"they're going to drink anyway"
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| Thu, 01-03-2008 - 7:36am |
Yesterday, a co-worker (K) was talking about her DD17s NYE - where they were supposed to be, how she called about going to a party in the next town, and (finally) how they planned to call a cab to come home because they would have been drinking, at someone else's house. There was a heated discussion in our office about adults allowing teens to drink in their home. One co-worker in her 60s was shocked, another co-worker whose kids are still young was surprised and scared a little for the future. I tried to stay out of most of the discussion. I don't know what to think. So far I've been lucky that DD has done little, if any, drinking. There have been a handful of situations in which there could have been drinking that she won't confess to, but otherwise I"m pretty sure it's not a big issue for her.
My friend, K, said "they're going to drink anyway, I'd rather know they're at someone's house and not driving". To me that sounds like abdicating responsibility, but she feels it's just being realistic.
Am I totally stupid and naive? Or just f-ing lucky? I think my DD knows that DH and I feel strongly against teen drinking, so if she were going to lie about something, I think that would be it.
So where do you stand? "They're going to drink anyway, so let's keep it safe" or "We should not facilitate teen drinking"?


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(ok, I'm going to try to post on this for the umpteenth time--I keep losing it.
Awww man what a tough topic!
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It's one thing to let your child to drink, but it's another to let someone else's do it.
We are not big drinkers in our house. Dave has some wine now and then and may have a beer once in a great while. I don't drink alcohol at all. I did once upon a time, but decided it was really stupid, because anything I drank tasted like pop anyway. Slo Gin Fizz and such, I hate the taste of alcohol and pop is way cheaper and I like it much better. Give me a good diet cola and I'm a happy camper. Consequently my kids haven't seen much drinking. Will they drink themselves, probably so. They haven't tried it yet and neither of them seem to have a desire at this point.
Kelsie has said that when she turns 19 she has plans to go to Canada (about 20 min. away) and drink. She plans to go with her bff and her cousin who is 10 yrs older than she is and will keep an eye on her. They have already talked about it. They will get a hotel room and spend the night so Joel (my nephew) can have a couple drinks too. I told her fine, when you are 19 you do that, just don't come home to my house drunk.
OTOH we have talked to her about if she should find herself in a situation where there is drinking and she wants to leave that she can always call us. OR if she ever does drink with her friends she should call us to pick her up. We will come anywhere at anytime and get her, bring her home and not ask any questions until the next day. Then we will talk. She also knows that if she should come home and be sick from drinking, I will not be holding her hand or making her feel better. She will deal with that herself.
I don't serve my kids alcohol, but they have had tastes of it and for the most part haven't liked it. But much to my surprise when Dave and Jaryd went to Italy last May, Dave let Jaryd drink wine. He did enjoy it, but wasn't allowed to drink very much.
I would not under any circumstances let someone elses underaged child drink in my home. Just isn't going to happen, my kids know how I feel, my other family knows how I feel and it has never been an issue. My family has been pretty strict about under aged drinking, Dave's family is not so strict though. They like to pretend their kids don't drink or didn't when their son was under 21, but we all know they do/did.
on the topic of 18yo able to go to war but not buy a beer...why can't we allow military personnel 18 and older, with military ID the ability to buy and consume alcohol.
This is a college town and they can get into bars at 19 but not drink until 21.
You can imagine how well that works out.
They go through and make arrests at the campus bars maybe 4-6 times a year and the bars get warnings but Im sure the policy pays off for them in the end
here is another way of looking at it. I am not saying it is correct; just another approach.
If we base alcohol consummation on brain maturity from a bio-chemical POV, then it can be that 18 year olds are old enough to make life changing decisions without their brains being impacted (impairment lasts much longer than a night and there could be lingering effects) but add lingering effects of alcohol on their brains, they are not.
So, if that is the reason (impact on chemistry of the brain), then having a drinking age of 21 could make sense. It has to do more than brain development and chemistry. I am not saying this is correct but it is another way of looking at it.
I don't really know where I stand on this topic either - when I was growing up - as a teenager - we did drink alot (we always thought our parents didn't know - but now that I'm a parent - I think they probably did)
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