kid.
Personally, I don't think I would be comfortable with it, not for 5 days. Since this is a business trip, will the 5 days be weekdays or will it include a weekend? What does his father say about it? Does he have any reservations about it? Perhaps between the 3 of you, you could come up with some sort of compromise. Maybe like, 'you can stay home alone on the school nights, but you must stay with dad on the weekend.' Or something of that nature.
Five days is just a very long time, to me.
When I was 17 my parents went on a vacation and left me home alone for a week (my sister was married and lived a few blocks away). One Friday night I had some girlfriends over for a sleepover however news travelled fast throughout the high school and the next thing I knew I had about 150 kids coming to my door and it was "party central". I had to call the cops myself to get everyone out. They ruined my moms plants (poured beer in all of them) and had waterfights - making a mess of the entire house.
Nope, I wouldnt do it for the entire 5 days even if my kid was very responsible (like I was). Too many other factors get in the way. Like the other posts said, maybe one or two nights during the week then off to dad's or somewhere else on the weekend.
Here are my thoughts...
From the day I got my license at 16, my parents starting taking vacations without us. (myself and my younger brother).
One of the first times they were gone, they left the country for 10(?) days - and left 16 yo me in charge of my younger 14 yo brother. My brother has spina bifida, and some other issues - and all of the issues complicated together mean that when he gets even the smallest infection - he gets really sick. He has a hard time walking and gets really, really weak. Well, he got sick during this vacation of my parent's. My parents had left me a 'our daughter is in charge and able to make decisions as we would' note - so I brought it to the attendance office at our school. I had to let them know my brother wouldn't be in that day, and that I wanted a pass to leave over lunch to check on my brother.
My school *flipped out*. They were talking to each other, trying to get a hold of my parents, insisting they needed to find us somewhere else to stay, etc, etc. I was almost afraid they were going to call DCFS. The schools reaction is the only reason I would be hesitant to leave a responsible teen home alone for days at a time.
My parents always came home to a clean house, and no bad reports from the neighbors (we weren't dumb enough to mess up our home alone privledge, lol). I think it helped that I had my little bro to take care of - it forced me to be a bit more responsible - though at times, I think I took 'too much' care of him. The one night I had to work, I left him a $20, and the phone number to the pizza place. I came home at like, 10:00 to my brother in tears because he was hungry, and didn't know how to order a pizza, lol.
anyway, with appropriate rules, a bit of structure and lots of trust - I think it would be fine. (especially with his dad so close) If he is ready for it, it will probably even be a good thing.
~Becca
The first time I left my kids home alone for more than over night, DSs were 18, next ds was 15 and DD was 12.
It depends more on "his friends" than how mature he is.
For example, my sister went away from her husband for a weekend & left her 17-year-old son
home. She told him that he was allowed a friend or two over, on Saturday night, but she wanted him to stay in. Nephew asked "X" over to share a pizza. "X" mentioned,in passing, to "Y" and "Z" that my sister & husband were away. "X" came and 30-minutes latter, "Y" and "Z" dropped by. Unfortunately, "Z" knows kids that are "not so responsible". Soon these friends of "Z" showed up and "Z" let them in,before nephew could intervene. The word got out that there was a "party" at a house where there were no parents. Before nephew knew it the house was full of people he didn't know who were drinking and trashing the place.
Nephew ended up calling the police because these strangers would not leave. Needless to say, my sister was furious.
We're going away on a cruise next week for 7 nights, which means we will mostly be unavailable most of the week while at sea. My 18 dd, who is very responsible, will be staying home alone. We have arranged for my close friend to be the 1st emergency contact. My dd will call her every other day and check in. My sister is the 2nd emergency contact and my neighbor across the street is the 3rd emergency contact merely because he is so close in proximity - if she needs someone in a pinch, he's right there, but he's a little older and I didn't want to bug him with overseeing our home while we're gone.
DD isn't really a partier, but she is allowed to have a couple of friends over on the Friday before we return because it's her ONE gf's birthday - my friend will be stopping by to check up and make sure that everything is good and under control. DD doesn't have a large circle of friends so it will only be around 6 kids total and they are all over 18. Also, a close family friend who is in dd's grade will be staying with her for part of the week and her BF will be staying the other part of the week. She will only be alone 2 nights total. She will be in charge of our 2 dogs, walking, feeding, etc., with the help of a neighborhood kid who is like another kid in our house; & getting the mail. She will be expected to go to school and her afterschool job, which I am confident she will do.
I trust her, she's proven herself to be responsible and can handle an emergency. We're leaving all our contact info and emergency numbers taped to a kitchen cabinet door by the phone, as well as a copy for my friend and neighbor.
If we were talking about my 16dd, it'd be a LONG time before I'd trust her to stay home alone and be responsible and able to handle an emergency - she is just not that kind of kid yet (I don't know that she ever will be to be honest).
It's just a matter of how much you trust your kid and what you think they are able to handle. Hope it works out for you.
Have fun on your cruise? What itinerary are you on?
Ironically, my parents left me and my older DB alone for a week when we were in high school so THEY could go on a cruise. It was a different world then, though, and me and DB were pretty responsible. Aside from my BF visiting more often than usual and staying much later than usual, it was pretty much business (school, pt jobs, etc.) as usual.
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