Too close

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2003
Too close
3
Thu, 06-19-2003 - 3:01am
Okay I'm 14 and pretty close to my mom, I tell her almost everything.

I told her about this guy that I liked. He is my complete opposite like I'm the a nerd and he's sort of slacker. My mom has these high standards anout what guy I'm supposed to go out with.

I know what she wants is some one that won't depend on me if I ever get married to him. See she married my dad that depends on her to make the money. I mean I probably won't marry my first boyfriend but I know when I feel like I really like a person. I mean I can't even breathe when I see them.

Do I listen to my mom and go along with the standards? and Is she allowed to make standards about the guys I will probably date?



Teenage 14 year old girl with a problem
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: staririnasakura
Thu, 06-19-2003 - 5:17am
I personally think that dating different types when you're young will give you a clearer picture of what kind of man will make you happy in the long run, and as long as you feel treated with respect you should be OK.

As long as you're under age your mother has a high degree of control over your life, if she decides to exercise it you might want to sit down and think about what you want out of a relationship, having difficulty breathing will not sustain it ;o) You should meet someone who thinks you're wonderful and want you to be the best that you can be, and where you feel the same way about him.

When you get older and ready to commit to a long term relationship or even marriage, you might decide together with your man that you should be the major bread winner, to me that is not a bad thing as long as it is a mutual decision and not something that is just assumed.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2003
In reply to: staririnasakura
Thu, 06-19-2003 - 12:20pm
This is coming from a mother of an almost 14 yo dd (next mo.).

As parents we want better for our children, which appears as the case here. I think many times we lead our children in areas where we lacked in happiness. You are a very mature young women to even ask this question and I'm impressed.

As for me I would lead my dd in the direction of finding someone that allows you to lead the life you want for yourself. Mostly we want our children to find their own kind of happy. Don't dismiss what your mom wants for you, she loves you and wants YOU to be happy.

In thinking what your discription of the boy you like is being a slucker and you a nerd, opposites attract. Maybe you are looking for a "bad boy" to help with the image of nerd you have given yourself. One thing that I have told my kids is the school years are so hard on ourselves. The feeling you carry with you now about fitting in with the "IN" crowd won't mean a thing after high school. Everything changes at the point and who you are is based on merit, not who your friends are. Do yourself a favor LOVE who you are TODAY.

On a personal note- I am so glad you are part of this board. We can use your wisdom here and we plod along trying to raise our own teenagers.


Hugs to you, Shelly

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: staririnasakura
Thu, 06-19-2003 - 1:01pm
Hey, I didn't know my 13-year-old son was dating a 14 year old. Maybe you could teach him good study habits.