"they're going to drink anyway"

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-14-2006
"they're going to drink anyway"
31
Thu, 01-03-2008 - 7:36am

Yesterday, a co-worker (K) was talking about her DD17s NYE - where they were supposed to be, how she called about going to a party in the next town, and (finally) how they planned to call a cab to come home because they would have been drinking, at someone else's house. There was a heated discussion in our office about adults allowing teens to drink in their home. One co-worker in her 60s was shocked, another co-worker whose kids are still young was surprised and scared a little for the future. I tried to stay out of most of the discussion. I don't know what to think. So far I've been lucky that DD has done little, if any, drinking. There have been a handful of situations in which there could have been drinking that she won't confess to, but otherwise I"m pretty sure it's not a big issue for her.

My friend, K, said "they're going to drink anyway, I'd rather know they're at someone's house and not driving". To me that sounds like abdicating responsibility, but she feels it's just being realistic.

Am I totally stupid and naive? Or just f-ing lucky? I think my DD knows that DH and I feel strongly against teen drinking, so if she were going to lie about something, I think that would be it.

So where do you stand? "They're going to drink anyway, so let's keep it safe" or "We should not facilitate teen drinking"?

Sue, mom to Leah and Seth


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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2003
Thu, 01-03-2008 - 2:32pm

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Thu, 01-03-2008 - 2:46pm

I agree w/ you on that one.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-28-2005
Thu, 01-03-2008 - 3:06pm

This is a topic that has been on my mind a lot lately.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2006
Thu, 01-03-2008 - 3:07pm

About taking the keys away....

I was thinking about what DS24 told me, years later of course, about what happened when he was in HS. The parents asked the kids to give them their car keys as they entered the home, before they'd drunk anything. That's a little different than unexpectedly finding that kids are drinking in your home and then taking their keys.

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http://www.pnhp.org/news/2009/october/meet_the_new_health_.php

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DQTBYQlQ7yM

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2002
Thu, 01-03-2008 - 3:24pm

Yes, that is different...it does seem like an unspoken invitation; but if they are here on a friday and saturday night, I try to scope them out. If they have no real plans, I'll suggest they just stay here. I don't always literally take the keys. Then I go make food. They all come upstairs, we talk and I really enjoy it. My son has a basement room and since he started working, he's really fixed it up nice. He has an entertainment center and 2

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999
Thu, 01-03-2008 - 6:27pm

How about you could join the army and be sent to fight in Iraq but when you come home on leave, you can't have a beer because you're not old enough to be responsible?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Thu, 01-03-2008 - 7:05pm
I was pretty shocked when I was visiting my Brother in law and his family this holiday. I know in the past they've let their 16 year old son have "a drink or two" with them while at home, when we were all out camping or whatever - but on this particular night, he walked into the house with a friend on their way to the friend's house, and grabbed a six pack of beer on his way out the door! My SIL just shrugged and said "he's a good kid and makes good choices - and I'd rather KNOW what he's drinking than have him sneaking around.". I have a 16 year old son who is a few months older than my nephew, and a 15 year old daughter. Both of them told me later they thought that was just WAY wrong (and I felt guilty on Christmas when
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2006
Thu, 01-03-2008 - 8:21pm

I'd like to see them raise the age for enlisting to 21. In my opinion 18 is too young for any kid to decide to risk his life for the benefit of his fellow Americans, or for the benefit of corporations (think oil) in his country. But we know we'd never have enough servicemen then, and how could we fight a war, right?

So I guess if they gotta leave it at 18 they should lower the drinking age to match, at least for those serving in our armed forces.

-----------------------------------------------
http://www.pnhp.org/news/2009/october/meet_the_new_health_.php

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DQTBYQlQ7yM

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999
Thu, 01-03-2008 - 10:29pm

I'd like to see them raise the age for enlisting to 21. In my opinion 18 is too young for any kid to decide to risk his life for the benefit of his fellow Americans....


I'd beg to differ.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2006
Thu, 01-03-2008 - 10:41pm

"Would you hold the same opinion if our current "oil" war had never happened and the only one we were currently fighting was the one tracking down al Quida in Afghanistan? "

Yes, I would. There are way too many problems for the poor guys coming home for me to believe that 18 is the right age to enlist. When we're stating our opinions, there's no right or wrong. Sometimes we just have to agree to disagree.

-----------------------------------------------
http://www.pnhp.org/news/2009/october/meet_the_new_health_.php

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DQTBYQlQ7yM