teens & smoking

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2002
teens & smoking
33
Thu, 04-27-2006 - 6:55pm
If you know your teen is smoking under the age of 18, do you forbid them to smoke, or just give permission & rather he/she does it in front of you then behind your back ?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-01-2003
Thu, 04-27-2006 - 7:02pm
NO, and I would not give my child permission to ingest any other poison either!
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2000
Thu, 04-27-2006 - 8:35pm

Depending on how old your child is - I don't know if you can actually 'forbid' it.

Pam
Avatar for heartsandroses2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 04-28-2006 - 9:01am

My 16dd smokes. I don't supply her with money or cigarettes. My only rules are that she smoke outside - no smoking in my house - and clean up her butts and wash her hands and brush her teeth after.

At 15/16, personally, I think 'forbidding' is only going to cause more grief than it's worth. There will always be strife between you because he/she will always be trying to hide it and resent you and you will always be suspicious and angry when you learn that he's smoked.

We've all taught our kids about the dangers and grossness of smoking in general. I continue to teach that, even though I know dd is smoking. It's in the news, we know people who have died as a direct result of smoking. In my dd's case, I really don't think that she will be a lifelong smoker. I think it's just part of her personality to live on the edge. I've learned over the years that no matter that I raised both my dd's the same, they each have thier own distinct personalities and there's not much I can do other than continue to support and guide them in the right direction. My 18dd never smoked - hates it in fact. She even lectures her sister on how disgusting she finds it.

IMO, at 16, there are bigger battles than smoking cigarettes. You can make some ground rules....no smoking on your property or only smoking behind the shed, pick up your butts, brush your teeth after you smoke so you don't reek up the house, etc. Most of the people I know who started smoking at around 15 all stopped when they started having families and never went back. In fact, I can't even think of anyone I hang out with who smokes anymore...thier kids have all tried it and maybe occasionally they have one when they are out socially, but none are habitual smokers.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-20-2005
Fri, 04-28-2006 - 9:40am

I would so forbid this! When DH started smoking after we were married, I forbid him to do it in my home, car or in my presence. When I was 12 I watched my one god-father die from lung-cancer. The day before he day, he had his wife remove his oxygen tank so he could smoke. He never missed a cigarette after a meal. At 15 I watched the paramedics take my mom to hospital b/c she had a coughing fit in the shower, slipped and fell. She was unconcious for a few minutes. Nothing serious but still scary to a 15 y/o. Mom quit smoking that day. I watched her struggle to give up that addiction. She now has severe asthma and her outside activities, such as gardening, are severly limited. She rarely gets to watch my DD play softball.

I've stressed to my kids that smoking is one thing I never tried - nope, not once. I'm very proud of that. They both think that's pretty cool and so far neither of them have done it either. I'm very proud of that for them. They both want to be able to say that honestly to their kids.

Avatar for audreyoka
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 04-28-2006 - 10:13am

What a great question. When I was 15, I told my parents I wanted to smoke at home. They said no. I smoked anyway. A year later they said I could smoke at home. (my mom smoked). It wasn't until I was a mom that I quit and I have to say it is probably the hardest thing in the world to quit. Neither of my kids have any desire to smoke. I'm really not sure what causes kids to want to smoke in this day and age, but both of my girls have friends who smoke. For those who said they would forbid smoking at home, do you have rules if they are caught smoking somewhere else, or if you find cigarettes in their posession?

Audrey :)
http://www.scrapping-made-simple.com

Avatar for heartsandroses2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 04-28-2006 - 10:21am

My H retells a story about when he was a teen and his father suspected him of smoking....

His father yelled at him, "If I catch you smoking, I will break your arm"

Okay, yeah, that makes sense. ☺

I too am interested to those who would forbid smoking, what are the consequences if you find our your teen has smoked or is smoking? I mean, really, what will you do? Ground them? Take away thier cell phone? Restrict thier outings? Like Pam said, you can't be with your teen 24/7, so even if you forbid it at home, when they aren't with you, if they truly want to smoke, they will.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2006
Fri, 04-28-2006 - 10:23am

The truth is, under the age of 18, it's illegal. IF your DD wanted a beer at 16 or 17, would you allow it in the home knowing the legal age is 21? The answer to both here in our home would be no.

Growing up I had a friend who was caught smoking by her parents. I will never forget her telling us they made her sit down in front of them and smoke an ENTIRE pack, chain smoking and how sick she was! She never touched another in her life.

To forbid we can do, but must realize teens push the limit and some will try or experiment with things we might not agree with, but that doesn't mean we as parents should allow it knowing it's wrong.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Fri, 04-28-2006 - 11:09am
Well, I've read in several parenting books that you should just set the groundrules- not try to make them stop smoking, but tell them not to do it in your home, etc. What I DON'T get is how that really keeps it out of your home. I'm sorry, but smokers stink. They bring that smell in on their clothes and in their hair, and it permeates the whole house. I know when I work a fundraising bingo, I practically have to strip at the door and boil my clothes. Also, all FOUR of my children's grandparents died young (in their early fifties) of smoking related illnesses, so I feel pretty strong about it. (My 12 year old once asked my husband if it is true that smoking is bad for you...he said "yes it is, because if I catch you doing it, I'll kill you myself! ;-) So I guess my answer is that I WOULD do absolutely everything in my power to prevent/forbid it. Here's a novel idea an aquaintance used on their kids...he promised them each $1000 if they could make it to their 18th birthdays without ever touching a cigarette!
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2004
Fri, 04-28-2006 - 1:07pm

In our house, smoking is a big NO. It is a highly addictive drug that has been proven,time and again, to be harmful for one's health. Even short-term smoking is harmful. It is also illegal for someone under 19 to buy cigarettes.

Smoking is not a battle I have to worry about with my two. Both HATE the smell of cigarettes
and suffer from mild asthma. They get rather "p*ssed off" when someone smokes infront of them or near them because the second-hand smoke can cause them respiratory distress.

Fortunately, here we have strict anti-smoking laws in public places. And smoking is increasing considered unacceptable behaviour. The kids at school who smoke are not considered "cool".

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2002
Fri, 04-28-2006 - 2:24pm
I don't smoke but my husband does. I don't supply her with $ for cigarettes. My husband has her do work around the house to earn her $ to smoke. We let her smoke because she will do it behind our backs anyway. Teens think it's a cool thing & it makes them feel older. When shes older & had health issues from this it will be her own fault. Even if we told her no smoking in the house or in front of us she would do it some place else.

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