Too hard on dd?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-24-2006
Too hard on dd?
12
Tue, 10-24-2006 - 6:23pm
I've been reading here for a while but now I really need opinions. My dd(15) was meeting up with some friends this afternoon and told me when she got there she'd call me. I waited quite a while after her not calling me and I tried several times over 20 minutes to get ahold of her. My call kept going to voicemail. I was getting worried (paranoid mom) and finally went to where she was meeting up with them. She was there and fine. She said oops I forgot to call but with attitude. I said this isn't working for me and told her she was coming home with me. That was all I said in front of her friends - she flipped out a little there but once we got home she was yelling what I did was bullcrap, etc. I told her this was all about responsibility - if you tell me you're going to do something (like call me) I expect you to do it. Anyhow I wasn't going to take away any other priveleges initially but once she started yelling and such I told her no computer or phone for the night. I'm really torn because she is just a kid and maybe I did over react. What do you think?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 10-24-2006 - 7:25pm

I understand forgetting-even adults forget things, but why didnt she pick up when you called?

Did she have an answer for that?

I figure thats what the cell is for-if I call, you better answer or return my call pretty quickly or theres no point in having a cell

I dont think a day without privileges is going to kill her

Now the embarassment might ;) but I bet it made a lasting impressions as well

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-06-2010
Tue, 10-24-2006 - 7:26pm

Since she had an attitude with you I don't think you over reacted. Had she just said "sorry mom I forgot, I'm sorry I worried you" I would have said you over reacted but since she got an attitude with you I don't think you did.

I would say that next time she wants to go someplace it is clear she calls you or you are coming to get her and bring her home. Sometimes people do forget they said they would do things or get caught up at being with friends but having an attidute like that isn't necessary at all!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2000
Tue, 10-24-2006 - 7:33pm
I think you did fine.
Pam
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-24-2006
Tue, 10-24-2006 - 7:36pm
Windrush54 - Thanks for the support! :) I need it. I understand forgetting too! UGH!! That's what makes this so hard! As far as why she didn't pick up - she said she didn't hear it ringing. I believe her too. I just want her to be responsible. She is definitely lacking in that area. I really hope I didn't embarrass her - it makes me feel horrible thinking I did. It's so hard to be teen and then to have "that" mom sure doesn't help.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-24-2006
Tue, 10-24-2006 - 7:46pm

Pam & Seirith - We must have been posting at the same time. It really was the attitude that took me by surprise and caused her to lose her privileges tonight. I can't wait until we are past this phase. I can only hope it's a quick one! It's really not fun.

Thanks for being here when I needed someone!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2004
Wed, 10-25-2006 - 1:45am

She didn't hear it??
hmmmm..... Does she have a titanium insulated purse? lol

My guess (which is only pure speculation based on what my DD tried once) is that when the phone was ringing, she pulled the "thats-just-my-mom-ugh-parents-can-be-so-annoying" trick in an effort to impress and display her independence from the parental shackles.

It's good you nipped this in the bud. Answering the cell phone should not be an option under any circumstances.

As far as embarrassment goes, I wouldn't worry too much about it. Around that age, we embarrass them by waking up in the morning and breathing. Fortunately, it IS short lived...

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-1999
Wed, 10-25-2006 - 8:01am

I don't think you over reacted at tall, especially since she put on an attitude with you.


Don't worry about the embarrassment factor - at that age, our very existance is an embarrassment to them, we don't have to do anything.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-24-2006
Wed, 10-25-2006 - 8:52am

Rose and Daddioe- Thanks for your replies. I guess it just confirms my mere existence is an embarrassment! LOL! I'm not embarrassing at mall or anywhere else she needs $$!!

Just a quick update. My dd & I really talked last night. I think she really understood the why's. She actually came into the family room and we watched tv and talked and laughed for a few hours. That may not be unusual for some of you but for us it is. She tends to act like we have the plague. All in all I have to say it turned out to be a good evening. Thanks everyone!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-02-2004
Wed, 10-25-2006 - 9:21am

Too funny!

I have the plague too.

It's not only you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 10-25-2006 - 10:35am

Good for you mom! I think embarassment is a quite effective method of discipline, I use the threat of it around here and just the THREAT of it usually works! (If they miss the bus I swear I'm putting curlers in my hair to drive them to school, etc). Something tells me that she'll 'hear' the phone ringing from now on too, but even better, will remember to CALL HOME!

Denise

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