Teens & Sex

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-14-2005
Teens & Sex
13
Sat, 01-05-2013 - 5:04pm

Just wondering what the thoughts were on teens and sex. Are you a parent with a no tolerance (abstinence only) policy, or more about sex ed? How much control do you believe parents have & are there any ages thrown around for teens losing virginity? I mean I know I wish my teen would wait til at least 18, married or beyond, but is this realistic?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2001
Sun, 01-06-2013 - 8:40am

I'm just going to say, yup to both Ash and Music.

Profound, I know!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Sat, 01-05-2013 - 10:09pm

I am not knocking anyone who tells their kids that they should just wait until marriage, whether for religious reasons or whatever.  I do agree w/ ashmama that there are a bunch of reasons why waiting is better.  I was not one of those people, however.  First of all, my parents certainly were "old school" where you should wait until marriage--I didn't and I also was never able to talk to my parents about sex.  I actually didn't have sex until I was 21 and in college and I was responsible enough to get b/c but again, because I knew my mother would disapprove, I would just never have talked to her about any of it.

With my kids (23 & 17) I wanted a more open relationship.  What I've tried to convey is that I do hope they wait until they are in a serious relationship.  Well I have to say that we passed that step w/ the 23 yr old DD, who I know has had sex--she actually asked me to take her to the dr. & get her on the pill when she was in college.  She had 2 relationships while in college--the 2nd guy has lasted 2 yrs but they are now long distance.  I know she wouldn't be the type to just sleep around with anyone--she does respect herself.  When my son (the 17 yr old now) was a young teen, we used to discuss the many reasons there were for waiting.  I'd point out to him things like for boys, if the girl gets pregnant, the boy doesn't have a choice whether she has a baby, he'll have to pay child support, etc.

Do I think parents really have any control?  No, not really.  What I think they do have is influence.  I think if you talk to your kids and present your view of morality in a way that is a conversation and not just lecturing them, some of it does sink in.  It's difficult because I think they live in a culture that's full of casual sex.  I also think that a lot of waiting is tied to self respect and self esteem.  I think that kids who have a good image of themselves, and good family relationships are more likely to wait and not sleep around to gain acceptance.  I also think that there are times when the parents do everything right but the kids do what they want anyway.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-1998
Sat, 01-05-2013 - 8:30pm

My personal view is that while it isn't easy or realistic to wait until marriage, it is the right thing to do, and this is what we are teaching our teens. From an emotional (fewer complications), spiritual (this is God's best plan),and physical (no chance of STD or unwanted pregnancy) perspective, waiting is ideal. But most people do not believe this way, so the odds are against those who try. Therefore, we've discussed birth control and safe sex, and their high school also teaches these things, while advocating abstinence.

My kids know that they can talk to me about sexuality and other issues, and that I'm not their judge when it comes to the choices they make.

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