Thanksgiving and teenager's boyfriend???? HELP

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-14-2007
Thanksgiving and teenager's boyfriend???? HELP
15
Mon, 11-21-2011 - 8:08am

Hello,

My daughter, age 15, has been dating her boyfriend 4 months this Thursday, and insists I had agreed to let her boyfriend spend Thanksgiving with us and our extended family.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-14-2007
AGGGHHHHH!!!!! My daughter just sent me a text informing that she is going home with her boyfriend after school. What to do????
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2001

I think it's time to practice saying "NO!"

As she left for school this morning, she told me she is going over his house or if he comes over our house, there will be a sleep over and there is nothing I can do about it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-14-2007
Thank you. I thought so, too, that they are trying to pull something over me. What you wrote is the way the way I am feeling. just not trusting my judgement right now.
Avatar for brwnid_grl
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-03-2003

Personally, I am totally against sleep overs.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-14-2007
Thank you. You seem like a great mother, all of you do. (((HUGS)))
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2000

I'm with the other two here - we never allowed coed sleepovers when the boys were teens. The fact that your dd is announcing what she is and isn't going to do lends me to believe she thinks she makes the rules. It's not too late to step in and say 'no'. I'd definitely call the other parents today and let them know it is NOT okay for your dd to stay over. And I'd go one step further and be at the school when school lets out to pick her up and take her back to your house. If his parents are as strict as you say I'd be very surprised if they are OK with the sleepover. He may have told his folks that he's staying at your house when in reality they plan to go off somewhere for the night. As for Thanksgiving - you certainly have every right to say 'Billy can come over for dessert from 5-7 but other than that it's family time.'

Pam
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2001

I like the idea of meeting her at school and bringing her home.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-14-2007
Hi Pam. You had also responded to my help with this same daughter and cutting herself. Do you think she is still playing with my emotions and trying to be in control because she knows I'm afraid of upsetting her? I have been doing better at standing my ground and saying "no" to her since then, yet I'm still doubting my judgement, as you can tell, with certain situations with her. I want to be a good parent and at the same time not upset her to a point where she would cut herself again.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2001

My dd#1 isn't a cutter, but she does have an anxiety disorder.

Avatar for turtletime
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-1998

I was up for him coming over Thanksgiving (that's usually a big positive) but once I got to the "there is nothing you can do about it" she lost my support. Sorry, She's 15. She doesn't get to TELL you she's sleeping over at a boyfriends house or he's sleeping over at yours. No go. She want's to be respectful, be polite, be honest... you can work with that. Demanding her little minor self have adult rights... nope.

So, a mannered teenager with a boyfriend, certainly invite the boy over if he's not preoccupied with his own family. A teenager insisting you are agreeing to things you have no memory of? No. I certainly wouldn't allow a sleepover no matter how comfortable you are if she's not being truthful and nasty to boot!

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