Teens who lie and the lies they lie abou

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-29-2003
Teens who lie and the lies they lie abou
8
Fri, 10-31-2003 - 6:30pm
Al Franken's Book - sorry the exact title alludes me - Liars and the lies they Lie about?

describes the teens I have had to deal with lately.

Classic scenario

"Mom, I'm going to a movie." (right)

The Gang is going ( a gang of 2?)

We might go out for a pizza afterwards (pizza and ???)

I'll be home early (HA!)

The other moms are all letting their kids go.

Its a PG13 movie - really! I love Nemo!

None of the other moms call to see who is going - driving - picking up - chaperoning

So I recount this to friends who all agree - Teens lie....

big lies, little lies, white lies - red white and blue lies -

And no, Bill Clinton didn't teach them this...

but, what do you do?! Look the other way?

Embed a chip?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999
Sat, 11-01-2003 - 6:02am
LOL! Cute! If you ever find anyone who'll imbed that chip, let me know! ;-)
Avatar for elc11
Community Leader
Registered: 06-16-1998
Sat, 11-01-2003 - 9:56am
Chain them to the bedpost?

About a year ago (when we were having lots of problems with a lying teen) I heard that you could get a cell phone with GPS built in. If the cost hadn't been so prohibitive I would've bought one! Of course that still doesn't tell you what they are doing once they get to where they're not supposed to be...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 11-03-2003 - 1:29pm
I catch my teen in a lie, I take away his allowance. Last week he lied about the stupidest thing. I asked him if he practiced his piano, or guitar, I forget which. He said he had. I knew that he hadn't because the music was in the exact same spot. I saved myself 8 bucks this week. I told him he should lie more often.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2003
Sun, 11-16-2003 - 5:17am
hmmmm maybe your teen lies...my daughter knows better than to lie to me...why? Because she can tell me the truth. She knows she doesn't have to make up a story.

"Mom, I'm going to a movie." (ok)

"Mom, I'm going out with ?" (ok)

"Mom I'm sexually active." (ok, I hope you're using protection)

"I'll be home by 1:00 am" (ok, my daughter is almost 18)

My daughter has been watching r rated movies since she was small...I'm the one who has taken her to most of them.

My daughter has never had the need to lie...even when she first started dating...by the way she isn't sexually active, doesn't drink, smoke, or do drugs yes I know because she would tell me...and I wouldn't throw a fit. That is WHY she can tell me the truth.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-19-2003
Wed, 11-19-2003 - 2:58pm
Yeah - I had one of those too. I also have one that went through a spell that she would just as soon lie to me as tell me the truth about anything. I'm the same mom and her dad's the same dad. It's just a difference in the child - they are not all that easy!
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-15-2003
Mon, 12-15-2003 - 11:30pm
It sounds like your daughter really had no standards to live up to. By not setting any boundries and pretty much sounding like your daughters best friend rather than a parent that is there to guide, you seem to think by being so compliant you did her some favors, well most good parents will disagree. I am assuming your daughter made all the right decisions without you telling her you did not approve of certain things. Well for most of us caring parents and ones that have a certain moral code we ask of our kids, I have to say your approach seems naive and dangerous. I will not lower my standards to my teen daughter, she will have to rise to my husbands and my standards. It is not asking too much of living within the boundries of certain rules like dating, driving and hanging out with friends. If parents live by their own standards the teen should have no excuse to be so disrespectful and lie. I teach high schoolers and you are a fool if you think you have her figured out so easily. Teens let their parents only know so much the rest is a matter of how much they really respect their parents. I have a question, were you comfortable watching sex scenes and sexual content with your child on the movie screen? How would you feel watching sex scenes with people you admired and respected and looked to for moral guidence?
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2003
Tue, 12-16-2003 - 2:59pm
My daughters boyfriend doesn't have any rules to speak of either. It sure makes it hard on my daughter. His mother tells him that he should respect our rules, but he doesn't. I love this kid. I mean he and I can talk about anything. I trust that his love for my daughter is real, but I think they are headed for trouble in the long run. Our families are just so different. His mother tells me that she absolutely trusts her children completely. She say's that her daughters are still virgins and that some sort of proof that her system works. She allows them to do pretty much anything they want, body piercings, late nights out, etc. One night recently my daughter and her boyfriend tried to sneak out together. He was out with friends and he came over here. I sleep very lightly and in fact was laying in bed praying. I heard a slight noise and got up to check. She was taking the dog outside at 11PM. I figured that had to be a mistake. This girl would not be taking him out. So I said ok, pretended to be going back to bed and promptly went out the other door and met her out front and found him out there just as I had suspected. I told his mother what he had done and she talked to him reasonably as she always does. All that really happened is he didn't get any real reinforcement from his mother, he doesn't really understand why I don't think it's appropriate. My daughter say's she won't try it again, because she knows I will always find out. I think the problem will become evident some time in the future. I believe my daughters will grow up and end up parenting just like I do even though they might not think so now. I see evidence every day that my girls are more like me than I ever knew. Someday in the future these two kids are going to be parents and fighting over how to parent.

Suzi

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-20-2003
Tue, 12-16-2003 - 5:20pm
what do you do?! Look the other way?

Embed a chip?

>>

Trust them and believe them unless I catch them in a lie. Trust that if they *do lie and I don't catch them, it's not really something I needed to know. I really do believe that a certain amount of "ignorance *is bliss" is a good thing when dealing with teens. They are going to make mistakes, and then hopefully learn from them. It's how they grow up. I don't think we really need to know EVERYTHING.