Thanksgiving...Family or Sports???

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-05-2004
Thanksgiving...Family or Sports???
26
Sat, 11-04-2006 - 12:35pm

HELP!!! My teenager is on the school basketball team. The coach says practices
are mandatory over Thanksgiving, except for Thanksgiving Day and the Sunday following.

Our immediate family wants to visit my husband's parents who live several hundred
miles away.

We can't drive due to time restraints. We want to fly and we want teen to come along
but if teen misses any practices, teen will be severely punished by BB coach.

Teen does not want to go see grandparents because of this.

Grandparents are getting old.

WHAT DO WE DO?
My goal: to make everyone happy. I can't. Either GP are going to be upset, and
teen's father and the family or the coach. HELP! I am really torn about this.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Mon, 11-06-2006 - 12:16pm
Based on the facts that you have given here--that your family only sees the GPs 1-2 times a year, that you bought the tickets way in advance and that you spent many $$s to go, I would make your son go. I would also write a letter to the coach detailing that it is your decision (maybe w/ a copy to the principal) and that you hope he will not penalize son for going and spelling out those reasons. If the coach is still that stupid that he won't start one of the best players because of this, who is he punishing? himself and the rest of the team and school, just because of a power trip. You might put in the letter that you are sorry and understand his reasons for wanting everyone there, etc. but this is just one of those extenuating circumstances beyond son's control. Good luck.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 11-06-2006 - 12:59pm

Also, is it possible the coach truly isnt thinking this through?

I think young childless teachers and coaches truly dont get it at times. I have known parents to provide them with 'ah-ha' moments on how much time families have for homework, the ins and outs of family vacations, etc.

And, if its the type of town where most everyone was born and raised, flying to grandparents for Thanksgiving may not be in his frame of reference. He may assume everyone is walking down the block for Thanksgiving dinner!

If nothing else, I would clarify what the consequences would be by speaking with the coach personally. Dont go by stories you have heard. I think parents and players sometimes worry about the coach holding a grudge more than it happens

My DH coached a LOT of Little League. A acquaintance/friend was on the team and her son played first base for maybe two games and then they missed due to a wedding. Well, the kid who filled in on first for the missed game was NOT your typical first baseman-he was the 2nd shrotest kid on the team. The guys always felt you had to put the tallest kid on the team on 1st and my friends son was the tallest!!! Anyway, this little kid was smokin'-saved many bad throws and got a ton of outs so DH kept him on 1st base after that game. The parents were convinced it was because their son had chosen to go to the wedding; they felt DH was holding a grudge and he truly wasnt; he respected the family wedding decision. He just wanted to win games! But, trust me, the mother NEVER believed me on that and I have no doubt told others this story from her viewpoint

Avatar for heartsandroses2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 11-06-2006 - 1:03pm

I don't know, I think the majority of coaches are so into the game or are pressured to keep a strong team that they demand 100%+ of thier teams.

We've had several coaches who have children and some without, but they all seem to be relentless when it comes to having the kids attend all practices. My dd's best friend does a sport each season and she tells me of the horrors...almost all of her vacation time is spent going to practices. Even over the summer they are required to participate in a summer 5K race each year or they will not be allowed to be on the team!!

Avatar for mjaye2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 11-06-2006 - 1:41pm

I will try to refrain from absolutely *seething* over the fact that he is having mandatory practices over Thanksgiving holidays w/o any wiggle room for family trips. Everyone else has pretty much covered what I would say.

But this is really getting my goat:

> >Basketball player will not get a big school scholarship and thus will not play BB in college. (Small school scholarships are highly likely but kid does not want small college!) < <

Excuse me???? I have to admit, I have never gone thru the recruiting process for sports, so I am not entirely sure about how it all works, but, are you saying that IF your kid does not stay for practice, then, your kid's playing time may be severely cut (it's not about "starting" it's about playing time. How your kid handles himself on the court is what recruiting coaches are looking for, yes?) Is *that* how the coach is able to keep your kid from getting a big school scholarship? And, how can the coach guarantee that your kid *will* get a big school scholarship? To my knowlege a HS coach can help a kid get a scholarship but cannot guarantee it. Or is he just saying that he will make sure the kid doesn't get the opportunity to try for one?

Because I'm not familiar with the recruiting/scholarship process, I hesitate to say this...but, it may be possible that your kid stay for practices and does all the right things (according to the coach) and may still not get a big school scholarship. I don't know, it's just a thought.

At any rate, the BB coach is an idiot (IMHO) and I would fight this all the way to the school board.

editted to add: You don't say if your kid is a senior. If your kid is NOT a senior, then you might want to go ahead and meet with the coach, the principal, the superintendent, etc, but be very very careful in that the coach may harbor very ill will towards your kid for the next year or two. He's still an idiot, but he may make life very hard on your kid if your kid is going to be around another year or two, ya know?




Edited 11/6/2006 1:48 pm ET by mjaye2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-26-2005
Tue, 11-07-2006 - 2:03am

cat momma--->"Just curious, does that mean you're a good bit younger than most of us posters (who are pretty much from the same generation)?"

i'm guessing most of you are on the leading edge of the baby boom generation...i'm on the backside.

i also come from a military family....so we weren't around extended family often....and i think thats the way most families are now days....not a vast majority...but it's moving that way

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-26-2005
Tue, 11-07-2006 - 2:09am
tough situation. i say leave it up to your kid. he's 17. he's going to start having to make the tough decisions sometime.

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