Tired of being the "Hangout House"

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-03-2004
Tired of being the "Hangout House"
12
Wed, 11-01-2006 - 11:03am

I know....I know.....I should count my blessings that DD and her bf and friends feel very comfortable at our house and are there where we can keep an eye on them. But they are there ALL THE TIME that I feel like I'm starting to trip over them!!

When I grew up I never hung at my house because my mother didn't like people in her house, eating her food and leaving crumbs on her counter and it always made me feel uncomfortable. My dh's house was just the opposite and I would just walk right in and make myself at home and I loved that. And that's what I wanted for my DD. And that's waht we've got so what am I complaining about?!

I know so many parents wish they had this problem but I guess that old saying, "the grass is greener on the older side", once again rings true. I'm just getting a little tired of being eaten out of house and home and constantly lecturing them on picking up after themselves. Sometimes after they have had a night of popcorn and a movie it looks like a tornado hit!! Soda cans and wrappers everywhere in the downstairs family room. I tend to just shut the door and wait for DD to arise the following morning to clean it up but she never seems to make it down there in enough time to suit me and it bugs me to no end!

Well last night, being Halloween, they all dressed up at my house, using both bathrooms, DD's bedroom and the den leaving trails of themselves everywhere rushing out the door to go eat at a restaurant, came back to our house and watched a scary movie so the family room once again looks trashed today.

I have spoken to them in the past so they know the rules and they do better for a while after they receive a lecture from me but it doesn't last long. Any suggestions as to how to deal with this?? Or should I just continue to count my blessings, hold my breath and count to ten??

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2006
Wed, 11-01-2006 - 11:13am

From the mother of a pretty lonely 15yo dd, I'd go with the 'count your blessings' attitude.




Edited 11/1/2006 12:15 pm ET by hydrangea_blue

 

 

 

Avatar for heartsandroses2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 11-01-2006 - 11:29am

My house is the Hangout House most of the time...but we do have ground rules. Because we're pretty laid back the kids often get 'too' comfortable and leave trails around, like you said. That's when we just slowly began asking, then telling, them to clean up after themselves. I have often given a hug or bright smile when asking one of my 'kids' to please clear the table or pick up thier towels or take out the garbage. The kids all think of me as an extension of thier moms, and that's cool by me, as long as they also respect my home. And they do.

I think it's perfectly fine to make and enforce some ground rules about respecting your property and privacy while at the same time making them feel welcome.

My oldest dd recently left to college and I certainly can tell you that I'd much rather be the hangout house and have things a little messy and loud than clean and quiet. Sometimes my H gets ornery when the house seems filled with manic energy from all the kids being here, but for the most part I've gotten him to see the advantages. When the girls were younger and we began to have the 'regulars', H expressed his dismay at having kids over all the time. That's when I told him that I'd rather have them all here than not know where they were or what they were doing. He fought me on it, a lot, but finally accepted that it was simply the way it was going to be. Now he likes it, actually. We have our times when peace and quiet and alone time would be nice, but we will have that and plenty of it after dd17 leaves us next year.

Then I will really miss all my kids!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Wed, 11-01-2006 - 11:41am
I confess I'm probably more like your mom. It isn't the crumbs and such - but I'm a very private (read shy and introverted) person who likes my own space. (and for me the loud volume of a bunch of kids is the worst part). However, I understand what you want to accomplish here, so the issue is how to make them respect your space and rules. Perhaps "ban" them for a week - tell them they've lost the privilege of free use of the house because of the mess, and next time it'll be two weeks or a month. That DOES carry the risk of them just finding another place to 'hang' - but maybe you could get the other parents on board and tell them what you are doing? If NONE of the parents was willing to provide a place for that week, I bet they'd change their ways fast! (and now I'm wondering about Samantha's endlessly patient parents....my high school best friend who had the house we all "chilled" at ;-)
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2004
Wed, 11-01-2006 - 12:53pm

Yes..You should count your blessings.
Yes..It doesn't hurt to get a little tired of those blessings once in a while and vent.

When our boys were younger and still with us, our house was comical. There would be days I'd come home, see someone making a sandwich in the kitchen and ask, "Who are you?"
Toys and crap everywhere. We made the Bumsteads look like Ozzie and Harriet. But.. we told them either their friends clean up or you do - the same day. That way they policed the mess, not me. Fortunately, DD and her friends are not quite so messy and energetic.

