Thanksgiving...Family or Sports???

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-05-2004
Thanksgiving...Family or Sports???
26
Sat, 11-04-2006 - 12:35pm

HELP!!! My teenager is on the school basketball team. The coach says practices
are mandatory over Thanksgiving, except for Thanksgiving Day and the Sunday following.

Our immediate family wants to visit my husband's parents who live several hundred
miles away.

We can't drive due to time restraints. We want to fly and we want teen to come along
but if teen misses any practices, teen will be severely punished by BB coach.

Teen does not want to go see grandparents because of this.

Grandparents are getting old.

WHAT DO WE DO?
My goal: to make everyone happy. I can't. Either GP are going to be upset, and
teen's father and the family or the coach. HELP! I am really torn about this.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Sun, 11-05-2006 - 12:15pm
If the coach can't be reasonable, then yes, I do think you should still make your teen go. After all, in the grand scheme of life, he's going to REGRET not seeing his grandparents more. He may be angry and upset now about the basketball practices and how it may impact him being on the team, but that is NOT the kind of thing that is going to bring guilt and sorrow at a later date!
And I WOULD go higher up the food chain on this. As someone else said, a teen is still a child and can't dictate to his family how they spend their holidays - and therefore should not be punished for something he had no control over! I teach in a high school, and our coaches would NEVER do any such thing. Heck - they'd probably want to be with their OWN families on the holiday weekend anyway!
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2004
Sun, 11-05-2006 - 12:17pm
Great story!
It's so sad it had to come to that.
Kudos to DH for taking the high road on a ridiculous excersise!
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-26-2005
Sun, 11-05-2006 - 6:27pm

the advice you have gotten so far is old school...and not in a good way...in an out of date way.

my guess is it comes from folks who came from a generation where the extended family was closer than it generally is now. there seems to be this assumption on the part of those who have replied that the grandparents are somehow important in this kids life. in todays world i don't understand such assumptions.

if these grandparents have haven't been there for this kid, then i don't know why people should feel there is any obligation for him to make this trip. how many of his basketball games have these folks been to over the years?

you don't say that your son want's to make the trip. i'd guess he probably doesn't, but you could probably make all this work by flying him out on wednesday after practice and getting him back in time for practice on friday.

if you don't think it's worth the expense to fly him out for just one day - then you need to question how important it really is for him to be there at all.

he's made a comittment to his coach and his team and he should do all he can to honor that committment.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-07-2005
Sun, 11-05-2006 - 6:57pm

<<

my guess is it comes from folks who came from a generation where the extended family was closer than it generally is now.>>>

Just curious, does that mean you're a good bit younger than most of us posters (who are pretty much from the same generation)?

zz

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999
Mon, 11-06-2006 - 7:58am
Or maybe the advice comes from people who really DO live in very close extended families?
Avatar for suzyk2118
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-30-1997
Mon, 11-06-2006 - 10:34am

ITA, Rose, and I'm in the somewhat parallel situation in that my boss emailed our 'team' that we are being asked to work mandatory weekends now through Christmas; we're design engineers working on a project with an unrealistic deadline via management (no OT, no comp time, etc.; just expected of us). My parents, now in their mid 80s, are 300 miles away. I'm an only child. DH, ds and I go up to help them with normal chores, winterizing, etc., and have already promised to come up for both upcoming holidays, prior to this email. I will NOT sacrifice this for Thanksgiving (their 61st anniversary, BTW) and Christmas. It's not worth it to me; family does come first. And if I have to tell that to my boss, so be it. I hope to be tactful, but I hope he'll be realistic...

Sue

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-07-2005
Mon, 11-06-2006 - 10:49am

I once had a boss tell me I couldn't go to a relative's funeral because it was a first cousin and therefore not closely enough related. I explained calmly that I was going and I'd see him the next day. He said I'd be fired. I said "whatever you think you should do" and walked out.

I showed up at work anyway and he never said another word about it.

<<>>

I hope so, too. Good luck girl.

zz

Avatar for heartsandroses2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 11-06-2006 - 11:11am

I personally would call the coach and/or principal and demand a meeting or sorts, whether via phone or in person.

The coach has no right to penalize your son for missing practices due to circumstances outside of his control.

IMO, Family comes first waaaaaaay above school related sports. I've always hated that coaches carry on with practices and games over holiday weekends. We've missed quite a few and because I spoke with the coach prior, neither of my dds' have ever been penalized.

You know, with all this talk about about bringing families together and the importance of making famiily a priority, you would think that school districts would realize that it's unreasonable to hold normal practice and games over holiday weekends or breaks. It just makes my blood boil that kids are penalized for spending quality time with thier family.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-05-2004
Mon, 11-06-2006 - 11:47am

Hi! I wrote the original question and I just want to tell each and every one of you how much I sincerely appreciate it that you took the time to tell me your thoughts and feelings.

I have read each and every one.

We have not made a decision on how to handle this yet but I did want to update
you on a few points:

The basketball player's grandparents are the only ones left. (My parents both passed away.)

My kids are the GP's ONLY grandchildren.

We see then 1-2 times a year due to distance.

Basketball player will not get a big school scholarship and thus will not play BB in college. (Small school scholarships are highly likely but kid does not want small college!)

BB player LOVES and LIVES for basketball and wants to do BOTH! (Stay here to practice AND go see relatives). BB player is torn and upset and doesn't know what to do either.

I already bought the plane tickets.........they are very difficult to come by at Thanksgiving and get more $ every day; I bought them in Sept., thinking that
school would be closed for the holiday weekend AND kid would only miss 1-2 practices.
In fact, they are so $, we have to drive 4 hours to get to a major hub airport to fly from there because our own city is too $ to fly from.

I absolutely agree..........all state athletic boards should FORBID team practices
over Thanksgiving and limit practices over Christmas.......then all teams would be
on equal ground........

I do feel like I understand how the coach feels because if he lets my kid off, he is going to have an entire season of whining kids and parents making excuses, etc....

Due to injuries, my kid is in the coaches top 5 players.........and if my kid chooses NOT TO GO on the vacation, likely will START every game the entire season.
Otherwise, ????? May not start once! May not play much either.

I feel like if kid is that good of an overall athlete, then kid will be able to make it up. It's not even missing games.....just 4 practices.

????????? Please continue to respond....I appreciate it....

THANKS! :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Mon, 11-06-2006 - 12:06pm
I really like your response here. I can see a coach saying that practices are "mandatory" during the school year as opposed to hanging around /w your friends goofing off, or even that if you get a part-time job, it shouldn't interfere w/ practice. However, this is a school vacation time and it is beyond obvious that a lot of families go away for Thanksgiving. I believe that at my DD's school, there are no practices on vacations. When she did track, a group still got together to run, but it wasn't an "official" practice. The only exception I would think is maybe if you had the championship game in a week, you would really need that last minute practice and then I would see how it would be important. But, if it's the beginning of the season, missing 2 practices isn't going to kill the kids. BTW, are any other families in the same boat? I would check w/ them and maybe complaing to the principal as a group. Then this son wouldn't be singled out. Otherwise, it puts him in the difficult position of maybe having the coach on his back for the rest of the season, even if the parents insist that they made the boy go to his grandparents.