Thanksgiving...Family or Sports???

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-05-2004
Thanksgiving...Family or Sports???
26
Sat, 11-04-2006 - 12:35pm

HELP!!! My teenager is on the school basketball team. The coach says practices
are mandatory over Thanksgiving, except for Thanksgiving Day and the Sunday following.

Our immediate family wants to visit my husband's parents who live several hundred
miles away.

We can't drive due to time restraints. We want to fly and we want teen to come along
but if teen misses any practices, teen will be severely punished by BB coach.

Teen does not want to go see grandparents because of this.

Grandparents are getting old.

WHAT DO WE DO?
My goal: to make everyone happy. I can't. Either GP are going to be upset, and
teen's father and the family or the coach. HELP! I am really torn about this.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-07-2005
Sat, 11-04-2006 - 1:39pm

Have you talked to the BB coach personally?

If it were me, I'd visit the grandparents... there's been a death in my family recently, and there's no replacement for the kids getting to see their elders while there's still time.

And I'd try to teach a kid that there are more important things than BB.

zz

Avatar for kel7col4
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 11-04-2006 - 2:03pm

I agree with check with the coach/school. I know our school sports program allows for family trips to be a reason to miss games/practice. DD is a cheerleader and we are kinda having the same issue, but not over Thanksgiving but Christmas. I want to go visit my parents for a few weeks and with her schedule of school/cheering it's just not possible.

Anyway, look at the regulations (I know with cheering dd and I both had to sign something that listed out all the expectations) and check with the school to see where they stand.




iVillage Member
Registered: 08-05-2004
Sat, 11-04-2006 - 2:25pm

HI! I appreciate your response.

I have already talked to the coach.

The practices are MANDATORY.

My question is, do I ignore him and do what I want to do & go ahead & make
teen come along for the trip or what???

Thanks again..............

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2000
Sat, 11-04-2006 - 7:01pm
IMO family is SEVERAL levels above high school sports.
Pam
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-18-2005
Sat, 11-04-2006 - 7:36pm

First off - hugs to you - this is a tough situation!

Second - one thing that struck me in your post is that *you* are the one who wants to make everyone happy. I can sooooo relate to that feeling - and have recently had more peace in realizing that sometimes someone is going to be unhappy - it's not easy for me, but I try. What does your DH say? If he's the one who's insisting that your teen go with you, let him be the one who lays down the law. OTOH, if your DH supports your teen, he's the one who should talk to his parents....not letting you get caught in the middle. Or, even better, let teen explain the decision to his GPs. Not as a punishment, but as living with the outcomes of your decisions.

I am all for family over sports - I've often thought that HS sports is over-intense. BUT, this seems like a time when there could be a compromise - can DS fly back early, or fly out late? Can he miss Thanksgiving, and go another weekend? You don't say how old your DS is, but maybe he can figure out the middle ground and propose it to you...a good exercise in family and decision making.

I *know* there's alot of emotion tied to Thanksgiving Day, but if you put that aside, would it be so terrible if he went to visit GP's another day?

Sue

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2004
Sat, 11-04-2006 - 11:45pm
High school sports can just chap my butt sometimes.. (pardon the expression)..
Sometimes coaches get entirely wrapped up in their own little world and forget this is HIGH SCHOOL, with a lot of other priorities and responsibilities, much outside the control of the teen.
Personally, if I were you I’d take this guy on. Somebody’s gotta do it.
Teenagers don’t have the right to control how holiday time is spent. Coaches don’t have that right vicariously through their players. It therefore follows that if a coach intends on “punishing” my teen for a decision that I make, it would be wise of him to re-think that position. I’m curious just what “punishment” he has in mind.
A commitment to the sport is important. That commitment is reserved for the school year. Family time is important. Grandparents are not around forever.
I’d tell the jack-ass that first, your son is quite committed to participating in all practices that take place during the school year. Second, YOU have decided that your son will not be in town. Third, because of this mandate of the coach your son is not being very pleasant about it. And fourth, you would like to know specifically what the coach has in mind regarding the ramifications of YOUR decision.
High school coaches have no right to gridlock your vacation time. Sheesh…This guy is out of line.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999
Sun, 11-05-2006 - 10:22am

Amen Daddioe!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2006
Sun, 11-05-2006 - 10:38am

Brilliant daddio! DD isn't especially athletic and DS still in middle school, so I don't have those worries and issues with my own kiddos.

However, this reminds me of a story of DH and his tennis career in hs...

Coach told all tennis team members that to continue to play on the team the next school year, they each had to play in X number of tournaments over the summer. Both MIL and FIL were teachers/administrators in the school district and since they had summers and holidays off, they took their family travelling and camping all over the US every school break.

One summer, DH was not able to fulfill his tournament obligation due to this family camping/travelling tradition. When he returned to school, coach told DH he was no longer on the tennis team, even though FIL had explained to coach their family travel schedule, was a teacher right along with him and DH DID play tennis every chance he got.

I'm not sure what the exact details are, but some sort of arrangement was made whereby DH had to play every member of the team and depending on the outcome of the matches, MIGHT be allowed to play on the team again.

Well ... DH went and BEAT every single player on that team and when coach told him 'congratulations, you're back on the team', DH handed coach his racquet, said 'I quit' and walked away...

 

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 11-05-2006 - 10:46am

He'll have to sit out a game or two if he misses, correct?

Not the end of the world unless hes a senior being scouted for college at those games.

If it means a college scholarship, I think the grandparents would understand. If thats not the case(coach MIGHT treat him differently doesnt count), go and enjoy the grandparents while they are still around

JMO

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2004
Sun, 11-05-2006 - 12:14pm

lol..Rose.. That was a soapbox?
Then my post must be downright sudsy..
Kind of a hot button for me. I've tried to pound into the kids heads to own their own crap. No excuses, whining or back pedaling. So if "coach ballbricker" intends to whack them for my decision, I can't very well sit back and give the shrug. That would be hypocritical.
Maybe I could do laps for coach...

Congrats to your DS that proved the "out of shape" line is simply translated to "I'm punishing you because you weren't here."
2 weeks of army basic training leaves them out of shape compared to his teammates????
lol..

In the pros, players miss games due to fighting and drug convictions.
Lets apply the same punishment in HS because "Dad says were going to visit Grandma." (groan)...

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