What may help, is in the grand scheme of things this problem takes place in a very small window of time. DW and I get panic attacks over the thought of sitting in the kitchen being able to hear a pin drop if it weren't for our conversation. This is actually going to happen in two short years.
You also recognize the advantages of yours being the hangout house, even if it is a PITA sometimes.

Avatar for mjaye2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 11-01-2006 - 1:11pm

I'm one of the "count your blessings" people. :) My house too is the hang-out house, and with all boys, it can get kinda rowdy. They all call me mom, and I treat them like my own, down to lectures if they screw up and making them clean up their messes! I too long sometimes for peace and quiet, but I have to remind myself I will soon get more than I bargained for. I'm not sure how old your dd is, but my ds is 15 and before I know it, he'll be gone and my house will be so quiet I'm afraid I'll go mad.

They are with us for really only a short while and look at all the wonderful memories you will have of your dd and her buddies.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2003
Wed, 11-01-2006 - 1:12pm

Count your blessings, hold your breath, count to ten....and thank your lucky stars.

My house is often the same thing. Last night there were at one point a total of 6 kids at my house. Yes the place looked like a tornado hit. And this morning, I had the day off, so I did about 2 hours of "cleaning up" -- bathrooms, floors, you name it!

A few weeks back my dd hosted a movie night here. We ordered pizza, laid out drinks and snacks and she and her friends hung out, loudly, for the evening. Yes when it was over I cringed at the mess in the place...but the girls had so much fun and fun gets messy whether its kids or adults.

Maybe a few rules of engagement would help. Tell the kids they are limited to one particular bathroom and maybe one or two other rooms. Tell your dd she is responsible to clean up afterwards or the next day and resist all temptation to do it yourself. The rule should be she can't go anywhere the following day (no mall or friends house or movie or TV or computer etc) until its cleaned up. Also, ensure if they are using a particular room, have a large size trash can with bag closeby that they can dump their stuff in. And do whatever you need to do to protect the furniture -- slip covers, tablecloths, you get the idea.

Its hard work being cool party mom but its way better than being the mom who never knows where her kids are or what they are doing or whether they are being supervised...

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-03-2004
Wed, 11-01-2006 - 1:39pm
Yes, you are all absolutely right!! As Daddio stated - being the hangout house can be a PITA..lol..but I do know how lucky we are and I will continue to count my blessings. Guess I just needed to vent! My DD will be 17 in just a few short weeks and she will be a senior next year so I know there is not much time left with her. She is my only one and I know for certain that when she leaves I will look back at these times and I will miss the noise and the mess! After reading diamondslb post, your suggestion of a trash can is such an easy solution. There is a trash can in the laundry room and also the garage but walking 20 feet out the door is probably too far for them and I would think having it right under their nose should eliminate that problem. I think buying a supply of paper products and leaving them on the counter down there might eliminate the collection of dirty dishes too!! Thanks everyone!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-20-2005
Wed, 11-01-2006 - 3:32pm

You are so right! I would give anything to have this problem. We live in the country and most of DDs friends can't afford the gas to come over and hang out very often. However, I completely understand your problem. DD did have friends over Sat night and left my kitchen a mess. I can see how that would get old.

Is it possible to catch the kids on their way out the door or a few minutes before they are leaving and remind them to put their dishes away or whatever? I'll bet if you do this a few times, they will get the hint and if they don't and you have to remind them every time, at least the place still gets picked up.

Good Luck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-17-2005
Wed, 11-01-2006 - 3:40pm

Okay, so is this what you have to do to have your home be the "hangout house"? If so, I guess my house will never be the hangout house because I strongly believe that kids need to have some respect and boundaries and I would not allow them (nor would dh) to trash my house in the manner you describe. I would also hate to know that my ds would behave this way at another kid's house just because the parents allow it. But the fact of the matter is that teens will get away with what they can, as we all know.

I think you're going to have to deal with it now...

Avatar for kel7col4
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 11-01-2006 - 4:15pm

My house tends to be the hangout house too. It get's a little overwhelming and annoying at times, but I vowed when dd and ds were younger to let it be. I know where my dd is and I know whats going on. I do find as they are getting older I'm not like the responsibility of keeping all these teens in check lol

I would do as was suggested - with the trash can and having paper plates on hand. Also, keeping dd informed that she is the one "in charge" as far as clean-up. This was always the rule for us. My dd is in charge of cleaning both before and after a friendly get together.

Good luck :P




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