Teen's school apathy

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-05-2006
Teen's school apathy
25
Fri, 09-15-2006 - 10:26am


I'm concerned about my 15YO DD's lack of concern over schoolwork. It seems that if she thinks an assignment is boring or stupid, she simply refuses to do it. Her grades are suffering. She didn't do a science project due today, consequently is grounded over the weekend in order to complete that and some other missing assignments.

What has and hasn't worked in your households to encourage studying/schoolwork?

I'm kind of stumped. I can't force her to do the work, but she doesn't seem to care about the negative consequences. Do I shut down her social life until the grades pull up?

WWYD?

worriedma

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-17-2005
Sun, 09-17-2006 - 11:11pm

You may be right, but you should know that LD have different times in which they manifest themselves, according to the specialist we have just seen, and one of those times is in high school. FYI.

Also, if this girl as you states wants to be teacher, best not to let 2 years worth of bad grades and no extracurricular discourage her from her goal. That's what Jr. colleges are for.

I really don't understand some of the snootiness that surrounds some parents' attitude about jr. college.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999
Mon, 09-18-2006 - 7:20am

"I really don't understand some of the snootiness that surrounds some parents' attitude about jr. college."


Amen to that!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Mon, 09-18-2006 - 11:30am

I guess I shouldn't be so snooty about jr. college since I taught at one. Maybe that's why--I have absolutely no teacher training or qualifications, yet I was hired to teach night school. I taught 4 courses, then I gave up, because it really wasn't for me, although I believe (and got feedback from the students) that I did a good job. From the admin., it was like--here's the book, do whatever you want. I'm not saying that all the profs. there aren't qualified, but if you were going to be a full time prof., why would you teach for the low pay there unless you couldn't get hired anywhere else?

As for the students, I think the main reason a lot of them go to jr. college is financial, not that they are bad students. And in MA, there is an agreement that if someone gets a 2 yr degree from any of the community colleges, they will automatically be accepted to the state univ. and get their bachelor's from there, which I think is great. My nephew, who barely graduated from high school, is now in is 2nd year at a local college and he really likes it, so there is hope.

I just don't want to see my DSD limit her choices of where she can go to college by not doing well in high school. I also agree that where you go to college doesn't matter once you are on the job, but it might matter when you are trying to get that first job. I know that when I interview people, if they do well at a really competitive school, I would pick them over someone who went to a less prestigious school, if other things were equal. Of course, if you are at the bottom of your class at an Ivy Leage, that doesn't mean much.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-17-2005
Mon, 09-18-2006 - 11:56am

I can understand your attitude, given your experience. I don't know where you live, but that's not likely to happen where I live. One of our jr. colleges ranks 6th in the country, and has an excellent reputation. In addition, like you mentioned, their 2 year program virtually guarantees transfer into a UC school (what we call the 'snooty' schools around here).

I'm just saying there is more than one way. Yeah, it would be great if she were to take her grades seriously and not limit her choices, but unfortunately that has to be her motivation.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Mon, 09-18-2006 - 12:03pm

I agree that you can't motivate someone who doesn't care and she is the one who is going to pay later. Basically the jr. colleges (they call them "community colleges" now) have a reputation, right or wrong, as places where you go if you can't go anywhere else.

My DD has the opposite problem--she has good enough grades & SATs to get in to a really good school, but we don't have the money to pay for it. I think I'll start another discussion on that subject.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-17-2005
Mon, 09-18-2006 - 12:14pm

Yeah, it's sad that they gained that reputation in some areas, thus the snootiness surrounding them. The sad part is that many of these kids go there not because their grades are bad but b/c their parents can't afford to sacrifice their entire nest egg to send their kids to a prestigious university, or even a state one (if you have more than one kid, that is), as in your case. As the cost of universities become more and more prohibitive, maybe the pendulum will swing.

otoh, perhaps these kids will just have to work a little harder to get hired (thus lose the 'attitude' prevalent among kids with the degrees from the prestigious universities). Who knows, maybe that is a good thing in the long run and will build character. Again, I have to say it depends on the field they're looking to going into. If you want to be a police detective or a fire fighter, perhaps the degree/transfer from the commumnity college wouldn't be such a bad thing. If you want to be a dr., then we're talking something else entirely. kwim?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-05-2006
Mon, 09-18-2006 - 2:28pm

Thanks for the suggestions.

I'm happy to report that she was very diligent in finishing all the undone work over this weekend and even did a good job cleaning her room and her regular chores. I'm hoping she realized on her own that her attitude was only hurting herself and chose to change it for the future.

I've told her, like it or not, I'm monitoring the work and checking the teachers' websites for the assignments. Once she proves to me that she doesn't need it, my involvement will greatly diminish.

Good morning today.

Thanks all.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-05-2006
Mon, 09-18-2006 - 2:31pm

You're right, I've seen it backfire myself!

I agree, the occasional F might just be the "wake-up" call some kids need. My super-bright son failed sophomore algebra one semester due to laziness and had to repeat it. His grades improved greatly from that point. He scored extremely high on the SAT and got into the college of his choice.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-05-2006
Mon, 09-18-2006 - 2:37pm

Thanks for the been there, done that experience.

When I was a teenager, it would never have occurred to me NOT to do an assignment. I always had good grades, that was very important to me. So I can't quite understand her attitude.

That's kid of my dilemma, I don't want to hover too much and nag her into total indifference. I want her to see for herself the importance of doing the work and learning.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-05-2006
Mon, 09-18-2006 - 2:41pm

Thanks, Sue,

I did just that, agreed with her that the assignment was stupid, but that it still had to be done.

Most of the tasks adults have to do on a daily basis are boring and repetitive and beneath our skill set, but we do them anyway because we desire the outcome. Ie, I don't LIKE mowing the grass and it doesn't use much of my high IQ, but I desire the pleasure of a nicely kept yard.

Maturity...