Teens & Sex

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-14-2005
Teens & Sex
Sat, 01-05-2013 - 5:04pm

Just wondering what the thoughts were on teens and sex. Are you a parent with a no tolerance (abstinence only) policy, or more about sex ed? How much control do you believe parents have & are there any ages thrown around for teens losing virginity? I mean I know I wish my teen would wait til at least 18, married or beyond, but is this realistic?


iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2009
Thu, 01-10-2013 - 11:52pm

Oh Mahopac,

I didn’t think your thoughts were high-handed. I thought they were good comments that might be helpful to the original poster. Wish I had understood these points when I was a teen.

Faced with the situation, I’m certain you would handle it with grace and do just fine.

I agree with you on not wanting to know the details of my kids sex life. There are things I would like to know, like when did it start, but these thoughts entered my mind early on: Kimmy, would you really want to discuss your sex life with your mother? Uh . . . . NO!!! Would knowing any more details help in dealing with the situation at hand? Uh . . . . NO!!!  So why do it?

Least I sound like I think teen marriages are a good idea, let me say that I don’t. All six of us parents worry about the out years. And Rose and I have both expressed that worry. We all know of couples when they seperate saying something sucky like: We just grew apart.

So, you’re Pro-life, eh. GOD bless you!!! Both sides of our family are also.

A couple of years ago, the mother of a girl that our kids graduated with called me and wanted someone to talk with. Her daughter and the daughter’s BF were attending the two biggest state universities about 80 miles apart and they were in a family way. She was upset that her daughter would not even consider abortion and I thought: Lady, you came to the wrong person for support on that subject.

She said something about how could I have a pro-life child. I said, she may be pro-choice and her choice is life. And what you are expressing is not the pro-choice view because pro-choice means that the pregnant woman makes the choice, not the BF, not her parents, not the BFs parents, not the screaming protester with a sign on the street in front of the abortion clinic, nor anybody else other than the pregnant woman.

I took her over to the graveyard near our home where on many occasions I had spotted balloons floating over a headstone until I took the time to take a look one day. She was seventeen when she died. I have no clue what killed her, maybe cancer, cystic fibrosis, auto accident, drug overdose, suicide. Who knows? What I do know is she was greatly loved and is greatly missed by those who loved her. And her parents would love to have had a pregnant teen rather than a place to leave balloons.

I reminded this mother that she and her hubby have a very large, mostly empty, home. My suggestion to her was to go home, make plans for a wedding, move the breakables to the top shelf, make a place for her daughter, soon to be SIL, their first grandchild, and be grateful that they can all watch the little stranger (baby) enjoy the marvel of helium filled balloons. She and I go grab a bite to eat every few months—two old grannys watching their grandkids while the young parents are attending evening classes.




Avatar for mahopac
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-1997
Mon, 01-14-2013 - 3:47pm

Awww, Kimmy, I didn't see this until today, thanks to iVillage's technical problems.  Beautifully said!

I will tell you that my political feelings about abortion are unclear.  I am not 100% certain, as many others are, that my beliefs about when life begins should shape public policy that affects 300 million other Americans.  But I do know what I feel in my heart and share with others, which is that every life has meaning, whether that life is that of an unborn baby, an elderly person, a severely handicapped person, a soldier, a terrorist, or a serial killer, and no one's life is worth more or less than anyone else's.  Lots of people can agree on the baby part, not so many about the terrorist or serial killer.

DH groans facetiously all the time about all the work our kids are, and boy he can't wait until he doesn't have to take care of them all the time, but they know he's kidding.  They can also see by the way he is constantly charmed by small children and our beagle-pug mix dogs how much he truly enjoys taking care of small things.  They know they could always count on us.

Oh, and 18yo DD says she and her friends agree that I will be a "cute" grandma someday!  She says it's because I still get so excited over everything.  Glad to know the kids don't think I'm jaded. ;)

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2011
Sun, 01-27-2013 - 7:35am

When I was a teenager myself (in the late '70s - early '80s), the "right" age to start having sex was considered to be 16.  In fact, even the name (translated to English) of the most popular sex-ed book at the time was "16 or so".  The age of consent was 14 at the time, but starting that early was extremely unusual.

Today, things seem to have changed a bit.  The age of consent was changed to 15, but teenagers seem to mature earlier, and having sex at 14 or 15 much more common than it used to be. 

One thing has not changed over here, however - the idea of "waiting until marriage" is still considered as absurd as it was 30 years ago.